The Golden Rule

I have never been a religious person.  Yes, I do identify with a religion, but it’s more of a cultural thing than a religious thing for me.  I have mixed feelings when it comes to religion in general, and these mixed feelings apply to all religions. Part of me feels that religions help to guide people to be better versions of themselves.  But another part of me feels that religions serve to separate, alienate and exclude those who don’t belong to the same religion and to even exclude those from the same religion who don’t believe the exact same things from that same religion.  On the positive side again, one thing religions are supposed to do is to provide a moral compass, a guidance of how to be a good person. 

The thing is … why should we NEED this guidance?  Shouldn’t it come naturally?  Shouldn’t we all have the basic desire to treat others with kindness, respect and dignity, as we would want to be treated ourselves?  We are human, afterall.  We should be HUMANE!

Luke 6:31 states “Do to others as you would have them do to you.”  Not from my religion, not from any scripture that I grew up reading or being taught.  But it’s something that I’ve always tried to live by.  Something that is a basic tenant of all religions. (well, maybe not Satanic Worship)  But it is something that’s also always frustrated me, because most people do not seem to live by this!  And while I’m going about my life, trying to do and say things in a way that I would want others to do and say things to me … well, it’s not the case for others, and I often end up hurt by this lack of courtesy.

It is because of others NOT following this bible teaching, this moral compass, these words to live by, that I find that I am often the one who is doing more for others, being there for others, treating others well and with thoughtful kindness, and not receiving the same in return.  But I don’t do or say or act in this “do unto others” way in order to make sure I’m treated well in return.  I do, say, and act this way because it’s what I feel is right. It’s how I can look myself in the mirror and like the person I see. So it shouldn’t bother me so much.  But it does.  I just wish I wasn’t disappointed by others so often.

How many times have you been hurt because you’ve been lied to?  Or how many times has someone completely disregarded your feelings, because that would mean thinking of someone other than themselves?  Can you think of a time (or times) when you’ve gone out of your way to be kind, where you could have just said nothing or done nothing, only to have the other person completely ignore you, and not even acknowledge that you reached out in the first place?

I can’t count the number of times I’ve simply wished someone well, and while they may or may not say thank you, oftentimes they don’t offer the same in return.  No “same to you” or similar wish sent my way.  Just an acceptance of my wishing THEM well, without the care and thought that I be wished well.  People want to be treated kindly, but they often put no effort into doing the same for others.  If someone says to you “Have a great day” or “All the best” or anything to that effect… say it back!!! Something other than JUST a self-absorbed “thanks” … and definitely something other than nothing at all! 

You don’t like when people are mean to you?  Then don’t be mean to others!  It frustrates you when someone doesn’t respond to you reaching out?  Then don’t ignore when others reach out to you.  You don’t want to be lied to?  Then don’t lie (or omit truths)!  You want compassion from others?  Then give compassion to others!!  Think of others, and do unto others!  It’s not all about YOU.  It’s all about how YOU interact with OTHERS!

Christianity:  Do to others as you would have them do to you. (Luke)

Judaism:  What is hateful to you, do not do to your fellowman. This is the entire Law; all the rest is commentary. (Talmud)

Islam:  No one of you is a believer until he desires for his brother that which he desires for himself. (Sunnah)

Buddhism:  Hurt not others in ways that you yourself would find hurtful. (Udana-Varga)

Hinduism:  This is the sum of duty; do naught onto others what you would not have them do unto you. (Mahabharata)

Taoism:  Regard your neighbor’s gain as your gain, and your neighbor’s loss as your own loss. (Tai Shang Kan Yin P’ien)

Lisa-ism:  Just friggin’ treat each other with the respect, forethought and kindness that you want to receive! (Lisa - Random thoughts and observations)

I didn’t think it could get worse! But, oh boy did it!!

So, about a month and a half ago, I entered the oh-so-wonderful world of online dating!  As I wrote in a post back then, I wasn’t too thrilled about re-entering this scene.  I had been there in the past, and wasn’t thrilled with the way it turned out.  And I find dating in general to be nerve wracking!  But, enter it, I did.  

Well, what was always an uncomfortable arena for me has now become a pure nightmare!! 

I’ve gotten a lot of “hits”, and even went out on a few dates.  No “love connections” with those guys, however.  But I was still hopeful to find the guy who would set my tummy to butterflies, who would also be a good guy, and would treated me nice.  The thing is, for the most part the majority of the guys that contact me aren’t even going to make it to the first date. 

I am still getting guys from as far away as the Middle East.  Nevermind that the first paragraph of my profile states very clearly that if you don’t live in the NYC area, I’m not going to be interested in making pen pals and won’t respond.  Part of me is tempted from time to time to reply to these long-distance guys contacting me from Austin, TX, Los Angeles, CA, or Tel Aviv, Israel, and say “Hey! Nice to meet you. What do you say we cut to the chase and meet tomorrow at 35^th and Lexington and grab a cup of coffee?”  But, I control my sarcasm and just delete the email.

I’m also still getting the REALLY young guys, who think that dating me will be “cool”, and that the fact that I’m more than twice their age is “no biggie”.  Thing is, I’m probably older than their Mom. And it is a biggie.  What would I have in common with a 23 year old??  I’m also still getting the 75 year olds, pretending to be 55.  My first thought with these guys is “Wow, if you’re 55, you are NOT aging well at all!!” 

But, the thing that is making this time around more of a horror to me is that I’m finding that a majority of the guys on the site are just looking for a quick hookup!  And they aren’t shy about it!  I mean, not shy AT ALL!!!  I had one guy start in on the second sentence with asking sex questions about my favorite position.  He actually hadn’t even asked my name yet!!  Insane!!!

I had started chatting with this one guy.  He seemed nice, and we even took the conversation offline into texting directly.  We were talking for about a week and had set up a date to go to dinner.  The night before our date, we were texting, setting the specifics of the date for the next night, as well as catching up on our week.  Then he asked me to send him a pic … of my boobs!!  I told him no, that I won’t do that. Guess what?  He cancelled the date!  Seriously?!?!  WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH THESE GUYS????

It makes me wonder, am I just too old for this? Is this the way of the dating world nowadays?  Part of me wants to just give up completely and be alone.  It’s got to be easier than dealing with this crap!  But another part of me truly believes that there has to be at least one truly good guy out there.  Who knows, maybe he and I have already started chatting.  Time will tell.  In the meantime, my “delete” button gets a lot of action.

Make New Friends, But Keep The Old

I’m not sure if you know that song.  “Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other gold.”  I’m also not sure if there’s more to it than that one verse, because that’s all I ever knew.  But it’s about old friends being the gold standard, but that you should also make new friends, because they’re pretty darn good too!

When we were kids, making friends was easy.  Well, somewhat easy.  Ok, maybe not that easy.  But at least the opportunities were more plentiful.  We had school, after-school activities, clubs, summer camps, and so on.  We had natural social activities that were meant for making friends.  So, while it can be scary to approach new people and make new friends, at least we had places that would allow us to do that.

As we get older, it gets more difficult to meet new people.  There aren’t as many naturally occurring “friend making” places for us.  Work, yeah, but sometimes it’s best to keep work and social life separate. And the ability to approach someone and simply say “Hi, my name is  ….” becomes more nerve-wracking.

After high school, and maybe even after college, we hopefully had our group of core friends to hang out with. So together, we would go out to clubs, and try to meet more people.  But did we really meet and make many lasting friendships out in clubs?  Probably not.  Or at least, not many.

And then, a lot of people that we were friends with when younger may have met their “significant others” in college or grad school or shortly thereafter.  So they went on to a different social arena.  The “couples” arena.  They may have hung out with us, their single friends, from time to time. But being a “couple” meant that the single friend was the “third wheel” and it became easier to hang out with other couples.  Then their kids came along and now the couples were “families” and they were spending most of their time juggling their kids’ social schedules.  So while they are still friends of our, they are more likely not the people we’ll spend most of our time with, if we’re still single.

So those of us who are still single find ourselves in a smaller universe.  At least it is smaller if we stuck just to our age bracket.  If we pushed the slider a bit in either direction, we could hang out with more people. That is, until they may enter the “couples” or “families” arenas.

But where do we go to meet others?  I am not really looking to go out clubbing.  It’s not that I don’t like to dance, but it hasn’t really changed from when I was younger and would go out clubbing. I wasn’t making new friends. If anything, I may meet some guy and maybe we’d exchange numbers and maybe we’d go out.  But I didn’t really make “friends” by going clubbing.

For me, thankfully, I found Meetup.com.  I have met so many people through that site who are new friends.  Good friends.  “Silver-on-the-way-to-becoming-gold” friends. People I love to spend time with!  These are friends of all nationalities, races, ages, religions.  What do we have in common (other than being members of Meetup)?  Well, we all probably want to make new friends.  Yes, we’re definitely keeping the old friends.  But we find new friends to spend time with, to experience new things with. 

I don’t think I’ll ever stop making new friends.  And my cache of “gold” friends keeps getting bigger!  So I’m getting “rich” with both silver and gold …. friends, that is.  Wouldn’t that be nice if it were also just plain old silver and gold?  But if I had a choice, I’d take the friends over the metals!  They are much more valuable!!

Just call me an Adrenaline Junky!!

I’ve always been a bit of an adrenaline junky!  As a kid I was very active and did lots of very physical types of activities.  I took gymnastics, starting at the age of 5.  I took all sorts of dance classes.  I was the one who liked to place the foam mattresses from our guest bed on the stairs to the basement, and slide down them, head first.  Horseback riding, with learning how to do jumps, was one of my favorite childhood activities (even when I would get thrown or go over a jump without the horse.  Even that one time that while going over a jump, my horse turned and I fell off WITH MY FOOT STILL STUCK IN THE STIRRUP!!   Having grown up in a neighborhood that had originally been an apple orchid, I would often be found up in a tree.  Climbing trees was always something I loved to do.  I would climb out onto a limb, and pick some of the apples.  I’d eat some and throw some down to my dog, who was waiting for her treat!  Skiing was something that in my family, we had no choice about.  My Dad was a National Ski Patrolman.  So we were up at the slopes most weekends when I was a kid.  Thing is, I hate the cold weather!!  REALLY hate it!  So while it was fun to go downhill, I really didn’t enjoy being cold!!

As I got older, I expanded to other activities.  In college I started the women’s Rugby team!  I love rugby!  It’s a very physically challenging sport.  Unfortunately, most of the women who initially signed up were not that thrilled with being incredibly sore, and having raspberry bruises all over!  So the team didn’t last very long! 

I was in the cycling club too.  Now, you may not think that’s very adrenaline inducing.  But when you are riding in traffic, it does get that way.  There were lots of  times that I had to quickly swerve to avoid getting hit, or to avoid a car door that quickly opened.  There was the one time I didn’t swerve fast enough out of the way of the car door.  Riding head first into an open car door is NOT fun!

But I have to say that the most adrenaline inducing activity that I ever took on was the flying trapeze!  I can still remember my first time up on the rig.  I was in Turks and Caicos.  It was a GORGEOUS setting for flying!  The ocean, the beach, the trees and the beautifully painted buildings.  I climbed the VERY high ladder, and crossed over the open space to the platform.  Once up there, I felt my legs shaking.  I was a bit surprised, because I didn’t really think that I was nervous.  I waited for the person in front of me to finally hop off to do her turn.  It took a while, because she was REALLY nervous.  And as soon as she left, I realized that it hadn’t been my legs that were shaking, it was her!  She was shaking so badly, that she shook the entire platform, and me on it!  So it was my turn to get hooked up in the safety lines, and hop off the platform into thin air! 

And once I did, there was no turning back!  I was hooked!  I returned to the resort 2 more times in the next 4 months, with the sole purpose to do more flying trapeze!  Then FINALLY, a trapeze school opened in New York City!! I spent a boatload of money taking classes!  But I was having the best time!!  Even with the extremely sore muscles (which I actually like.  I know, I’m a weirdo!) and the ripped skin on my hands (that I didn’t like so much!!  Especially when it came time to shower or wash my hair!!)  There are now several flying trapeze schools in the NYC area.  

During the years after I started flying trapeze, I spent the majority of my time either up in the air, preparing to go up in the air, or talking with my fellow flyer friends about being up in the air!!

Unfortunately, a few years back, I had an accident and ended up having to have 2 surgeries and went through 9 months of physical therapy.  Yes, it was a flying trapeze accident.  All I’m going to say about that is … if you’re not being paid to fly in a circus, and if you cannot tell if the timing is off, then NEVER take off the safety lines!  With the safety lines, flying trapeze is not really that dangerous!  (well, except to the skin on your hands!)   

Have I been back to flying trapeze?  Yes.  But now, the shaking on the platform may actually come from me.  Where I never had fear before, I now do get somewhat nervous.  But will that completely stop me?  Oh hell no!!  But I’m definitely not a regular at the rig, like I once was.  And yes, that is a bit sad.

This past Friday, I tried laser tag for the first time!  O … M … G!!!  So much fun!!!  Adrenaline pumped!  I got lots of exercise (yes, I’m one of those weirdos who likes to exercise!) and my thighs are screaming at me today!  And I was actually really good!  Like, REALLY good!  Being short was definitely an advantage in this game!  The only thing that would have made it better … if we could have climbed up on things!! 

So, if there’s ever a faction choosing ceremony that I have to go through, be assured, my blood will be dripped onto burning coals!

*for those who never read or saw the Divergent series, the last sentence refers to choosing to join the group known for being brave