Act like an adult!

What does that mean?  Act like an adult. It’s not a very specific or detailed statement, if you ask me.  Similar statements include “Grow up”, “Act your age” and “Stop being childish”.

But I think we all know what that means, even if it’s not explicitly defined.  It means to take responsibility for yourself and for your actions/words.  It means that even though the situation may be uncomfortable, at least have the decency to treat the other person with the respect they deserve and tell them the truth!

I was speaking with a good friend of mine the other day.  She had been in a relationship with a guy for over 2 years.  And of course, over the course of the relationship, there were good times and bad times, as is always the case in any relationship.  Things recently had been fine between her and her boyfriend.  No major arguments or fights.  Nothing to suggest problems in the relationship.  But for some reason, one day out of the blue, he just disappeared! Completely stopped responding to messages she would send.  No longer taking her phone calls.  Just … gone.  My friend had been ghosted.  Perhaps the relationship wasn’t something he wanted anymore.  Perhaps he had spent time thinking this through on his own. But he never brought up any concerns or thoughts he was having with her.  He didn’t have the decency to let her know what was upsetting him.  He just decided that it was a better option to remove himself from existence in her world completely.  To not have the possibly uncomfortable conversation.  To not have to defend his feelings, if she questioned why.  In other words … not very adult-like behavior.  Maybe he just “didn’t want to deal”.  But, sorry … you’re an adult and your actions (or lack of actions) have an effect on someone else, and you owe it to that person to not act like a child!  Especially after being with that person for over 2 years!!  But even if it had been 2 months or 2 weeks, or even a date … the other person in the situation deserves to be treated with enough respect to not pull something like that!

An ex-boyfriend of mine handled ended our relationship in a different, yet also “non-adult” like way. He chose the “I’m gonna act like a complete jerk and get her to break up with me” plan of action.  It wasn’t the first time I’ve dealt with this type of childish way of handling adult situations.  It wasn’t the last time I dealt with that either.  But some guys (and girls) are just cowards when it comes to acting like an adult and actually having the decency to talk to the other person.

There are similar situations that don’t involve boyfriend/girlfriend relationships.  Like the person who pulls the “fake emergency phone call” to get out of a date or hanging out with someone.  Or they pretend they aren’t feeling well.  I guess these could work from time to time, but since we all know about how people pull this crap, it usually doesn’t work in fooling the person they are trying to ditch.  One time, I actually had some guy pull this crap on me, but the idiot didn’t realize that the volume on his phone was high enough for me to hear the other side of the conversation …

Him:            (answers the phone call he got) Hey!
Friend:        Hey, what’s up?  You said to call you right away.  You ok?
Him:            What?  When did that happen?
Friend:        Just now. You sent me that txt
Him:            OMG! Was anyone hurt?
Friend:        Huh?
Him:            Ok, yeah, of course! Absolutely! I’ll be there as fast as I can!!
Friend:        Oohhh!!  Ok, you need to get out of a date, huh?  Ok, call me when
                   you’re out of there!

Meanwhile, I’m sitting there hearing the entire conversation, and doing my best to keep my poker face.  I didn’t confront him, because honestly, I wanted to get away from him just as much at that point! I did end up sending him a txt the next day to let him know I had heard the entire conversation, and as a word of advice, he might want to lower the volume on his calls!  LOSER!!

All of these ways of handling uncomfortable situations are bad!  All of these ways will end up causing the person that is being treated with a lack of respect to not be able to look back on the time the spent with this person with anything other than regret and hostility.  Because how can you have fond feelings for someone who maybe was great towards you for a long time, when they ruin all of that by treating you so poorly in the end?

But I’ve been thinking about this, after speaking with my friend the other day.  It made me think about what she and I had both been saying.  About how her boyfriend needed to just “grow up” and “act like an adult”.  How we were both convinced that it’s immaturity that causes people to act in this “childish” and irresponsible way.  See, the thing is though, children would probably be more “adult” in these types of situations.  They are the ones that don’t have the filters that we get as we “grow up”.  They are the ones who would straight up tell you that they don’t want to be your friend.  That they don’t like you that way.  Or that they don’t want to play with you anymore and they just want to go home.  So I am changing my statement to my friend.  Her now EX boyfriends needs to start acting like a kid and say what he means!!