Saturday, April 22, 2017

How full is your glass?

On my way in from walking the dog the other day, a neighbor asked how it was outside, weather-wise. I told her that it was really warm. So much so, that I didn't need my coat and I was going to switch to something lighter. Her response was to complain that all this up and down in the temperature was going to get everyone sick. 

Ok, let’s completely set aside science and ignore the facts … GERMS are what get people sick, not changes in the weather!  But what struck me the most about her statement was how she took something that should be seen as a positive ... having a day in early spring where it’s a lot warmer than it should be … and turned it into a negative. 

It got me thinking ... why do people do this? Why do they see the glass as half empty? 

I definitely think that some people are more positive, and as a result, happier than others. But is it innate?  Or is it something that is learned?  Is it human nature to look at things and see negatives? Maybe it’s a defense mechanism. Or is it possible that this negativity gets instilled in us over time, through experience?

Why do some people always see the negatives where others see positives?

We all know that one person, the Debby or Donnie Downer, who always has a complaint, no matter what they are talking about.  At first we feel bad for them, but over time, we come to realize that it’s just that they are only seeing the negatives, so they only attract the negatives!

Can these people be helped?  Can they stop this constant “glass half empty” way of thinking?  Norman Peale, the author of the best seller, The Power of Positive Thinking, thought that this was possible.  And so did the over 5 million people who bought his book, since it was published back in the early 1950s!  However, shortly after the book came out, many in the mental health industry lambasted Peale as a fraud, claiming that the book was hard to substantiate, his methods were questionable and that the quotes/testimonials were just made up. How funny is it that a book about being more positive elicits so many negatives!

Honestly, I’ve never read the book.  So I can’t comment on whether these critics are correct or not.  I just find it humorous that there’s such a diametric difference between the concept of the book and how professionals viewed it.

But I have to say that in my own experience, if I take any given situation, and I try to only look at the positive aspects of it, the situation usually will, at the very least, not get any worse.  Yes, I have gone to the negative side at times.  Like when my half hour commute takes over four times that long to actually get to where I’m going (yes, that happened yesterday, in fact).  It was frustrating, because I had a conference call and had to get off the train and take the call from the subway platform.  But I could look on the brighter side … I didn’t have to be outside in the rain … before and after the call I got to listen to more music and play more games on my phone than I normally would on my commute … I wasn’t the only one with this commuting issue … and at least I now have a job to commute to in the first place!

I truly believe that everyone, even your most sourpuss friend (or you, if you’re that sourpuss friend) can be more positive.  It just takes practice!  Every situation can be viewed from both sides of a coin.  You just have to look for the side that is positive. If this isn’t easy for you, sit down with a piece of paper, draw a line down the center, and write POSITIVES on one side and negatives on the other side at the top of the page. Yes, POSITIVES is in all caps, while negatives are all lowercase, because we want to focus on the POSITIVES!  Write down all the negatives first. Then put down all the POSITIVES.  Do it in this order so you are ending with POSITIVES!  If possible, come up with more POSITIVES than negatives.  Once you’re done, tear the paper in half.  Go ahead and rip, shred or burn (carefully, in a controlled way so as not to set everything on fire) the negative side.  Then re-read the POSITIVES once again!


Over time, you won’t have to do this physical exercise of writing things down.  You’ll automatically start thinking of the POSITIVES.  And I promise, you will be happier, and things in your life will be brighter and more positive in general!  This is my own “power of positive thinking” formula for you!  

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