A Perfect 10!!

Look through any magazine or online advertisement, and you will see GORGEOUS people with PERFECT bodies.  Or should I say that what you’ll see is what the advertising world would like us to believe is “perfect”.  There is no such thing as “perfect” and there is no one look that will appeal to all people.  Some people are attracted to those who are tall, others to shorter people (like me … short, that is … I’m short!)  Some like those who are thin, others like athletic, and still others find people are bigger to be sexy.  Straight hair, curly, wavy or even bald.  Light skin, dark skin, caramel or freckled. Blonde, brunette, redhead, purple, pink, blue, green, etc., etc., etc.  Like they say, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Saying one is better than the other is a complete travesty.  Being a specific body type isn’t what’s important.  But, staying healthy, well, that’s important for everyone, no matter what body type floats your boat. 

Unfortunately, staying in shape and staying healthy is not so easy to achieve.  It takes work.  Hard work!  And human nature is for us to gravitate towards the easy, towards the lazy.

Actually, I’m one of those strange creatures who likes to work out.  That is, once I’m actually doing it. See, even for me, I gravitate towards the lazy if I’m not actually doing the exercise.  If I’m sitting on my comfy couch, watching some stupid television show and noshing on something yummy, it can be rather difficult to make myself get up and do some exercises.  Even harder if I have to actually get into exercise clothing and walk to the gym!

So how can I get myself motivated?  Well, looking in the mirror and focusing on the jiggly parts could help.  But while that may make me healthy in my body, it’s not really healthy for my soul.  I mean, let’s be honest, we ALL have jiggly parts.  Ok, maybe not someone who enters body building competitions, but they still have parts that they want to improve.  So focusing on the negatives about ourselves is not the answer. We should all want to improve (physically, mentally and emotionally), but berating ourselves isn’t a healthy way to go about it.

Looking through those magazines or online at photos of people in shape isn’t a way to go about it either.  I mean, first of all, those photos are touched up.  Sometimes A LOT! But even if they were realistic (ha!!), just because you see someone with fantastic abs, or really nicely sculpted arms, it doesn’t mean that you will look like that, no matter how much you exercise.  We all are born with different body types, and just because we want to look a certain way doesn’t necessarily mean we’ll get there.  At least not without some plastic surgery, and that’s not what I’m suggesting here!

For me, I am never going to be able to sing Meghan Trainor’s “All About That Bass” song and have anyone believe the lyrics are about me!  I definitely have “white girl butt” syndrome!  I do squats, bridges, lunges and all the other exercises that are supposed to plump up your derriere.  But my butt never gets much bigger than it currently is.  And oh how I wish I had a bubble butt!! But sadly, that just won’t ever be the case. 

So rather than focusing on achieving a body shape that would be worthy of a Sports Illustrated cover, I think people need to focus more on making themselves healthy!  Focus on doing things that will make your heart stronger, and you bones less frail as you age.  Get yourself moving a bit more, and sitting around doing nothing a bit less.  Eat a bit more of the healthy stuff and stay away from the crap a bit more. And do it starting right now!!  Because the younger you start this, the more it will become a part of who you are, and the less difficult it will be to accomplish or to keep up as you get older!

That doesn’t mean that we should all spend a ton of cash and buy expensive gym memberships.  Just focus on doing a few things differently.  Like, maybe get off the subway one stop early and walk the extra few blocks on a nice sunny day.  Take the stairs, instead of the elevator (especially if you only have a couple of flights to go up or down.)  Or just turn on some fun, energetic music and dance your tush off!  If it’s a nice evening, take a short stroll around the neighborhood after dinner to work off the calories.  And instead of grabbing that bag a chips, grab some nuts instead.  Boring?  How about sprinkling them with a bit of seasoning?

Do these things, and no matter your body type, you’ll have a body that appreciates all you are doing to keep it healthy!!

Liar Liar, Pants on Fire!`

Everyone lies!  EVERYONE!  Whether it is little white lies, like “Of course I like your new haircut!” or “No, you don’t look slutty in that outfit” … to the BIG doozies of lies, like when someone gets caught cheating in a relationship.  It’s become so pervasive in our society that it sadly isn’t even that big of a deal anymore. You hear lies on television, from co-workers, from friends, even from loved ones!  People don’t even think twice about telling a lie nowadays.

Lies come in all different forms.  The little white lies that I already mentioned are somewhat acceptable, I guess.  I mean, they are meant to NOT hurt someone, rather than to get away with something.  So,m they may actually be GOOD lies.  But then there are the other types of lies and liars that commit those lies that are anything but good! 

There are the very blatant lies, where someone will look you right in the eye and claim that something is true which is beyond the shadow of a doubt false (think about the recent election season, with many  claims being made, which when actually researched, turned out to be completely untrue). 

There are the lies made by the pathological liars, where they can’t even keep themselves from telling the lie, even when the truth is not so bad.  I dated a pathological liar a number of years ago.  It was actually pathetic, the things he’d lie about.  Stupid things that didn’t need to be lied about.  Things like the color of the shirt he may have worn that day.  But for him, getting away with the lie, no matter what the lie was, this was the point, the thrill.   That relationship didn’t last long. 

Then there are those people who lie and they truly believe that their lies are reality.  These are basically sociopaths.  No need to say how terrible these types of liars are.

But as bad as it may be to be lied to by any of the aforementioned types of liars, it isn’t the worst type of lies, with in my opinion.  The lies of omission are much worse! These last type  of lies are very dangerous, because they go hidden for a very long time, sometimes years on end! And to make it even worse, most people who commit lies of omissions by just keeping their mouth shut rather than being open and honest … these type of liars don’t actually even think they are liars!  They think, I didn’t actually say anything that isn’t true.  And that’s what makes it the worst kind of lying! Not speaking up about things that someone has a right to know, because it may cause tension, a fight, or even a breakup in some cases, well, that makes it even worse!  Because now, on top of the lie, there’s the secret!

This last type of liar is the one who doesn’t tell you that he or she was flirting with someone and even took their number.  They don’t tell you that they are keeping in touch with their ex.  They simply stay quiet about places they go or things that they do when you’re not around, when you’re thinking they’re doing something completely different.  And because you don’t ask these direct questions, because how would you even know to ask them in the first place, these types of liars just stay silent.  And then they convince themselves that they’re not actually lying, because it’s not like you asked and they made up a false story.  This type is so much worse than any other, because it’s secretive and sneaky!

That’s not to say that if any of these liars told the truth that what they’d normally lie about would be acceptable.  I guess that’s why they lie in the first place.  Because they don’t want the messy fight.  They don’t want to risk losing the other person. They also don’t want to be made to be accountable for themselves.

So, would the truth be better?  The film “The Invention of Lying” with Ricky Gervais takes a look at this concept.  It’s about a world where nobody lies (not even the little white lies) … that is, until one person does lie. It’s a very humorous and interesting movie. I recommend renting it!  My takeaway on the movie though … while a world without any lying (in any shape or form) is not great, I think it may still be better than the one in which there are so many forms of lies, and where lying is so commonplace.  Maybe allowing for the little white lies would be a good compromise.  But let’s get rid of the blatant, the pathological, the socio/psychopathic, and absolutely the lies of omission!!

Next time you are put in a situation where you may feel you want to lie … stop yourself.  Let’s see if we all can just be a bit more honest with each other!  And with ourselves!  It’s worth a try!

Things are looking up!!

So, I officially finished my first FULL week of work at the new job!!  Yes, I know that I started working there at the end of December, but my first week I only worked 3 days.  The next week was a short week as well, having New Year’s Day off.  So this past week was the first time in four months that I went to an office and put in a full day’s work (and overtime) for five days in a row!! 

Next week is a short week as well with Martin Luther King Jr. day! So I lucked out and have a 3-day weekend following the first full week!  I probably still may need to log in from home to do some work on Monday, though. You see, even though I’m new to this job, I’m not new to this type of work.  So they threw me right in, full speed, head first!  I already have deadlines looming!  Talk about hitting the ground running!

But I have to say … it feels GREAT to be back in the mix!!

Now that I’m back in the real world, I realize just how depressing the past four months really were.  You see, not only did I lose the job, but my “romantic” life had hit a bump in the road right about the same time that I left my last job.  Yup, double whammy.

But, I now realize that losing both the job and the guy were actually the best things that could have happened. And, although I wasn’t very happy at the time, I’m so much better off and happier now! 

While my last job was less “deadline” driven than this new one, and while I wasn't unhappy there, it definitely had its own stresses. Even just the basics of having my own work space now makes this job so much better! In the last job, the way the office was set up was very “open office, common space” concept. While this may be great for a start-up, promoting communication and creativity, for the job I have, it was very difficult to concentrate!  Also, having a full-blown cubicle, rather than just a partition separating me from the person next to me at this one REALLY long desk makes me feel as though I’m valued more.

There are lots of other nice perks at this new job too. Like the Wednesday afternoon snack of veggies, hummus and dips and the Friday morning bagels and spreads. The AMAZING views from the office will probably never cease to take my breath. And the technology at this company far surpasses what we dealt with at my last job.

All these little things, and more, make me realize that although I was sad that my position at my old job was being phased out, it was actually a blessing in disguise.

As for the romantic area of my life … that too is a lot better now than it was back then. It took some time (maybe too much time, actually) but I now realize that where I had been, and what I was getting out of that area of my life (or wasn’t getting), well, it just wasn’t the best place for me. I was selling myself short. I talked myself into accepting less than I deserved. A LOT less! 

I realize now that being treated with respect, that knowing someone is excited about getting to know everything about me, and actually allowing me to get to know everything about him … that is what I should have had to begin with.  And it’s what I will always make sure I have going forward with all my interpersonal relationships. I won’t accept anyone into my life who doesn’t have it within themselves to provide this for me.

So, all these changes, while they weren’t ones I actively chose for myself, were actually the best things that could have happened to me.  That old adage of “When one door closes, a window opens” or whatever version of that saying you’ve heard, is absolutely true!

To look at it another way … yeah, it might seem like you are “losing” when negative things like job loss or other types of endings happen to you.  But while things that may seem like negatives at the time, just hold on.  Because those endings allow for positive things to fill the spaces left behind. 

Where’s the humanity??

A little over a week ago I was on the subway heading into the city. I had a coveted spot, leaning up against the door.  I know, it’s not as good as having a seat, but it sure beats having to hold onto the pole or to struggle to reach the bar above those who lucked out and got a seat.  It was crowded, but not wall-to-wall packed.  And even though it’s winter outside, it was really warm in the train.  

All of a sudden I see this guy that had been leaning against another wall collapse to the floor.  I must say, he fainted rather gracefully, just slowly collapsing towards the ground.  What wasn’t graceful were the people standing right next to him, who could have tried to help this young man as he dropped.  But instead, they literally (and yes, I mean LITERALLY) jumped out of the way!

I understand that it is surprising when something like this happens, because you don’t really know what exactly is going on.  But it’s easy to figure it out quickly.  Which is why I was really upset by the reaction of those standing closest to him.

Everyone that was standing near this guy was moving away as quickly as they could. Meanwhile, I was rushing towards him!  Unfortunately, I wasn’t close enough to cushion his fall or prevent him from making it all the way face down onto the floor of a NYC subway!  But I did immediately, without even thinking about it, move to help him in any way I could.

He woke up pretty quickly.  I talked with him to let him know what happened, asked his name, and if he had any medical conditions, including epilepsy.  He didn’t, but had been sick with the flu the week prior.  So that, combined with the warmth of the subway car was probably why he fainted.  I kept him seated on the ground for a bit, until he wasn’t as dizzy.  Meanwhile, I asked those around me to find out if anyone had a fruit or something for him to eat, and someone offered up a breakfast bar.  I asked that we find a seat for him when he was ok enough to stand up.  And again, unfortunately, my faith in humanity was let down, because, while someone did give up their seat, it wasn’t either of the people with the seats closest to this young man! 

The story about this young man’s ordeal goes on with more good people involved, but also with more things that made me shake my head in disappointment with people!  The whole situation made me sad. I totally get that this is a harsh world we live in, and that people (especially people in big cities like New York City) tend to have their guards up because of all the negatives that happen daily in this world.  But it really depresses me that we have gotten to the point where our self-preservation has caused some of us to lose our humanity!

It also made me wonder, if I had a different Dad, would I have been so quick to help?  Let me explain…

When I was a very young child, my Dad was a volunteer National Ski Patrolman.  He would be out on the ski slopes every weekend, helping those who got hurt.  Later in my life, but still while I was a kid, my Dad had joined up with the Coast Guard Auxiliary.  Again, he was helping people, but this time on the open waters.  And whenever my family was in the car heading somewhere, if there was an accident on the roads my Dad would pull over to see if he could help with anyone that may have been injured.  Anytime that my Dad would see someone needing assistance, especially first aid assistance, he would step up!  I never saw him hesitate.  I never saw him move away from someone in need.

So, I learned by example.  If someone needs help, I help.  If someone needs support, I’m there for them.  I think of others and not just of myself.  And it’s not that I “try” to think of others.  I just do it.  It’s how I was raised.  It’s just been instilled in me to do so, without thinking.  Because I follow my Dad’s example!

Yes, it was a different time when I was growing up.  The world (at least my immediate world) seemed smaller, and more of a community.  There weren’t terror attacks constantly in the news, or as many random acts of violence.  But is it these violent times that is causing people to lose their humanity?  Or is it the loss of our humanity that is causing the increase in violence in our world?

And more importantly, how do we get our humanity back?

OMG! The Pressure!!!

It’s a New Year!  And that means people all over the world are going to make resolutions.  Promises to do things, or to stop doing things, or to accomplish things, or to add positives and/or to remove negatives from their lives.  All of these promises, all of these resolutions, are made on one particular day solely because we are starting a new year, and well … why not start NEW in the new year, right?! 

It also seems to be a day that people “declare”, rather than resolve.  They declare their love by maybe getting married or engaged, or maybe they just “DTR”.  No offense to anyone who has done this or plans to do this in the future, but … seriously?  I mean, what if things don’t work out? Then for the rest of your life New Year’s Eve will be a reminder of a doomed relationship!  I mean, why go there?  The whole world will be celebrating with champagne and noisemakers and you’ll be drowning your sorrows, depressed that things didn’t work out.  And I know I may offend some people, but this just comes across as, well, kinda desperate and if I'm being honest here, kinda hokey!

Anyway, over the years I have vacillated between making resolutions and absolutely refusing to make resolutions.  I don’t need that kind of pressure!  Plus, I really feel that there’s no need to wait for this one particular day to make positive changes in my life.  I mean, what’s wrong with making a resolution on, let’s say, April 23^rd.  Or how’s about July 9^th?   September 18^th seems like a good day to make changes!  What’s so special about January 1^st?  Isn’t every day the first day of the rest of your life? (yeah, I know, that was definitely hokey!)

Plus, when I think of the things that people usually have on their resolution list, well … I’ve already gotten the new job (Woot woot!!)  I already go to the gym.  Two gyms, in fact!  I don’t smoke, so no need to quit.  I don’t drink excessively, and I’m not quitting that completely.  I’m not in debt, so no need to pay off credit cards. I guess I could eat more healthy foods.  But where’s the fun in that?  There’s not much that is traditionally on a resolution list that I would need to resolve to accomplish.

But this year I am going to … well, not necessarily make resolutions, but I’m going to commit to try to accomplish several things that I’ve had in the back of my mind to do for some time now!

First, I have had an idea for a novel for many years now.  I even tried a number of years ago to write it.  But it never got completed (or really started).  I think that back then I just didn’t have the commitment to do it, nor did I have the writing skills.  Do I have those skills now?  Not sure.  But I definitely feel that I can give it another try.  Not sure this “commitment” will be completed in one year, but at least starting it is … a start!

I also have an idea for what I think would make a really cute, fun, animated movie!  So, I am going to write up the storyline, develop a screenplay for it and then try to hook up with some animators to see about putting it together!  If you happen to know of or be an animator, please contact me!!  (email address is in my main profile on here)

And last year when I started this blog, one of my closest friends suggested that I start a vlog.  She thought I’d be really good at that.  To be honest, it was something that actually scared me to even think about.  And I’m not so sure it’s something I’d be good at or that anyone would want to even watch.  But I do think it’s something to consider.  I still am not sure if this one will come to fruition, but I commit to at least consider it!  I’d still have to think through all the logistics of this one.  Is it going to be just videos of the things that I now currently write about?  Or will it be separate from the blog?  Do I keep to a schedule, like I do with this blog, with a new one coming out every Sunday?  Or just as the whim hits me and once I’ve had the time to edit things?  It’s got to be more involved than editing my written blog! Plus I’ll first have to learn about how to edit the videos!  Choppy videos probably won’t make great vlogs, huh?

So, anyway, I guess my New Year’s Resolutions are to be more creative this year!

I really welcome all suggestions, comments, and even trolling!  I mean, if I’m going to start my own YouTube channel, I’m going to have to get used to ignoring the trolls, right?  So, if you have anything to say, any suggestions or comments … if you have any gems of experience, any words of encouragement, or disparaging comments meant to thicken my skin, please either comment here or send me an email to the address in my main profile.  I don’t promise responses (especially if you’re a troll, since I’m supposed to learn to ignore you, right?) But I promise that I will read everything!  

Shoot!  I just made another New Year’s promise!