When does dating get easier?!?!

Dating!  I hated it when I was younger.  Hate it still!  I’ve seriously never really LIKED to date.  I find it exciting in the beginning, but at the same time, very uncomfortable.  I’d much rather be seeing just one person!  But of course, you must date first to get to that point.  Or at least that’s how it works most of the time. 

The first few dates with someone new always feel like interviews to me.  You are trying to be on your best behavior, tell only the most flattering things about yourself, and you make that extra effort to look AMAZING, from your outfit to your hair to your makeup. 

Then when you have a few dates with one person, you start to relax a bit.  I personally still like to make sure I look good, but after a few dates, I’ll start to let them see more of my vulnerabilities.  Let them get to know the deeper things about me.  Hopefully they do the same.  Although, I have dated some guys who are … hmm, how should I put this … almost downright secretive.  It can almost seem like I’m dating someone who is in a witness protection program, where I can know NOTHING about their life when they aren’t with me.  It really only makes me wonder what is not being said, what is so horrible that I can’t know more about them?  What are they hiding?!?!  And then, when the dating/seeing each other comes to an end, I usually feel that I never really knew them at all.  And yes, it does eventually end, because how can you develop any kind of relationship of any depth with someone who won’t let you in, and makes sure that you never feel like you are really a part of their life in any significant way.

I’ve done the online dating thing.  I have a ton of funny (and yet, not so funny) stories from that!  Like the guy who in the first few emails back and forth started to “yell” at me for not sharing his political views.  You can probably guess, that never ended up being an actual date.  Or the guy that peeled away from my curb before I had even gotten 2 feet away.  I mean, really?  At least watch that I get inside, if you’re not willing to walk me to the door.  Or the guy who, after I told him that I don’t really feel a “romantic” kind of connection to him, asked if I could set him up with my sister (who he hadn’t even seen, but only knew I had because he asked about siblings on our one date)

Also, with online dating, I usually get either guys that are VERY young, looking for that “cougar” relationship or quick hookup, or I get the guy who claims he’s 55, but looks closer to 75. So there’s a lot more of “um, no thanks”, than there are actual dates.

I’ve been set up on dates with guys through friends.  Sometimes I wonder after those experiences … “Really?  Is that what my friend thinks of me?”  Don’t get me wrong, I have been set up with some very nice guys too.  The last set-up I had, the guy was very nice, but I just didn’t feel that romantic type of connection.  Too bad, because he was a nice guy.

I’ve also gone the route of deciding to be alone for a while.  Just hang out with my friends and focus on me and what is going on in my life.  And while that is definitely needed at times, it does get lonely.  And honestly, after a while of being alone, it’s kind of difficult to get back out there. 

I was recently seeing someone, but unfortunately, that’s ended.  So now I need to decide, do I re-activate my OKCupid account?  Ask my friends if they know any nice, single guys.  Or do I just go solo for now?  Hmm, decisions, decisions.  Why doesn’t this get any easier as we get older?!? 

Sleep like a baby!

We’ve either heard or said that line in one form or another at some point in our lives.  “I slept like a baby last night.”  “After all this fresh air, I’m gonna sleep like a baby!”  “Don’t wake him, he’s sleeping like a baby!” But if you really think about it, that line is completely wrong!  Babies don’t sleep well. They are up every couple of hours to either eat, pee or poop!  Have you ever heard of a baby getting eight straight hours of sleep without waking?  So, sleeping like a baby should mean that you aren’t getting a good night’s sleep.

Unfortunately, as I get older I actually do sleep like a baby!  No, I don’t wake up every 2 hours to have a bottle of formula.  But I do get up to use the restroom at least once during the night!  I’ve even try to not have any liquids past a certain point in the evening, but I still get up!  And I end up feeling dehydrated by morning.  

I’ve tried to ignore the "need", and sleep (or go back to sleep) through it.  But it only works for a short time.  And if it does work and I do sleep through it, I end up waking up about an hour before I actually need to get up.  Going back to sleep at that point is hard, if not impossible. Plus, if I do manage to fall back to sleep, I end up waking up even more tired at the alarm.

I also don’t sleep as soundly as I’m getting older.  Babies actually can do this. They can sleep through all sorts of noises.  Not me!  Someone slams a door down the hall, I’m up.  A car alarm goes off outside, Hello middle of the night!  The woman upstairs decides to have a romantic evening … well, that’s the worst!  I mean, who wants to be woken by that type noise without it being you who is getting the benefits?!  It actually got so bad with her “noises” that the Board of the Cooperative I live in forced her to get wall-to-wall carpeting.  It helps … a little.  What helps more is when she doesn’t have a boyfriend!

I’ve tried earplugs.  They help, but not enough.  If the noises are loud enough, they get through.  And it's a strange feeling to sleep with them.

I’ve tried the sound machines.  They actually only keep me awake. (see above re: not being able to sleep through noises)  And the ones that sound like ocean waves or babbling brooks … well, we’re back to the whole needing to use the restroom issue!

I know from my parents telling me, that this “waking up at night” thing only gets worse the older we get.  And while I don’t feel (or act) my current age most of the time, it seems that I have no power to stop this part of getting older.  I guess I can’t complain, since I’ve managed to keep myself from “getting older” in most other ways.

So I think people should stop saying that they slept like a baby.  I think people should actually say “I slept like a teenager last night!”  Now, THEY know how to sleep!!

Keep on Hoarding in the Real World

We’ve all seen the shows about people who are hoarders. Big Edie and Little Edie.  The news story about the guy who was found dead, buried under 10+ years of old newspapers. We shake our heads and wonder how anyone could let things get that bad. How can they live like that, with only a tiny path to move from room to room, no place to sit, no place to breathe.

But they didn’t start out like that.  This is not a problem that happens overnight.  It is years in development.  Which, in a way, is a very scary thought! It could potentially happen to any of us!  And in this modern age, it’s actually even easier! 

I don’t even need to leave my bed to order a buttload of stuff off the internet!  Amazon Prime, Overstock (as in “stock my place until it’s OVERflowing”), Ebay, and basically every other retailer now has an online version where you can shop!  Convenient, yes.  Dangerous … well, also, yes!

I am definitely a culprit of this online addiction of purchasing!!  I now make most of my purchases online.  Everything from electronics to cat litter!  And I’m not the only one.  The package room in my building is brimming on a daily basis!

But do I really NEED it all?  Absolutely not!  I mean, yes, I do need to buy cat litter, and food for the fur babies, and it is definitely much more convenient to do it online, so I’m sure that will never change for me.  But do I need that golden Buddha head statue?  Do I need yet another pair of sneakers? How many t-shirts is enough?

And yet, this new trend (actually, I’m not sure if it’s “new”, but it’s newly popular in the media) of minimalism that is coming out of Japan is an interesting polar opposite to what is happening in the Western world!  I don’t know if I could live with such minimalism myself.  I do want more than 1 plate, 1 spoon, 1 fork, 1 knife, and only 2 pairs of pants and a couple of shirts.  But, it does make one (that “one” being me) think about just how much I already have, and that I really don’t NEED.

Every few months, I do go through my clothes and fill up a bag (or 7) to give to donation.  And it’s a struggle.  I may not have worn something in the last few weeks or even months, but I get nervous that I will need it the day after I give it away!  That, my blog-reading friends, is the real problem!  This attachment to “STUFF”. 

So what do I do about this?  I have to psych myself up to be brutal and get rid of things.  Set myself a goal.  (maybe create a list??) Fill up at least 3 bags of clothing and get rid of at least a box filled with tchotchkes. And then maybe change the password to my Amazon Prime account and not write it down?!  Oh wait, I still need that kitty litter!  Darn it!  Foiled before I even begin!  The frustration of it!  Maybe some shoe shopping therapy will help?!

“On the road again” or “There's no place like home”

I'm writing this entry from Florence, Italy, even though it will be posted once I'm back home. I love to travel, to see other places, learn the history and culture. I also am a big fan of the resort type travel as well (scuba vacations are always fun!) But traveling definitely has its ups and downs.

The positives, in addition to other cultures and places is the new experiences, tasting new foods (or at least more authentic than you can get back home), meeting new people. And of course, not having to be at work! Unless you happen to write a travel blog or something similar. Traveling for work is definitely not the same!

But, there are definitely the downsides to travel, even if it is for enjoyment.

Not speaking the language can be daunting, frustrating, and can even be scary at times. This trip hasn’t been too bad. Most people speak at least a tiny bit of English.  There was only one time where one of my travel companions was “chased” by some angry lady at an open market stall for not stopping to look at her stuff.  When I said “No Italian”, she gave me a gesture that could only mean that she wasn’t too pleased, rattled off some more Italian, and finally went back to her stall. I don’t think anyone ever taught this woman that being nasty isn’t going to earn you a sale.

Sleeping in a bed that isn't your bed can also be hard to get used to. While the bed on this trip is comfortable enough, it isn’t as good as mine at home, and their pillows SUCK!! I mean, REALLY SUCK!!!  I love my bed at home!  It is super firm, and my pillows are the perfect thickness and weight! I could spend all day cuddled up in my bed! I don’t (unless I’m sick), but I could and it would be so comfy!

And there are the new noises to get used to. On this trip it’s been the 5 a.m. wake up from the garbage being collected (also known as the TONS of wine bottles the restaurant downstairs had served the day before being tossed noisily into a metal truck) and the shops opening their metal pulldown gates to get ready for their new work day. And did you know that Italy has SOOOOO many churches!  The church bells can be heard for quite a distance!! 

Plus, Italy is HOT during the summer.  I mean REALLY HOT.  And humid!  And, Italians don’t seem to be big fans of air conditioning!  Put the two together, and well, yeah, not pleasant! I know, the environment, greenhouse gasses and all that. But when you are literally melting away (yes, literally, as the sweat drips off me!) you really aren’t as concerned about that.

But, the hardest part of traveling can be the having to be 24/7 with your travel companions!  I do love the people I am traveled with, so don’t get me wrong. But in the normal course of my days back home, we’re not together ALL THE TIME!! Not everyone wants to do the same thing as others. Nobody is going to be in a great mood all the time. And everyone needs a little time alone now and then.  But I think we’re doing pretty good, considering the amount of time together!

This trip is definitely a LOT better than a trip I took with a friend a few years ago!  By the end of the trip, we weren’t talking, and weren’t friends anymore!  But from the way she was on the trip, I think the friendship would have been doomed eventually anyway.  Because you can’t hide that level of crazy for too long!!

I’m happy that I am experiencing Italy, and all the things I’ve seen, done, tasted, heard! We are fitting a ton of things into the little time I have here.  But I am also looking forward to heading home!  To see my fur babies! To sleep in my own bed!  To have air conditioning!!

Just not looking forward to having to go back to work!  Hmmm, travel blogs?!?!

When did “9 to 5” become “24/7”?

So, being old enough to be an AARP member, I’ve been in the work world for quite a while.  I started working part time back in high school.  I actually worked at a mini-factory of sorts, making quiches. Not a bad gig, actually.  It did have its down sides, as every job does.  Like when you were assigned the job of processing the huge block of cheese into grated cheese, and you’d break out in hives from the fumes.  But it had its up sides too.  Like getting to take home the ones that came out of the oven with cracked crusts!

But one thing I’ve noticed over the years … what used to be thought of as the “9 to 5” world has now become a “24/7” thing.  And it is NOT a good change!

Back when I first became a paralegal, I worked at a law firm.  Law firms are notorious for having their employees work a TON of hours.  It’s all about the billable.  I would regularly work late.  And I’m not talking 7 or 8 at night, I’m talking 10 or 11 at night.  At times I’d be there would be even later.  And on a rare occasion, I’d never get home.  I had a change of clothes in my office and a sleeping bag stored under my desk for times when I would have to pull an all-nighter, catching a half an hour or so of sleep before starting the next full day.

When I was ready to leave the law firm for an in-house position, I sat down with one of the partners I worked with on a consistent basis.  He didn’t want me to leave and offered to have the law firm pay for me to go to law school.  I was honored that he thought enough of me to make that offer.  But I turned him down. I didn’t want this kind of life.  I want quality of life.  I wanted to earn enough to pay my bills and save for vacations and retirement.  I didn’t need to live in the style of what is commonly thought of as being “rich”, because to me being rich is having a family who loves me, good friends who are like family, and the time to enjoy the things life has to offer.

After the law firm, I worked at jobs that were more reasonable in their hour requirements.  But now, in the past 10-15 years or so, it’s gotten to the point that even the “in-house” hours are getting longer. I know there are certain industries where this is always going to be the case.  But now more companies want to have more done, by less people.  They want everyone on a blackberry or smartphone, connected all the time to the office. 

Taking the weekend, or a vacation, completely away from work related interruptions is practically unheard of!  Weekends and vacations were traditionally meant to let a person recharge their batteries, so they can come back to the office better prepared to tackle the work on their plate.  How is not getting this “off” time having an effect on us?  There is no rest, there is no recharging.  So are we really as productive in the hours we are working?  Now they have desks that you can raise up so you can stand for part of your day, to reduce the risk of stroke.  Seriously?  We have become so glued to our desks that we are risking our very health!

The United States ranks VERY low on the scale of countries that are best for a work-life balance.  It’s not even in the top 10 of the best countries for a good work-life balance. Heck, it’s not even in the top 25! And it’s worse in the metropolitan areas of the country.  These are the areas where leisurely walking down the street will annoy others around you (um, New York, I’m talking about you!) Everyone is rushing around to get more done in less time.  Because we spend so much of our time at work.  Why do we feel that we need to live to work, rather than work to live? 

There are still places in the world where you can have a good quality of life, be able to pay your bills, enjoy life, and not need to work endless hours!  In my searching for how bad the US is on the scale, I saw a number of countries that are much better!  I seriously need to consider moving to Denmark!  At least until that country decides to turn “9 to 5” into “24/7”.