Winter is coming, and not just to Westeros

I love the fact that living in New York I get to experience the changes of the seasons.  I don’t know how I’d feel if I lived in a place like Florida, where the weather changes mainly have to do with how wet it gets, and not the temperature or what the surroundings look like from season to season.

My favorite time of year is spring, when everything is new and coming to life.  The days start to get longer.  Instead of waking up when it’s pitch black out, and heading home from work when it has already gotten dark, you get to see more sunlight.  I always look for the new buds coming out on the trees. I know that once I see that, the warmer weather won’t be far behind.  I get the biggest thrill when I spot the first crocus petals poking through the dirt!  It is a time of a fresh start for the earth.  And I feel that it is like that for people as well.

My second favorite season is fall.  The changing of the leaves, with all the variety of color is breathtaking.  The air becomes more crisp, and the humidity abates.  The brutal hot temperatures ease up, and you can actually keep the windows open and enjoy the fresh air, rather than living in a constant state of air conditioning.

I also like the clothing for the fall.  The layers and the earth tone colors.  I can start to wear my boots again, without feeling like my feet are on fire and I’m going to melt.

Today I spent the day out hiking the trails in a park near my house with a new friend.  We started out early, and it was still a little brisk.  So I had my warmer jacket and scarf to be fashionable and functional.  Even the dog had on her sweater at first.  But as we walked, the sun came out and it became a beautiful day!  We took lots of photos, having a photo shoot of sorts with my dog posing among the fallen leaves and dappled sunshine.  She’s so well behaved and really gave my friend a great subject matter for his photography.  It was a perfect fall day.  I guess if every day were like today, I may not mind not having a change of seasons.

I’m ok with the summertime too.  Yes, it can get too hot, and too humid.  But I don’t really mind it that much.  Except when I have to be on a subway platform.  I have no clue why, but for some reason it is always so much hotter and more humid down there.  You’d think that being underground, out of the beating sun that it would be cooler.  But, alas, it’s not.  But even with this, I still enjoy summer. 

Perhaps that’s because summer is still reminiscent of childhood memories of no school, playing in the backyard pool, and barbeques.  I also love that the daylight lasts so much longer.  I need sunshine to be happy (even though I will avoid standing directly in it).

The one season I really am not a fan of is the winter! I do like when it first snows. Especially if it snows at night.  Everything seems quieter. And it’s so pretty to see the pristine snow on the streets, the trees, the grass, and even on the cars. But in New York City that pristine snow doesn’t last very long. We end up left with an ugly, grey, icy or slushy mess for months and months!

I also can’t seem to get fully warmed up the entire winter.  I am not exaggerating when I say that I take a hot bath practically every day in the winter.  It’s the only way to get the cold out of my bones!  It doesn’t matter how layered I dress, the cold just seeps in.

And having to get bundled up in so many layers that you feel like the Michelin man is anything but fun. It’s exhausting having to put on a ton of layers, then to have to undo/unbutton/unzip/untie everything once you’re on the subway.  Then redo/rebutton/rezip/retie everything to head out from the subway, only to have to take everything off again when you reach your destination.  I’m exhausted just typing about it.

And for some reason, of which I also have no clue, spring, summer and fall all seem to fly by, where as winter seems to drag on for an eternity!

Anyway, winter is coming, like it or not. Nothing that can be done about it.  Except to enjoy perfect fall days like today until winter arrives!  Then, start counting the days until those crocus reappear!

My absolutely FAVORITE holiday!!

Halloween is my favorite holiday!  I mean, seriously, what’s better than combining cosplay and candy?  Two of my absolute favorite things! 

Most people think that Halloween is a Christian holiday, meant to usher in All Saints’ Day on November 1st with All Hallows’ Eve on October 31st. (All Hallows’ Eve was shortened to Halloween)  It was in the 8^th century that Pope Gregory III designated November 1^st as All Saints’ Day.  But actually this isn’t where Halloween got its start.

Halloween actually originated with an ancient Celtic festival called Samhain (pronounced sow-in) which is a festival marking the end of the harvest season and the beginning of winter or the "darker half" of the year.  During this festival people believed that the dearly departed came back as ghosts, so they would light bonfires and leave food and wine on their doorsteps for these spirit visitors.  Ghosts were thought to revisit their old homes seeking hospitality.   People would also wear masks when they left their homes, in the hope that they would be mistaken as a fellow ghost, and would not be haunted.  There are also records that shows that as part of Samhain people would go from house to house in costume, either reciting songs or verses in exchange for food. This was known as “mumming” and “guising”.  Hmmm … mumming … is that like “mummy”?  Probably not.  But “guising” and “disguise” are definitely related words!

As immigrants (yes, Donald, immigrants) came to America, they brought with them their traditions, including the tradition of All Saints’ Day and All Hallows’ Eve.  But, by the early 1900s, the holiday became more of a secular tradition than a religious holiday.  And in the 1950, the holiday started to resemble the current traditions that are celebrated all over this country on October 31^st, with kids going house to house to “trick or treat”.

For adults, the “traditions” of this holiday are VERY different from going “trick or treating”.

For adults it’s a time dress up, drink and have a big ‘ol party!  Like adults actually need a holiday to do this?!

In New York, the Village Halloween Parade is a time-honored tradition.  Believe it or not, this parade is actually in its 42^nd year!  And it gets bigger and bigger every year!  Definitely a must-see at least once in your lifetime!  But if you plan to go, get there early. And I mean REALLY early.  Or you will be 6 people deep!

Halloween has become a day to parody the popular culture of the times.  Some costumes are very clever.  Like this couple costume of “Lego my Eggo”

Others seem to cross the line of funny (the new Kim Kardashian Paris robbery costume isn’t going over too well).  I am wondering how many Donald and Hillary costumes are going to be out there this year.  Probably sprinkled in with some Bernies.

I’m not sure when in history it also became a time for women to dress in the skimpiest of outfits and look as sexy or slutty as they possibly can.  I’m sure if I dug deeply enough on Google, I could find that out.  Or at least see lots of slutty Halloween costumes.  This one young … um, lady … seemed to be able to come up a costume that was both clever and slutty at the same time.  Kudos!

And yes, back in my younger days I had my fair share of those sexy type of costumes.  A belly dancer, a fallen angel, a fairy. This was me as “Little Red Riding Hood” a number of years back.

I cannot tell you how many times I heard some version of “Hey, I'm the Big Bad Wolf.” that night. *eyeroll*

I’m not sure if it’s because I’m older, or because I got sick of dealing with drunken horny guys, or because I realized that I could be soooo much more creative than just wearing a very tight, low cut/high cut (depending on whether we’re talking about tops of bottoms) outfit, maybe putting on some devil ears, or cat ears, or angel wings or whatever to make it look more costume-y and less prostitute-y.  But I decided to move away from the "let's see how slutty I can dress" type costumes, and moved on to the more creative, and definitely more comfortable costumes.

In the past few years I have been:

a Minion

Lots of fun, especially since I could sing the "Banana" song.  But rather warm in that fleece lined hoody!

a cracked porcelain doll

and a Monster from “Monsters, Inc.”

But this year, I’m going all out!!  

I am going to be honoring my all-time favorite television show and going as … a walker from The Walking Dead!  Sorry, I will not be revealing the costume in advance of the party that I’m going to be attending.  But it will definitely NOT be a sexy/slutty costume!

It’s going to be an AMAZING costume!!  I have been studying tutorials online and doing practice sessions with my special effect gashes in my skin.  My test runs have been coming out really good! I cannot wait to do the whole thing together, with the special effects makeup, the ratty hair, the dirty raggedy clothes and even the “undead” eyes!!  I've got to practice my walk, but I've got the growly grumble noise down!

Yes, the party is at a bar, where the treats will be of the alcoholic nature.  And I’ll have to take a subway to get there.  Oh what fun that will be!!  Can't wait to see the reactions!

My only concern is that some other TWD fan will get into character as well, and stab me in the head!

Being SMALL in a BIG city.

I’m what most people would call petite or tiny or small. I am barely 5 foot tall. Actually, I may be less than that, now that I’m getting older and people tend to shrink as they age.  By the time I’m 90, I’ll probably be somewhere around 4’7”. (ok, that’s an exaggeration … hopefully).

Being small has some advantages.  People let you go in front for photos.  Whether or not this is an advantage can depend on the day and how attractive you are feeling.  You can also easily fit in an airline seat, even as these become smaller and smaller.  And you don’t have to duck out of the way of low hanging branches of trees.

But the disadvantages are definitely much more plentiful and certainly outweigh in how annoying they are! 

Reaching things is the biggest and most obvious difficulty.  I have 2 step stools in my apartment, and I am frequently climbing up on them, or chairs, the coffee table or even up onto the counter in the kitchen.  And I’m not talking about just when I need to reach things on the top shelves.  Nope, I’m talking 2^nd shelf!  Ok, I can possibly reach things on the 2^nd shelf if they are towards the front of the shelf.  But pushed back into the cabinet just a bit and I’m having difficulty!

Turning off the smoke detector when my cooking sets it off or when the battery needs changing is always a complicated endeavor.  Especially if the battery decides it needs changing in the middle of the night!!

On the subway, I can’t really reach up above the people who are seated to hold onto that bar.  I can reach it, but just by my fingertips.  So I don’t have a good grip.  And people get annoyed at me if I refuse to move into the subway car more.  They just don’t understand that I need to hold onto an upright pole or lean on a door.  Even if I get my hand somewhat around that bar above the seated riders, because I’m completely stretched out and on tippy toe, by the time we have gone one or two stops, my fingers are tingling from lack of blood circulating!  And forget it if we end up stopping a little abruptly! 

When I had my bathroom renovated a few years back, I made sure that my contractor lowered the showerhead!  Before, I couldn’t really reach it to change the setting for when I needed that jet spray for getting the shampoo out.  I’d have to stand on the edge of the tub to reach it, which was not safe at all!  Now it’s a bit lower, so it’s great for me.  Sorry to any guests staying over at my place who are tall.  But if you’re tall, you probably deal with having to duck out of the way of things a lot anyway!  Opposite problems!

In the supermarket, I’m constantly having to ask people to get things off the higher shelves.  It’s annoying to have to go find someone, and it’s embarrassing too!  There have been times that I’ve said “Screw it” and did without that particular item.

There are other negatives to being small.  A really annoying one is that in a crowd, I’m at armpit level.  NOT pleasant, especially in the summer!!  Also, when you’re small and you find yourself in a crowd, it can get claustrophobic to not be able to see anything other than the chests and shoulders of those around you.

But, in addition to having these troubles, I have found that in a city like New York City, where everything is very fast paced, and people don’t have time or patience for things blocking their paths, being small is a HUGE disadvantage!!

I have noticed that when walking down the sidewalk, people will tend to head towards me when having to get through I crowd. I know that my being small makes you think I’d be easier to push aside.  The thing is … I’m used to, and actually expect, for this to happen.  So guess what, I don’t move aside so easily.  I’ve gotten very adept at “throwing my shoulder” into the person trying to push past me and nonchalantly making it look like an “oopsy”!  I’ve also learned, NEVER MAKE EYE CONTACT!!!  For some reason, if I make eye contact, they seem to head towards me even more. 

So, if you are walking down the sidewalk, and you see a crowd of people coming in your direction that you will need to get through, don’t go assuming the little one will be the easiest to get by.  We may be tiny, but we can be tough too!!

This Cave Man Culture Must Stop!

Let me begin by saying that I know that my blog is usually one that is intended to be lighthearted and fun to read. The posts are simple observations about things that happen in my life that I can chuckle about. I am well aware that this post is a huge divergence from that norm, and yet, I am not going to be apologetic about that at all. This is definitely an observation of mine, although it is far from simple.  And this observance is much more important to discuss!

The recent revelation of an audio/video recording of Donald Trump and Billy Bush discussing women in vile sexual terms has set the news on fire.  It is the top discussion around the news desks, the work desks, Facebook, and yes, I’m sure, even in the locker room.

I was disgusted when I listened to that recording.  I was thrilled that it was discussed at the second debate, since in the past I have felt that the media has not called Donald Trump to task on the things he has said that are … well, just wrong!  I was smiling when I read that Billy Bush was suspended from the Today Show, although I don’t understand why they are just suspending him “pending a review”.  What’s to review? It’s on audio/video!

I was happy to learn that more Republican leaders and some supporters have denounced Trump after this recording became public.  Although I was extremely upset and depressed to learn that the majority his supporters are simply shrugging it off, saying that it was “only talk”.

In the days after the release of the audio I was walking around with a nagging feeling that I just couldn’t put my finger on.  I kept thinking that the statements that Donald Trump made, with Billy Bush’s encouragement, were probably not “just locker room talk”.  I am sure it wasn’t just “talk”, as there have already been women in the past (and I’m sure we’ll learn about more in the future) who have made claims of being sexually assaulted by Donald Trump.  I knew that Bill Clinton’s infidelities would be brought back to the spotlight, and Donald sure tried to do that, by bringing some of Bill’s accusers to the debate.

But the nagging feeling wasn’t about the fact that it wasn’t just “locker room banter”.  I couldn’t fully understand what this nagging feeling was, because it was more than just disgust at what was said.  It was more than just hope that people would FINALLY open their eyes to what a disgusting pig the Republican nominee for President really is, although I knew from past experience with his saying things that should have lost him the support of others, it didn’t have that effect.

Then this morning, it finally hit me why this has been nagging at me so badly.  It’s not that Donald Trump had said these things.  That was not really a surprise, coming from him.  It is the fact that he is trying to blow this off as “locker room talk”.  And what’s worse, that this type of “defense” is actually even allowed to be uttered!  THIS is what is more upsetting, what is more frightening.

Our country, one that is supposed to be a world leading country, far more advanced than a vast majority of the world, is still living in caveman times!!  When we allow this type of talk, when we brush it off as “locker room banter”, we are allowing for the women in this country to be treated like they were back in caveman times.  Bashed over the head and dragged into a cave.

It is talk like this that makes the men on the dating site that I am on to think that it is perfectly fine to ask me about my preferred sex positions or about parts of my body.  That they feel it is no big deal to ask me to send them nude photos of myself.  To start conversations by telling me that I’m “sexy”.  Believe me, my photos on my profile are NOT in any way “sexy” or provocative.

It is talk like this that makes woman who have been victims of sexual assault and rape be made into the villains in courtrooms for wearing suggestive clothing, or too much makeup, or being flirty, or even being at a particular party in the first place.  It has become our fault, as women, for being too desirable, that men just can’t control themselves. 

It is talk like this that makes people like Brock Turner think that it’s acceptable to rape an unconscious woman behind a dumpster.  It’s talk like this that makes people like Judge Aaron Persky to sentence Brock Turner to a six month sentence for his RAPE conviction, because, as the Judge put it, it would have a “severe impact” on the defendant’s life.  On the DEFENDANT’S life???  What about the impact on the life of the woman that was RAPED???

It is this male-oriented, cave man, locker room banter mentality that has made it acceptable for our so-called leaders to say things like those things said on the tape, and to have that brushed off, or distracted by pointing out that “all men say things like this, and worse”. 

It’s time for it to NOT BE ACCEPTABLE for “all men to say things like this”!!  It’s time for it to NOT BE ACCEPTABLE for women to have to excuse or accept this! Our society has allowed for men to objectify women, to treat them like objects, to RAPE women.  And it’s not just men who are to blame.  We women need to stand up, stand together and REFUSE to allow this to continue!

These are our mothers, our grandmothers, our sisters, our daughters!  We need to lift them up, not cut them down with words that belittle them, that objectify them!  We must hold EVERY person, male and female, accountable for what they say, how they act, and for the general attitude they are promoting.

We cannot accept the defense of “locker room banter”!  Accepting that means we are accepting that women are not equal!  Accepting that means accepting that women are somehow “less” in worth than a man.  Accepting that means accepting that women will continue to be sexually assaulted and raped.  Accepting that means that women are simply objects to be bashed over the head and dragged into a cave.

This country needs to teach its male population (from infant to centenarian) to treat ALL humans with respect and dignity!  And the female population needs to learn to stop allowing this to happen, stop accepting this pathetic excuse!

Let’s move out of the caves of our attitudes towards gender!!

My personal addiction

Ok, I have to admit to something.  I have an addiction.  I am addicted to food.  But not in the “eating it” sort of way.  Nope, I’m addicted to viewing food!  I am a food voyeur.  Please don’t take this to mean that I only LOOK at food and have an eating disorder.  That’s not the case at all.  I am healthy and I do eat! 

But, if you have a Facebook account, you definitely have seen photos that your friends have posted of the food they are eating, or about to eat.  It’s become sort of the “thing to do” when dining out.  Nobody can dig in until the appropriate number of photos have been taken and posted to Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat and any other social networking site!  Lately I have been noticing videos of “recipes” showing up on Facebook.  They are usually set to music and show very quickly how to put the ingredients together and how the dishes turn out in the end.  They make it all look so easy!  And these all look … A …MAZING!!!

I find myself drooling over these posts! For the photos, I end up searching online for recipes.  And for the videos or the photos that have the recipes attached, I end up “sharing” these ... with myself … through direct messaging!!

I’ve created shopping lists to take to the supermarket for ones I want to try.  But I have to be honest, once I get home I am usually too tired or too hungry to spend the time to actually make the recipes.  So, I grab a quick and easy snack, put the ingredients in the fridge, and usually end up not attempting the recipe afterall.  I know, silly!

I have a bunch of recipe books.  Some that I bought throughout the years, some that were given to me as gifts and others that have been handed down to me from my Mom.  I also have one that I put together myself of recipes I found online, printed out and sorted according to whether they are appetizers, main dishes, sides or desserts. 

While waiting in the cashier line at a store, I am much more likely to reach out for the magazine that features recipes than the one that feature celebrities. I used to get one celebrity magazine delivered to my home, and I had to look up almost everyone in there to find out who they were!  But show me a brisket, flank steak or stew, and I will know just what cut of meat to buy!!

I watch various cooking shows.  NOT the one where that guy ends up yelling at the contestants, and they end up crying.  That’s not about cooking.  That’s about drama!  No thanks.  Not interested in that type of show.  No, the ones I watch are the ones where they take a regular recipe and try to make it healthier, or where they show you how to make things that you thought would be too difficult to take on, but they have a fun, easy way to do something similar.

Well, since I’ve been working from home lately, I’ve actually tried several of these recipes. 

Some have turned out pretty good!  The garlic parmesan potato stacks are AMAZING!!!  And so easy!  But because they are AMAZINGLY delicious I ended up eating the entire batch of them (meant for 4 servings) in one evening!  The quiche also turned out really good!  And it lasted for meals for a whole week for me. Which is good and bad, because I get bored with eating the same thing.  Next time, maybe I’ll try mini-quiches that I can freeze.

Others have turned out, well, not as good. The slow cooker stuffed peppers came out pretty good I guess, but they need more spices than the recipe called for.  But that’s a personal preference.  I’ve been putting lots of hot sauce on them as I eat them.  And next time I make them, I’ll add the necessary spicing to the recipe.

The mini apple tarts that look like roses seemed fantastic in the video, but they were NOT easy to make!!  The apple slices kept breaking, the pastry dough didn’t roll out easy, nor roll up easy once all the ingredients were laid out.  So they fell apart a bit.  But as for taste …. O..M..G!!!  Another one that was too tempting to each just one serving!!

It’s been fun experimenting and I have a whole bunch more to try out!  I am really enjoying being more than just a food voyeur!  But I know that once I go back to working full time, I’m going to go back to just having the time and patience to “view only”.  It will be somewhat sad to not be able to try out all these wonderful recipes I see online.  But at the same time, it’s going to be MUCH better for my waistline!!

Something I never thought I'd miss!

A month ago, I left my job.  I’m technically still “employed” and do some work for the company while I’m looking for my new full-time job.  But I do this from home. The only time I’ve gone to the office in the past month was to go have lunch with a friend. 

Working from home means a few things ….

I don’t have to set an alarm to get up at the crack of dawn to get myself and my kids with 4 legs and fur ready for the day.

I can stay in pajamas all day, if I want to.

I don’t have to put on makeup or even brush my hair, if I don’t want to.

But best of all ….

I DON’T HAVE TO TAKE THE SUBWAY!!!

Don’t get me wrong, I have been on the subway in the past month. But not at rush hour and I didn’t have to stand the entire way! I didn’t have to deal with people with their bad attitudes, bad hygiene and bad manners! 

No morning “preacher” wannabes.  No “Excuse me for disturbing you, but everything in my life and in the lives of everyone around me has gone to crap, so if you could spare a quarter …”  No pushing, or shoving from all sides.  No person who’s backpack keep knocking you in the back.  Nobody’s smelly armpit right next to my face (I’m short).  No guy who stands at the subway turnstile EVERY day in his suit and tie, with his briefcase, asking if anyone can give him a swipe.  Seriously?  You want me to pay for YOU to go to YOUR JOB, when I’m currently looking for MY OWN JOB?

Just a couple of evenings ago, I was taking the subway to go meet up with friends and I realized something.  Yes, I get all the advantages of not having to take the subway now, but I also end up missing out on a wonderful, strange, sometimes creepy, but always interesting world that is not like any other world out there.

I got on at my stop and immediately noticed the woman across from me was “boppin” to some tunes coming through her headphones.  Not sure what she was listening to, but it seemed to really be enjoyable, since she was swaying and shimmying and making all sorts of facial expressions.  I was tempted to go ask what she was listening to, but she didn’t look like she wanted to be disturbed.

At the next stop Jesus boarded the subway car!  Seriously, dude looked JUST like Jesus!!  Don’t believe me?  Well, here’s a picture I snuck of him. 

I blacked out his face since I didn’t really have permission to take or post his photo.  But, just look at him … he is TOTALLY Jesus!  I wonder what he was looking at on his phone?  Bible passages?  Current events of the world, so he could keep up with how much humans are messing up this world?  Or was he just playing Candy Crush?  (oh, and btw, the woman to his left is the “boppin’” woman)

When I looked to my right and down a bit, there was a guy who was definitely having some silent dialogue with someone.  He wasn’t mouthing the words he had going on in his head or moving around too much, but just the changes in his facial expression told me that he was really shocked by the response he got from his imaginary companion.  I wonder if he ever won that argument? 

A few stops later, a young girl came on the train. Very pretty young girl.  She looked like she was heading out for a fun night. But if she tugged at her skirt that could have passed for a belt one more time, I was going to scream “If you have to constantly adjust your clothes so that you don’t go showing you hoo-haa in public, then wear something that actually fits!!!” 

When I looked to my left, down towards the end, leaning against the door was Mr. Angry Dude!  Standing with his arms crossed, pushing up at his biceps to make them look bigger (yes, we all know that trick) with the look on his face that says “Just try it.  I dare you.”  When the door opened on his side, he wouldn’t even turn sideways to let people out or in.  They had to squeeze by, and he would give them the eye roll and the exasperated sigh.  I am not sure, but maybe he paid more than others to ride this train, and he thought he was entitled to a larger amount of the space on the train.  Honestly, if it were me leaving the car, I would have totally “accidentally” bumped into him with my bag.  But only if I were leaving the train.  I wouldn’t want to risk what he would do if I was staying on the train, being that he is Mr. Angry Dude!

There was also a young mother, sitting with a girl who had to be around 3 or 4 years old.  Cute kid.  Mom was playing some game on her phone, ignoring cute kid.  Cute kid kept saying “Ma” … “Ma” … “Ma” over and over. Finally “Ma” turned to cute kid and exasperatedly shouted “Whaaaaat?!”  Cute kid looked scared and just turned in her seat to sit quietly.  I couldn’t help myself.  I did my own eye roll and shook my head a bit at that “Ma”. 

And of course, there were the tourists.  The ones with their maps in hand, speaking in whatever foreign language is their native tongue.  Like, I don’t know, maybe they were speaking in Texan-ese or something. Looking from their map to the lighted sign that says what stops we will hit along the way.  Usually, I end up going up to these people and ask if I can help them figure out where they need to get off the train.  I mean, I wouldn’t want them to accidentally ask Mr. Angry Dude!  But, it was my stop, so I couldn’t help this time.  I hope they got to where they were going and didn’t spend their entire vacation in New York riding the subway trying to figure out which stop to get off.

One thing I realized though, by the time my 20 minute subway ride was over …

I ACTUALLY MISS RIDING THE SUBWAY!

But once I find a new job, have to wake up again at the crack of dawn and squeeze myself into a crowded subway car to ride standing up the entire way to work, I’m pretty sure I just may change my mind!

The Golden Rule

I have never been a religious person.  Yes, I do identify with a religion, but it’s more of a cultural thing than a religious thing for me.  I have mixed feelings when it comes to religion in general, and these mixed feelings apply to all religions. Part of me feels that religions help to guide people to be better versions of themselves.  But another part of me feels that religions serve to separate, alienate and exclude those who don’t belong to the same religion and to even exclude those from the same religion who don’t believe the exact same things from that same religion.  On the positive side again, one thing religions are supposed to do is to provide a moral compass, a guidance of how to be a good person. 

The thing is … why should we NEED this guidance?  Shouldn’t it come naturally?  Shouldn’t we all have the basic desire to treat others with kindness, respect and dignity, as we would want to be treated ourselves?  We are human, afterall.  We should be HUMANE!

Luke 6:31 states “Do to others as you would have them do to you.”  Not from my religion, not from any scripture that I grew up reading or being taught.  But it’s something that I’ve always tried to live by.  Something that is a basic tenant of all religions. (well, maybe not Satanic Worship)  But it is something that’s also always frustrated me, because most people do not seem to live by this!  And while I’m going about my life, trying to do and say things in a way that I would want others to do and say things to me … well, it’s not the case for others, and I often end up hurt by this lack of courtesy.

It is because of others NOT following this bible teaching, this moral compass, these words to live by, that I find that I am often the one who is doing more for others, being there for others, treating others well and with thoughtful kindness, and not receiving the same in return.  But I don’t do or say or act in this “do unto others” way in order to make sure I’m treated well in return.  I do, say, and act this way because it’s what I feel is right. It’s how I can look myself in the mirror and like the person I see. So it shouldn’t bother me so much.  But it does.  I just wish I wasn’t disappointed by others so often.

How many times have you been hurt because you’ve been lied to?  Or how many times has someone completely disregarded your feelings, because that would mean thinking of someone other than themselves?  Can you think of a time (or times) when you’ve gone out of your way to be kind, where you could have just said nothing or done nothing, only to have the other person completely ignore you, and not even acknowledge that you reached out in the first place?

I can’t count the number of times I’ve simply wished someone well, and while they may or may not say thank you, oftentimes they don’t offer the same in return.  No “same to you” or similar wish sent my way.  Just an acceptance of my wishing THEM well, without the care and thought that I be wished well.  People want to be treated kindly, but they often put no effort into doing the same for others.  If someone says to you “Have a great day” or “All the best” or anything to that effect… say it back!!! Something other than JUST a self-absorbed “thanks” … and definitely something other than nothing at all! 

You don’t like when people are mean to you?  Then don’t be mean to others!  It frustrates you when someone doesn’t respond to you reaching out?  Then don’t ignore when others reach out to you.  You don’t want to be lied to?  Then don’t lie (or omit truths)!  You want compassion from others?  Then give compassion to others!!  Think of others, and do unto others!  It’s not all about YOU.  It’s all about how YOU interact with OTHERS!

Christianity:  Do to others as you would have them do to you. (Luke)

Judaism:  What is hateful to you, do not do to your fellowman. This is the entire Law; all the rest is commentary. (Talmud)

Islam:  No one of you is a believer until he desires for his brother that which he desires for himself. (Sunnah)

Buddhism:  Hurt not others in ways that you yourself would find hurtful. (Udana-Varga)

Hinduism:  This is the sum of duty; do naught onto others what you would not have them do unto you. (Mahabharata)

Taoism:  Regard your neighbor’s gain as your gain, and your neighbor’s loss as your own loss. (Tai Shang Kan Yin P’ien)

Lisa-ism:  Just friggin’ treat each other with the respect, forethought and kindness that you want to receive! (Lisa - Random thoughts and observations)

I didn’t think it could get worse! But, oh boy did it!!

So, about a month and a half ago, I entered the oh-so-wonderful world of online dating!  As I wrote in a post back then, I wasn’t too thrilled about re-entering this scene.  I had been there in the past, and wasn’t thrilled with the way it turned out.  And I find dating in general to be nerve wracking!  But, enter it, I did.  

Well, what was always an uncomfortable arena for me has now become a pure nightmare!! 

I’ve gotten a lot of “hits”, and even went out on a few dates.  No “love connections” with those guys, however.  But I was still hopeful to find the guy who would set my tummy to butterflies, who would also be a good guy, and would treated me nice.  The thing is, for the most part the majority of the guys that contact me aren’t even going to make it to the first date. 

I am still getting guys from as far away as the Middle East.  Nevermind that the first paragraph of my profile states very clearly that if you don’t live in the NYC area, I’m not going to be interested in making pen pals and won’t respond.  Part of me is tempted from time to time to reply to these long-distance guys contacting me from Austin, TX, Los Angeles, CA, or Tel Aviv, Israel, and say “Hey! Nice to meet you. What do you say we cut to the chase and meet tomorrow at 35^th and Lexington and grab a cup of coffee?”  But, I control my sarcasm and just delete the email.

I’m also still getting the REALLY young guys, who think that dating me will be “cool”, and that the fact that I’m more than twice their age is “no biggie”.  Thing is, I’m probably older than their Mom. And it is a biggie.  What would I have in common with a 23 year old??  I’m also still getting the 75 year olds, pretending to be 55.  My first thought with these guys is “Wow, if you’re 55, you are NOT aging well at all!!” 

But, the thing that is making this time around more of a horror to me is that I’m finding that a majority of the guys on the site are just looking for a quick hookup!  And they aren’t shy about it!  I mean, not shy AT ALL!!!  I had one guy start in on the second sentence with asking sex questions about my favorite position.  He actually hadn’t even asked my name yet!!  Insane!!!

I had started chatting with this one guy.  He seemed nice, and we even took the conversation offline into texting directly.  We were talking for about a week and had set up a date to go to dinner.  The night before our date, we were texting, setting the specifics of the date for the next night, as well as catching up on our week.  Then he asked me to send him a pic … of my boobs!!  I told him no, that I won’t do that. Guess what?  He cancelled the date!  Seriously?!?!  WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH THESE GUYS????

It makes me wonder, am I just too old for this? Is this the way of the dating world nowadays?  Part of me wants to just give up completely and be alone.  It’s got to be easier than dealing with this crap!  But another part of me truly believes that there has to be at least one truly good guy out there.  Who knows, maybe he and I have already started chatting.  Time will tell.  In the meantime, my “delete” button gets a lot of action.

Make New Friends, But Keep The Old

I’m not sure if you know that song.  “Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other gold.”  I’m also not sure if there’s more to it than that one verse, because that’s all I ever knew.  But it’s about old friends being the gold standard, but that you should also make new friends, because they’re pretty darn good too!

When we were kids, making friends was easy.  Well, somewhat easy.  Ok, maybe not that easy.  But at least the opportunities were more plentiful.  We had school, after-school activities, clubs, summer camps, and so on.  We had natural social activities that were meant for making friends.  So, while it can be scary to approach new people and make new friends, at least we had places that would allow us to do that.

As we get older, it gets more difficult to meet new people.  There aren’t as many naturally occurring “friend making” places for us.  Work, yeah, but sometimes it’s best to keep work and social life separate. And the ability to approach someone and simply say “Hi, my name is  ….” becomes more nerve-wracking.

After high school, and maybe even after college, we hopefully had our group of core friends to hang out with. So together, we would go out to clubs, and try to meet more people.  But did we really meet and make many lasting friendships out in clubs?  Probably not.  Or at least, not many.

And then, a lot of people that we were friends with when younger may have met their “significant others” in college or grad school or shortly thereafter.  So they went on to a different social arena.  The “couples” arena.  They may have hung out with us, their single friends, from time to time. But being a “couple” meant that the single friend was the “third wheel” and it became easier to hang out with other couples.  Then their kids came along and now the couples were “families” and they were spending most of their time juggling their kids’ social schedules.  So while they are still friends of our, they are more likely not the people we’ll spend most of our time with, if we’re still single.

So those of us who are still single find ourselves in a smaller universe.  At least it is smaller if we stuck just to our age bracket.  If we pushed the slider a bit in either direction, we could hang out with more people. That is, until they may enter the “couples” or “families” arenas.

But where do we go to meet others?  I am not really looking to go out clubbing.  It’s not that I don’t like to dance, but it hasn’t really changed from when I was younger and would go out clubbing. I wasn’t making new friends. If anything, I may meet some guy and maybe we’d exchange numbers and maybe we’d go out.  But I didn’t really make “friends” by going clubbing.

For me, thankfully, I found Meetup.com.  I have met so many people through that site who are new friends.  Good friends.  “Silver-on-the-way-to-becoming-gold” friends. People I love to spend time with!  These are friends of all nationalities, races, ages, religions.  What do we have in common (other than being members of Meetup)?  Well, we all probably want to make new friends.  Yes, we’re definitely keeping the old friends.  But we find new friends to spend time with, to experience new things with. 

I don’t think I’ll ever stop making new friends.  And my cache of “gold” friends keeps getting bigger!  So I’m getting “rich” with both silver and gold …. friends, that is.  Wouldn’t that be nice if it were also just plain old silver and gold?  But if I had a choice, I’d take the friends over the metals!  They are much more valuable!!

Just call me an Adrenaline Junky!!

I’ve always been a bit of an adrenaline junky!  As a kid I was very active and did lots of very physical types of activities.  I took gymnastics, starting at the age of 5.  I took all sorts of dance classes.  I was the one who liked to place the foam mattresses from our guest bed on the stairs to the basement, and slide down them, head first.  Horseback riding, with learning how to do jumps, was one of my favorite childhood activities (even when I would get thrown or go over a jump without the horse.  Even that one time that while going over a jump, my horse turned and I fell off WITH MY FOOT STILL STUCK IN THE STIRRUP!!   Having grown up in a neighborhood that had originally been an apple orchid, I would often be found up in a tree.  Climbing trees was always something I loved to do.  I would climb out onto a limb, and pick some of the apples.  I’d eat some and throw some down to my dog, who was waiting for her treat!  Skiing was something that in my family, we had no choice about.  My Dad was a National Ski Patrolman.  So we were up at the slopes most weekends when I was a kid.  Thing is, I hate the cold weather!!  REALLY hate it!  So while it was fun to go downhill, I really didn’t enjoy being cold!!

As I got older, I expanded to other activities.  In college I started the women’s Rugby team!  I love rugby!  It’s a very physically challenging sport.  Unfortunately, most of the women who initially signed up were not that thrilled with being incredibly sore, and having raspberry bruises all over!  So the team didn’t last very long! 

I was in the cycling club too.  Now, you may not think that’s very adrenaline inducing.  But when you are riding in traffic, it does get that way.  There were lots of  times that I had to quickly swerve to avoid getting hit, or to avoid a car door that quickly opened.  There was the one time I didn’t swerve fast enough out of the way of the car door.  Riding head first into an open car door is NOT fun!

But I have to say that the most adrenaline inducing activity that I ever took on was the flying trapeze!  I can still remember my first time up on the rig.  I was in Turks and Caicos.  It was a GORGEOUS setting for flying!  The ocean, the beach, the trees and the beautifully painted buildings.  I climbed the VERY high ladder, and crossed over the open space to the platform.  Once up there, I felt my legs shaking.  I was a bit surprised, because I didn’t really think that I was nervous.  I waited for the person in front of me to finally hop off to do her turn.  It took a while, because she was REALLY nervous.  And as soon as she left, I realized that it hadn’t been my legs that were shaking, it was her!  She was shaking so badly, that she shook the entire platform, and me on it!  So it was my turn to get hooked up in the safety lines, and hop off the platform into thin air! 

And once I did, there was no turning back!  I was hooked!  I returned to the resort 2 more times in the next 4 months, with the sole purpose to do more flying trapeze!  Then FINALLY, a trapeze school opened in New York City!! I spent a boatload of money taking classes!  But I was having the best time!!  Even with the extremely sore muscles (which I actually like.  I know, I’m a weirdo!) and the ripped skin on my hands (that I didn’t like so much!!  Especially when it came time to shower or wash my hair!!)  There are now several flying trapeze schools in the NYC area.  

During the years after I started flying trapeze, I spent the majority of my time either up in the air, preparing to go up in the air, or talking with my fellow flyer friends about being up in the air!!

Unfortunately, a few years back, I had an accident and ended up having to have 2 surgeries and went through 9 months of physical therapy.  Yes, it was a flying trapeze accident.  All I’m going to say about that is … if you’re not being paid to fly in a circus, and if you cannot tell if the timing is off, then NEVER take off the safety lines!  With the safety lines, flying trapeze is not really that dangerous!  (well, except to the skin on your hands!)   

Have I been back to flying trapeze?  Yes.  But now, the shaking on the platform may actually come from me.  Where I never had fear before, I now do get somewhat nervous.  But will that completely stop me?  Oh hell no!!  But I’m definitely not a regular at the rig, like I once was.  And yes, that is a bit sad.

This past Friday, I tried laser tag for the first time!  O … M … G!!!  So much fun!!!  Adrenaline pumped!  I got lots of exercise (yes, I’m one of those weirdos who likes to exercise!) and my thighs are screaming at me today!  And I was actually really good!  Like, REALLY good!  Being short was definitely an advantage in this game!  The only thing that would have made it better … if we could have climbed up on things!! 

So, if there’s ever a faction choosing ceremony that I have to go through, be assured, my blood will be dripped onto burning coals!

*for those who never read or saw the Divergent series, the last sentence refers to choosing to join the group known for being brave