Sunday, June 26, 2016

My kids have 4 legs and fur.

My friends post on Facebook about their kids and the accomplishments they are making. I cheer right along with them!  I know how proud my friends are, and I’m happy for them when their kid wins a big game, or an award, or even if it’s not something big, but just that they are having fun and being a kid.

I also have several friends who have decided to have children later in life. Some have even decided to take on this amazing journey as single parents!  I'm in total awe! Raising kids with a partner is difficult enough. But by yourself ... well, I can't even imagine. My friends who have chosen to do this alone are so brave, strong, and inspiring!

Children definitely bring much joy to their parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and on and on. But having kids is also a lot of work, a bunch of frustration and a ton of worry! We’re lucky that the good outweighs the “not as good”, or our species would have died out long ago!

When I was a kid, I had my baby dolls and would pretend to play Mommy. I would dress them up, pretend to feed them, change diapers (that were thankfully not like the real thing!!), and do all the things I thought a Mommy would do. 

As a teenager, I babysat for a family. First for their little girl, and then after their second child was 5 months old, for both kids. I loved it!

As a young adult in college, I still got to be around kids. My major was Special Education/Elementary Education. I did my student teaching and loved working with the kids, watching them learn. It was challenging, but also rewarding! 

So, with all these positive points about kids, you may ask if I have kids? Yes! Only, mine have 4 legs and fur.

Sometimes I do feel that I missed out. That I let something that could have been a wonderful part of my life slip past me. But I’m not as brave and strong as some of my friends, and I wouldn’t be able to do it on my own.

And part of me is selfish. I like being able to sleep later on the weekends. I get to do things that I want to do. If I want to have a bag of microwave popcorn for dinner, I totally can do that!  Not the best thing for me, but at least social services won’t be knocking on my door saying I’m neglecting myself! 

And, let’s not get into the expense of having kids!  Seriously, it’s crazy!!  If I had kids, I definitely would not be able to take as many vacations (or plan them for what I want to do and not what is necessarily "kid friendly"), or get that new cool electronic thing-a-ma-bob that I don’t need, but really want! Retirement savings would have had to be split with college savings accounts. 

I do have a lot of friends who have chosen to remain childless.  Single friends and couples.  So, nowadays, not having kids isn’t as big a deal. And we have each other to hang out with and do "adult" things (or not so "adult" things) Now that I think about it, most of these friends have kids that are like mine.  With 4 legs and fur!


Could I still have a kid? Yeah, sure. I definitely I could. If my friends are doing it now, I totally could! Would I be brave enough to do it by myself.  Absolutely … not!  So, for now at least, I’ll live vicariously through the posts on Facebook.  But first, I have to go walk my eldest “child” before she poops on the rug.

Sunday, June 19, 2016

Perspective is Everything!

A Facebook friend recently posted a very interesting video. A former CIA officer was talking about how everyone thinks that they’re the good guys. How the U.S. thinks ISIS and Al Qaeda are the "bad guys", but from the perspective of ISIS and Al Qaeda, we (the US) are the bad guys.  We believe we are trying to save our fellow man from people who want to oppress them, enslave them, rape them, kill them.  They believe we are invaders who are trying to force them to accept our way of life, our way of thinking.  I don’t know if I agree with everything she said in the video.  But it did make me think about how we each perceive things.

Watching the video brought to mind The Walking Dead. Yes, the TV show. One that I happen to be completely obsessed with!! So it’s no surprise that pretty much anything I see or hear could potentially make me think of TWD! (For those who are TWD fans, but aren't up to date, stop reading now, because there will be spoilers ahead. For those who don't watch the show ... Seriously???? How can you have not watched a single episode of the best show ever on television??? Go to Netflix right this instant and start catching up!!) But I digress ...

So, at the end of the most current season of TWD, we were introduced to a new character. An EVIL bad guy named Negan. Our group (because we, as fans, are an extension of the characters on TV) really didn’t know much about Negan and his group (called the Saviors). There was no real "meeting of the minds" between the two groups. Well, except for a brief “meeting”, where some Saviors ambushed some of our group and were going to kill one of our group. But aside from that one negative encounter, we didn’t know what they thought, or what they wanted.

Our group also spoke with a 3rd group, who claimed that Negan and the Saviors were bad news. Well, that was good enough for us! We needed to hear no more!  So what did we do? We went on the offensive and murdered a bunch of the Saviors … IN THEIR SLEEP!! (btw, the word savior is synonymous with redeemer, protector, deliverer … so …hmmm … pause for thought …. Ok, enough of that.  Back to the blog.)

Now, from our perspective, Negan and his group are EVIL!! We had every right to take precautions and (offensively) protect ourselves. But if you look at it from the point of view of the Saviors, they just got attacked, for no reason that they were aware of, while they were SLEEPING!  So to them, aren’t we the evil ones?

Of these two examples I’ve given (the Facebook video and TWD story line), one is an extreme, politically charged situation and the other is fictions, but also extreme. However, we can just as easily adjust the story keeping the same basic concept for everyday life ... perspective is everything!

How many times have you gotten into a fight with a friend or family member, and it’s all because you each saw the same situation in completely differing views? We've all heard "There are 3 sides to every story.  One person's side, the other person's side, and the truth somewhere in between. They say there really is no black and white. It's all varying shades of gray. First of all, who is this “they” that everyone always talks about?  But more importantly, is that really true?  Is everything a shade of gray?

Personally, I believe that there is definitely black and white, right and wrong, good and evil. But this is mainly true on an individual, personal level. I know what I consider right, how I judge myself to be good, how I want to live my life. And I tend to think that what I do, the choices I make are the right ones. The best ones.

But are they? Would someone else consider my choices right or wrong?  Good or evil?  Is what’s right for me the best thing, the right thing for someone else?

As I get older, I realize that not everyone is going to see things the same way that I do, and that I have to have an open mind.  But, also, as I get older, I get more set in my ways, and it’s hard to always see other perspectives as being valid.  So it’s really a tug of war! And one I do struggle with from time to time.

But while difficult, the thing is, the very least we can do is to listen to each other.  And I mean to actually really hear what each other is saying.  No putting up defensive walls, no thinking we know what the other is saying based on our own preconceptions. Just truly hear each other!

Look, we may not solve the world’s problems, end war, or stamp out oppression.  But we can at least start by listening to each other!


*Btw, for any of you who are TWD fans, we have quite a while before we find out who Negan actually killed at the end of season 6.  I’m pretty sure that my theory is the right one.  So if you want to discuss your theories, I’m all ears!!  Although, I may not think you’re right!  ;-)

Sunday, June 12, 2016

Lists, lists and more lists!

I’m the Queen of Lists!  No, that’s not like the Queen of Diamonds, who will beat you if she’s able.  Nor the Queen of Hearts, who’s always your best bet.  Well, actually, I beg to differ on that last one.  Being the Queen of Lists may just actually be the best bet!!  (Or King of Lists, if that’s your current gender identification)

I write lists for EVERYTHING!  What to pack when going on vacation, what to buy at the supermarket, what projects I have to complete at work, what songs to sing a karaoke, and so on. 

Heck, I even have a list of blog ideas!

But I think I may have gone a little overboard, because now I write lists of my list items.  If “clean” is on my “TO DO” list, I will create a separate list that breaks down the cleaning list!  Instead of just clean, I now create a list to break it down into subsections, each room getting a list of what has to be done in there. 

I also have my “Monday through Friday – after work” list, which is different from the “TO DO” list, although there is some overlap.  The “Monday through Friday – after work” list is a list of just one thing that I need to do each day.  I definitely have more than one thing to do each evening, but if I can at least get just ONE of the items listed on my other lists done, I will feel that I have accomplished something.  And I make sure to change it every week to keep it from getting monotonous.  So it’s not like Monday is always vacuum the living room night and Tuesday is not always  the  night to change the litterbox. 

I keep these lists on the memo app on my phone.  But, as much as it pains me to admit this, I also sometimes put a reminder on my calendar to check the list.  I mean, I really don’t want to forget to put a new metrocard into my wallet so I’m not stranded on the way to work the next day.  So, instead of just relying on the list, I add that second layer of reminder if it’s something that’s really important.

To be honest, I don’t always finish everything on the lists.  And don’t tell anyone, but there are times that not even that one item on the “Monday through Friday – after work” list gets done.  Life happens.  It’s not like the world will end if I don’t clean the microwave on a particular Wednesday or the toilet bowl on any given Thursday.  But if I didn’t have these lists, I’m not sure if ANYTHING would get done!

Funny thing though, I don’t have a bucket list.  My lists are more for staying organized, not for things I'd like to do before I die.  And I have done so many things in my life already that most people would say are “bucket worthy”.  So I don’t think I need a list for that.  …. Or do I???

I wonder if there’s a support group out there for list makers?  Maybe I should look that up on Google and create a list of the ones in my area.  And I could create a list of my lists to show them that I have a list making problem.


Hi, my name Lisa, and I’m a list maker. (now you all say “Hi Lisa!” in a supportive tone!)

Sunday, June 5, 2016

Nice guys don’t always finish last!!

I was once told “You’re too nice!” by a coworker. And it was not meant as a compliment!  What was I being “too nice” about, you ask? I’d gotten a voicemail message meant for someone else. I’m not even sure if the caller had reached the correct company. But she needed to confirm a sales order. So I called her back to let her know that she hadn’t reached “Jacqueline”. The call back took all of 2 minutes of my time, didn’t require much effort and helped the woman out. I still don’t get how that’s being “too nice”? But my co-worker said that she would have just deleted the voicemail. She wouldn’t be “so nice”.  I really don’t think that particular scenario showed me to be too nice. It showed that my coworker was, plain and simple, a mean person!

I do try to be nice as much as I can. (yes, there are times I’m in a grumpy mood, or when I can get annoyed with other people) But overall, I do try to treat people nicely. I just think it’s the right thing to do.  When I walk up to a salesperson or a cashier or someone working at a store where I’m shopping, I always say hello, good morning or ask how they are doing. Why? Because it’s nice to acknowledge that they are more than just someone there to “serve” me.  I do get thrown off a bit when the reaction is somewhat hostile, with a stone-face or that look that say “Why the hell are you trying to be nice to me?” But usually, the result is a smile back, some pleasantries, and I may even get better service.  Or, at the very least, I get to feel good for having treated another human being with respect and kindness.  Even to those who don’t respond in a positive way.  Maybe they’re having a hard day and I hopefully made it a tiny bit nicer (or at least no worse).

I also really try my hardest to not walk around with “Resting Bitch-Face”. I’m amazed as I people-watch while I’m out and about, just how many people out there have RBF.  At least in NYC, I’ve noticed that. We’ve all heard that it takes more muscles to frown than to smile, so smiling should be easier. But even if that is just an old wives tale, I’d much prefer the smile creases around my eyes than the two frown lines between them!

The other day as I was walking to work, a gentleman walked out of the local coffee shop. He hadn’t held the door open for the young lady carrying a tray filled with coffees who was exiting behind him. As soon as he realized what he had done (or actually, not done) he quickly turned and went back to hold the door, apologizing profusely, saying that his Mother didn’t raise him to be the type of man who doesn’t hold doors for others. He was so upset with himself.  A block later, as we waited next to each other for the light to change so we could cross the street, I could tell he was still disappointed in himself for not acting like his mother had raised him to act.

It made me wonder, what mother DOES raise their child to be rude and inconsiderate? Really, are there any Moms out there that would take pride in raising a self-absorbed, chip on their shoulders, rude person? And yet, there are so many people in the world walking around with such negative attitudes toward each other, itching for an argument, or getting offended by every little thing.


We’re not born to be nice or to be mean.  It’s not in our DNA.  Being nice or being mean … they are each a choice we get to make.  For me personally, the RIGHT choice is to try to be nice! Even if others may think I’ll finish last!