Act your age, not your shoe size!

When I was a kid I always found it funny when other kids would use that taunt with me.  Acting my shoe size when I was around 10 years old wasn’t really an insult.  See, I have REALLY small feet, and back then, my shoe size was a 13 (little kids size).  Back then, someone saying to me, “Act your age, not your shoe size!” meant I was acting 13 years old!  Older than I actually was.

But now that I am older, even though my shoe size is still rather small (just barely adult size), I wonder what it means to “act your age”?  Is there a specific way that I’m supposed to act now?  Are there things that I’m not allowed to do now that I’m older?  What would happen if I do something that only a 30 year old is “allowed” to do?  Or something only allowed when you’re in your 20s?  Do the “age appropriate police” come by and give me a summons?  Do I get charged as an “adult” in “younger adult” court?  Is there a list out there somewhere that would tell me what I should or should not be doing at a particular age? 

At this point in my life, I have friends of all ages.  Well, not kids or teens.   But I have friends in their 20’s, 30s, 40, and on up.  We all seem to have enough in common to have a good time and enjoy hanging out.  I think the saying “age is just a number” may be correct.  I don’t think it’s necessarily someone’s age that will define the things they like to do or how mature they act.  I know plenty of people my age or older who are extremely immature!  And I know some people much younger than I am who are already acting like old fuddy-duddies!  For the most part, I think people act like an average of all ages!

With me personally, even when I was younger, I wasn’t the type that wanted to just go to a crowded bar to “hang out”, standing around with a drink in your hand, waiting for some guy to come talk to you.  Maybe because I’m short and being in a crowded bar, all I’m seeing are people’s armpits!  But make that a dance club and I was there!  I still would be there.  I love to dance!!  Get the music playing, and I’m gonna be shaking my boo-tay!

When I was younger, I loved doing things that gave me an adrenaline rush!  Roller coasters, flying trapeze, riding on motorcycles and even planning to go sky diving one day.  Then, back in 2009 I had a little accident and a large injury.  I went through 2 surgeries and almost 9 months of physical therapy!  And it definitely has had an effect on my ability to do certain physical things to this day.  Not that I let that stop me.  But it also had an influence on my feelings about doing things that are a bit risky.  But that has nothing to do with my age.  That only happened after the injury.  

Now I don’t think I’ll ever jump out of a plane (unless it’s going down, and I am forced to eject).  Yet, I still LOVE roller coasters and other adrenaline inducing things.  I don’t think that will ever change.  Not even when I’m 95!  But now, I do get a bit more nervous about doing these things. Not that it stops me, it’s just now it makes me think first … and then I do it anyway!

So, what does “acting my age” look like?  What is it that I’m supposed to be doing or not be doing now that I am older?  If I start to “act my age”, won’t that just make me age more quickly?  Because we are all getting older.  We have no control over that, and the alternative sucks. But does that mean we need to get older in all ways?  Do we need to act older?  

If that's what it means, then I may just have to break the rules!  Because I don’t feel the age I am now and I sure as shineola won’t be acting the way people expect someone my age to act!  But, I probably won’t be acting my shoe size either! 

When does dating get easier?!?!

Dating!  I hated it when I was younger.  Hate it still!  I’ve seriously never really LIKED to date.  I find it exciting in the beginning, but at the same time, very uncomfortable.  I’d much rather be seeing just one person!  But of course, you must date first to get to that point.  Or at least that’s how it works most of the time. 

The first few dates with someone new always feel like interviews to me.  You are trying to be on your best behavior, tell only the most flattering things about yourself, and you make that extra effort to look AMAZING, from your outfit to your hair to your makeup. 

Then when you have a few dates with one person, you start to relax a bit.  I personally still like to make sure I look good, but after a few dates, I’ll start to let them see more of my vulnerabilities.  Let them get to know the deeper things about me.  Hopefully they do the same.  Although, I have dated some guys who are … hmm, how should I put this … almost downright secretive.  It can almost seem like I’m dating someone who is in a witness protection program, where I can know NOTHING about their life when they aren’t with me.  It really only makes me wonder what is not being said, what is so horrible that I can’t know more about them?  What are they hiding?!?!  And then, when the dating/seeing each other comes to an end, I usually feel that I never really knew them at all.  And yes, it does eventually end, because how can you develop any kind of relationship of any depth with someone who won’t let you in, and makes sure that you never feel like you are really a part of their life in any significant way.

I’ve done the online dating thing.  I have a ton of funny (and yet, not so funny) stories from that!  Like the guy who in the first few emails back and forth started to “yell” at me for not sharing his political views.  You can probably guess, that never ended up being an actual date.  Or the guy that peeled away from my curb before I had even gotten 2 feet away.  I mean, really?  At least watch that I get inside, if you’re not willing to walk me to the door.  Or the guy who, after I told him that I don’t really feel a “romantic” kind of connection to him, asked if I could set him up with my sister (who he hadn’t even seen, but only knew I had because he asked about siblings on our one date)

Also, with online dating, I usually get either guys that are VERY young, looking for that “cougar” relationship or quick hookup, or I get the guy who claims he’s 55, but looks closer to 75. So there’s a lot more of “um, no thanks”, than there are actual dates.

I’ve been set up on dates with guys through friends.  Sometimes I wonder after those experiences … “Really?  Is that what my friend thinks of me?”  Don’t get me wrong, I have been set up with some very nice guys too.  The last set-up I had, the guy was very nice, but I just didn’t feel that romantic type of connection.  Too bad, because he was a nice guy.

I’ve also gone the route of deciding to be alone for a while.  Just hang out with my friends and focus on me and what is going on in my life.  And while that is definitely needed at times, it does get lonely.  And honestly, after a while of being alone, it’s kind of difficult to get back out there. 

I was recently seeing someone, but unfortunately, that’s ended.  So now I need to decide, do I re-activate my OKCupid account?  Ask my friends if they know any nice, single guys.  Or do I just go solo for now?  Hmm, decisions, decisions.  Why doesn’t this get any easier as we get older?!? 

Sleep like a baby!

We’ve either heard or said that line in one form or another at some point in our lives.  “I slept like a baby last night.”  “After all this fresh air, I’m gonna sleep like a baby!”  “Don’t wake him, he’s sleeping like a baby!” But if you really think about it, that line is completely wrong!  Babies don’t sleep well. They are up every couple of hours to either eat, pee or poop!  Have you ever heard of a baby getting eight straight hours of sleep without waking?  So, sleeping like a baby should mean that you aren’t getting a good night’s sleep.

Unfortunately, as I get older I actually do sleep like a baby!  No, I don’t wake up every 2 hours to have a bottle of formula.  But I do get up to use the restroom at least once during the night!  I’ve even try to not have any liquids past a certain point in the evening, but I still get up!  And I end up feeling dehydrated by morning.  

I’ve tried to ignore the "need", and sleep (or go back to sleep) through it.  But it only works for a short time.  And if it does work and I do sleep through it, I end up waking up about an hour before I actually need to get up.  Going back to sleep at that point is hard, if not impossible. Plus, if I do manage to fall back to sleep, I end up waking up even more tired at the alarm.

I also don’t sleep as soundly as I’m getting older.  Babies actually can do this. They can sleep through all sorts of noises.  Not me!  Someone slams a door down the hall, I’m up.  A car alarm goes off outside, Hello middle of the night!  The woman upstairs decides to have a romantic evening … well, that’s the worst!  I mean, who wants to be woken by that type noise without it being you who is getting the benefits?!  It actually got so bad with her “noises” that the Board of the Cooperative I live in forced her to get wall-to-wall carpeting.  It helps … a little.  What helps more is when she doesn’t have a boyfriend!

I’ve tried earplugs.  They help, but not enough.  If the noises are loud enough, they get through.  And it's a strange feeling to sleep with them.

I’ve tried the sound machines.  They actually only keep me awake. (see above re: not being able to sleep through noises)  And the ones that sound like ocean waves or babbling brooks … well, we’re back to the whole needing to use the restroom issue!

I know from my parents telling me, that this “waking up at night” thing only gets worse the older we get.  And while I don’t feel (or act) my current age most of the time, it seems that I have no power to stop this part of getting older.  I guess I can’t complain, since I’ve managed to keep myself from “getting older” in most other ways.

So I think people should stop saying that they slept like a baby.  I think people should actually say “I slept like a teenager last night!”  Now, THEY know how to sleep!!

Keep on Hoarding in the Real World

We’ve all seen the shows about people who are hoarders. Big Edie and Little Edie.  The news story about the guy who was found dead, buried under 10+ years of old newspapers. We shake our heads and wonder how anyone could let things get that bad. How can they live like that, with only a tiny path to move from room to room, no place to sit, no place to breathe.

But they didn’t start out like that.  This is not a problem that happens overnight.  It is years in development.  Which, in a way, is a very scary thought! It could potentially happen to any of us!  And in this modern age, it’s actually even easier! 

I don’t even need to leave my bed to order a buttload of stuff off the internet!  Amazon Prime, Overstock (as in “stock my place until it’s OVERflowing”), Ebay, and basically every other retailer now has an online version where you can shop!  Convenient, yes.  Dangerous … well, also, yes!

I am definitely a culprit of this online addiction of purchasing!!  I now make most of my purchases online.  Everything from electronics to cat litter!  And I’m not the only one.  The package room in my building is brimming on a daily basis!

But do I really NEED it all?  Absolutely not!  I mean, yes, I do need to buy cat litter, and food for the fur babies, and it is definitely much more convenient to do it online, so I’m sure that will never change for me.  But do I need that golden Buddha head statue?  Do I need yet another pair of sneakers? How many t-shirts is enough?

And yet, this new trend (actually, I’m not sure if it’s “new”, but it’s newly popular in the media) of minimalism that is coming out of Japan is an interesting polar opposite to what is happening in the Western world!  I don’t know if I could live with such minimalism myself.  I do want more than 1 plate, 1 spoon, 1 fork, 1 knife, and only 2 pairs of pants and a couple of shirts.  But, it does make one (that “one” being me) think about just how much I already have, and that I really don’t NEED.

Every few months, I do go through my clothes and fill up a bag (or 7) to give to donation.  And it’s a struggle.  I may not have worn something in the last few weeks or even months, but I get nervous that I will need it the day after I give it away!  That, my blog-reading friends, is the real problem!  This attachment to “STUFF”. 

So what do I do about this?  I have to psych myself up to be brutal and get rid of things.  Set myself a goal.  (maybe create a list??) Fill up at least 3 bags of clothing and get rid of at least a box filled with tchotchkes. And then maybe change the password to my Amazon Prime account and not write it down?!  Oh wait, I still need that kitty litter!  Darn it!  Foiled before I even begin!  The frustration of it!  Maybe some shoe shopping therapy will help?!

“On the road again” or “There's no place like home”

I'm writing this entry from Florence, Italy, even though it will be posted once I'm back home. I love to travel, to see other places, learn the history and culture. I also am a big fan of the resort type travel as well (scuba vacations are always fun!) But traveling definitely has its ups and downs.

The positives, in addition to other cultures and places is the new experiences, tasting new foods (or at least more authentic than you can get back home), meeting new people. And of course, not having to be at work! Unless you happen to write a travel blog or something similar. Traveling for work is definitely not the same!

But, there are definitely the downsides to travel, even if it is for enjoyment.

Not speaking the language can be daunting, frustrating, and can even be scary at times. This trip hasn’t been too bad. Most people speak at least a tiny bit of English.  There was only one time where one of my travel companions was “chased” by some angry lady at an open market stall for not stopping to look at her stuff.  When I said “No Italian”, she gave me a gesture that could only mean that she wasn’t too pleased, rattled off some more Italian, and finally went back to her stall. I don’t think anyone ever taught this woman that being nasty isn’t going to earn you a sale.

Sleeping in a bed that isn't your bed can also be hard to get used to. While the bed on this trip is comfortable enough, it isn’t as good as mine at home, and their pillows SUCK!! I mean, REALLY SUCK!!!  I love my bed at home!  It is super firm, and my pillows are the perfect thickness and weight! I could spend all day cuddled up in my bed! I don’t (unless I’m sick), but I could and it would be so comfy!

And there are the new noises to get used to. On this trip it’s been the 5 a.m. wake up from the garbage being collected (also known as the TONS of wine bottles the restaurant downstairs had served the day before being tossed noisily into a metal truck) and the shops opening their metal pulldown gates to get ready for their new work day. And did you know that Italy has SOOOOO many churches!  The church bells can be heard for quite a distance!! 

Plus, Italy is HOT during the summer.  I mean REALLY HOT.  And humid!  And, Italians don’t seem to be big fans of air conditioning!  Put the two together, and well, yeah, not pleasant! I know, the environment, greenhouse gasses and all that. But when you are literally melting away (yes, literally, as the sweat drips off me!) you really aren’t as concerned about that.

But, the hardest part of traveling can be the having to be 24/7 with your travel companions!  I do love the people I am traveled with, so don’t get me wrong. But in the normal course of my days back home, we’re not together ALL THE TIME!! Not everyone wants to do the same thing as others. Nobody is going to be in a great mood all the time. And everyone needs a little time alone now and then.  But I think we’re doing pretty good, considering the amount of time together!

This trip is definitely a LOT better than a trip I took with a friend a few years ago!  By the end of the trip, we weren’t talking, and weren’t friends anymore!  But from the way she was on the trip, I think the friendship would have been doomed eventually anyway.  Because you can’t hide that level of crazy for too long!!

I’m happy that I am experiencing Italy, and all the things I’ve seen, done, tasted, heard! We are fitting a ton of things into the little time I have here.  But I am also looking forward to heading home!  To see my fur babies! To sleep in my own bed!  To have air conditioning!!

Just not looking forward to having to go back to work!  Hmmm, travel blogs?!?!

When did “9 to 5” become “24/7”?

So, being old enough to be an AARP member, I’ve been in the work world for quite a while.  I started working part time back in high school.  I actually worked at a mini-factory of sorts, making quiches. Not a bad gig, actually.  It did have its down sides, as every job does.  Like when you were assigned the job of processing the huge block of cheese into grated cheese, and you’d break out in hives from the fumes.  But it had its up sides too.  Like getting to take home the ones that came out of the oven with cracked crusts!

But one thing I’ve noticed over the years … what used to be thought of as the “9 to 5” world has now become a “24/7” thing.  And it is NOT a good change!

Back when I first became a paralegal, I worked at a law firm.  Law firms are notorious for having their employees work a TON of hours.  It’s all about the billable.  I would regularly work late.  And I’m not talking 7 or 8 at night, I’m talking 10 or 11 at night.  At times I’d be there would be even later.  And on a rare occasion, I’d never get home.  I had a change of clothes in my office and a sleeping bag stored under my desk for times when I would have to pull an all-nighter, catching a half an hour or so of sleep before starting the next full day.

When I was ready to leave the law firm for an in-house position, I sat down with one of the partners I worked with on a consistent basis.  He didn’t want me to leave and offered to have the law firm pay for me to go to law school.  I was honored that he thought enough of me to make that offer.  But I turned him down. I didn’t want this kind of life.  I want quality of life.  I wanted to earn enough to pay my bills and save for vacations and retirement.  I didn’t need to live in the style of what is commonly thought of as being “rich”, because to me being rich is having a family who loves me, good friends who are like family, and the time to enjoy the things life has to offer.

After the law firm, I worked at jobs that were more reasonable in their hour requirements.  But now, in the past 10-15 years or so, it’s gotten to the point that even the “in-house” hours are getting longer. I know there are certain industries where this is always going to be the case.  But now more companies want to have more done, by less people.  They want everyone on a blackberry or smartphone, connected all the time to the office. 

Taking the weekend, or a vacation, completely away from work related interruptions is practically unheard of!  Weekends and vacations were traditionally meant to let a person recharge their batteries, so they can come back to the office better prepared to tackle the work on their plate.  How is not getting this “off” time having an effect on us?  There is no rest, there is no recharging.  So are we really as productive in the hours we are working?  Now they have desks that you can raise up so you can stand for part of your day, to reduce the risk of stroke.  Seriously?  We have become so glued to our desks that we are risking our very health!

The United States ranks VERY low on the scale of countries that are best for a work-life balance.  It’s not even in the top 10 of the best countries for a good work-life balance. Heck, it’s not even in the top 25! And it’s worse in the metropolitan areas of the country.  These are the areas where leisurely walking down the street will annoy others around you (um, New York, I’m talking about you!) Everyone is rushing around to get more done in less time.  Because we spend so much of our time at work.  Why do we feel that we need to live to work, rather than work to live? 

There are still places in the world where you can have a good quality of life, be able to pay your bills, enjoy life, and not need to work endless hours!  In my searching for how bad the US is on the scale, I saw a number of countries that are much better!  I seriously need to consider moving to Denmark!  At least until that country decides to turn “9 to 5” into “24/7”.

My kids have 4 legs and fur.

My friends post on Facebook about their kids and the accomplishments they are making. I cheer right along with them!  I know how proud my friends are, and I’m happy for them when their kid wins a big game, or an award, or even if it’s not something big, but just that they are having fun and being a kid.

I also have several friends who have decided to have children later in life. Some have even decided to take on this amazing journey as single parents!  I'm in total awe! Raising kids with a partner is difficult enough. But by yourself ... well, I can't even imagine. My friends who have chosen to do this alone are so brave, strong, and inspiring!

Children definitely bring much joy to their parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and on and on. But having kids is also a lot of work, a bunch of frustration and a ton of worry! We’re lucky that the good outweighs the “not as good”, or our species would have died out long ago!

When I was a kid, I had my baby dolls and would pretend to play Mommy. I would dress them up, pretend to feed them, change diapers (that were thankfully not like the real thing!!), and do all the things I thought a Mommy would do. 

As a teenager, I babysat for a family. First for their little girl, and then after their second child was 5 months old, for both kids. I loved it!

As a young adult in college, I still got to be around kids. My major was Special Education/Elementary Education. I did my student teaching and loved working with the kids, watching them learn. It was challenging, but also rewarding! 

So, with all these positive points about kids, you may ask if I have kids? Yes! Only, mine have 4 legs and fur.

Sometimes I do feel that I missed out. That I let something that could have been a wonderful part of my life slip past me. But I’m not as brave and strong as some of my friends, and I wouldn’t be able to do it on my own.

And part of me is selfish. I like being able to sleep later on the weekends. I get to do things that I want to do. If I want to have a bag of microwave popcorn for dinner, I totally can do that!  Not the best thing for me, but at least social services won’t be knocking on my door saying I’m neglecting myself! 

And, let’s not get into the expense of having kids!  Seriously, it’s crazy!!  If I had kids, I definitely would not be able to take as many vacations (or plan them for what I want to do and not what is necessarily "kid friendly"), or get that new cool electronic thing-a-ma-bob that I don’t need, but really want! Retirement savings would have had to be split with college savings accounts. 

I do have a lot of friends who have chosen to remain childless.  Single friends and couples.  So, nowadays, not having kids isn’t as big a deal. And we have each other to hang out with and do "adult" things (or not so "adult" things) Now that I think about it, most of these friends have kids that are like mine.  With 4 legs and fur!

Could I still have a kid? Yeah, sure. I definitely I could. If my friends are doing it now, I totally could! Would I be brave enough to do it by myself.  Absolutely … not!  So, for now at least, I’ll live vicariously through the posts on Facebook.  But first, I have to go walk my eldest “child” before she poops on the rug.

Perspective is Everything!

A Facebook friend recently posted a very interesting video. A former CIA officer was talking about how everyone thinks that they’re the good guys. How the U.S. thinks ISIS and Al Qaeda are the "bad guys", but from the perspective of ISIS and Al Qaeda, we (the US) are the bad guys.  We believe we are trying to save our fellow man from people who want to oppress them, enslave them, rape them, kill them.  They believe we are invaders who are trying to force them to accept our way of life, our way of thinking.  I don’t know if I agree with everything she said in the video.  But it did make me think about how we each perceive things.

Watching the video brought to mind The Walking Dead. Yes, the TV show. One that I happen to be completely obsessed with!! So it’s no surprise that pretty much anything I see or hear could potentially make me think of TWD! (For those who are TWD fans, but aren't up to date, stop reading now, because there will be spoilers ahead. For those who don't watch the show ... Seriously???? How can you have not watched a single episode of the best show ever on television??? Go to Netflix right this instant and start catching up!!) But I digress ...

So, at the end of the most current season of TWD, we were introduced to a new character. An EVIL bad guy named Negan. Our group (because we, as fans, are an extension of the characters on TV) really didn’t know much about Negan and his group (called the Saviors). There was no real "meeting of the minds" between the two groups. Well, except for a brief “meeting”, where some Saviors ambushed some of our group and were going to kill one of our group. But aside from that one negative encounter, we didn’t know what they thought, or what they wanted.

Our group also spoke with a 3rd group, who claimed that Negan and the Saviors were bad news. Well, that was good enough for us! We needed to hear no more!  So what did we do? We went on the offensive and murdered a bunch of the Saviors … IN THEIR SLEEP!! (btw, the word savior is synonymous with redeemer, protector, deliverer … so …hmmm … pause for thought …. Ok, enough of that.  Back to the blog.)

Now, from our perspective, Negan and his group are EVIL!! We had every right to take precautions and (offensively) protect ourselves. But if you look at it from the point of view of the Saviors, they just got attacked, for no reason that they were aware of, while they were SLEEPING!  So to them, aren’t we the evil ones?

Of these two examples I’ve given (the Facebook video and TWD story line), one is an extreme, politically charged situation and the other is fictions, but also extreme. However, we can just as easily adjust the story keeping the same basic concept for everyday life ... perspective is everything!

How many times have you gotten into a fight with a friend or family member, and it’s all because you each saw the same situation in completely differing views? We've all heard "There are 3 sides to every story.  One person's side, the other person's side, and the truth somewhere in between. They say there really is no black and white. It's all varying shades of gray. First of all, who is this “they” that everyone always talks about?  But more importantly, is that really true?  Is everything a shade of gray?

Personally, I believe that there is definitely black and white, right and wrong, good and evil. But this is mainly true on an individual, personal level. I know what I consider right, how I judge myself to be good, how I want to live my life. And I tend to think that what I do, the choices I make are the right ones. The best ones.

But are they? Would someone else consider my choices right or wrong?  Good or evil?  Is what’s right for me the best thing, the right thing for someone else?

As I get older, I realize that not everyone is going to see things the same way that I do, and that I have to have an open mind.  But, also, as I get older, I get more set in my ways, and it’s hard to always see other perspectives as being valid.  So it’s really a tug of war! And one I do struggle with from time to time.

But while difficult, the thing is, the very least we can do is to listen to each other.  And I mean to actually really hear what each other is saying.  No putting up defensive walls, no thinking we know what the other is saying based on our own preconceptions. Just truly hear each other!

Look, we may not solve the world’s problems, end war, or stamp out oppression.  But we can at least start by listening to each other!

*Btw, for any of you who are TWD fans, we have quite a while before we find out who Negan actually killed at the end of season 6.  I’m pretty sure that my theory is the right one.  So if you want to discuss your theories, I’m all ears!!  Although, I may not think you’re right!  ;-)

Lists, lists and more lists!

I’m the Queen of Lists!  No, that’s not like the Queen of Diamonds, who will beat you if she’s able.  Nor the Queen of Hearts, who’s always your best bet.  Well, actually, I beg to differ on that last one.  Being the Queen of Lists may just actually be the best bet!!  (Or King of Lists, if that’s your current gender identification)

I write lists for EVERYTHING!  What to pack when going on vacation, what to buy at the supermarket, what projects I have to complete at work, what songs to sing a karaoke, and so on. 

Heck, I even have a list of blog ideas!

But I think I may have gone a little overboard, because now I write lists of my list items.  If “clean” is on my “TO DO” list, I will create a separate list that breaks down the cleaning list!  Instead of just clean, I now create a list to break it down into subsections, each room getting a list of what has to be done in there. 

I also have my “Monday through Friday – after work” list, which is different from the “TO DO” list, although there is some overlap.  The “Monday through Friday – after work” list is a list of just one thing that I need to do each day.  I definitely have more than one thing to do each evening, but if I can at least get just ONE of the items listed on my other lists done, I will feel that I have accomplished something.  And I make sure to change it every week to keep it from getting monotonous.  So it’s not like Monday is always vacuum the living room night and Tuesday is not always  the  night to change the litterbox. 

I keep these lists on the memo app on my phone.  But, as much as it pains me to admit this, I also sometimes put a reminder on my calendar to check the list.  I mean, I really don’t want to forget to put a new metrocard into my wallet so I’m not stranded on the way to work the next day.  So, instead of just relying on the list, I add that second layer of reminder if it’s something that’s really important.

To be honest, I don’t always finish everything on the lists.  And don’t tell anyone, but there are times that not even that one item on the “Monday through Friday – after work” list gets done.  Life happens.  It’s not like the world will end if I don’t clean the microwave on a particular Wednesday or the toilet bowl on any given Thursday.  But if I didn’t have these lists, I’m not sure if ANYTHING would get done!

Funny thing though, I don’t have a bucket list.  My lists are more for staying organized, not for things I'd like to do before I die.  And I have done so many things in my life already that most people would say are “bucket worthy”.  So I don’t think I need a list for that.  …. Or do I???

I wonder if there’s a support group out there for list makers?  Maybe I should look that up on Google and create a list of the ones in my area.  And I could create a list of my lists to show them that I have a list making problem.

Hi, my name Lisa, and I’m a list maker. (now you all say “Hi Lisa!” in a supportive tone!)

Nice guys don’t always finish last!!

I was once told “You’re too nice!” by a coworker. And it was not meant as a compliment!  What was I being “too nice” about, you ask? I’d gotten a voicemail message meant for someone else. I’m not even sure if the caller had reached the correct company. But she needed to confirm a sales order. So I called her back to let her know that she hadn’t reached “Jacqueline”. The call back took all of 2 minutes of my time, didn’t require much effort and helped the woman out. I still don’t get how that’s being “too nice”? But my co-worker said that she would have just deleted the voicemail. She wouldn’t be “so nice”.  I really don’t think that particular scenario showed me to be too nice. It showed that my coworker was, plain and simple, a mean person!

I do try to be nice as much as I can. (yes, there are times I’m in a grumpy mood, or when I can get annoyed with other people) But overall, I do try to treat people nicely. I just think it’s the right thing to do.  When I walk up to a salesperson or a cashier or someone working at a store where I’m shopping, I always say hello, good morning or ask how they are doing. Why? Because it’s nice to acknowledge that they are more than just someone there to “serve” me.  I do get thrown off a bit when the reaction is somewhat hostile, with a stone-face or that look that say “Why the hell are you trying to be nice to me?” But usually, the result is a smile back, some pleasantries, and I may even get better service.  Or, at the very least, I get to feel good for having treated another human being with respect and kindness.  Even to those who don’t respond in a positive way.  Maybe they’re having a hard day and I hopefully made it a tiny bit nicer (or at least no worse).

I also really try my hardest to not walk around with “Resting Bitch-Face”. I’m amazed as I people-watch while I’m out and about, just how many people out there have RBF.  At least in NYC, I’ve noticed that. We’ve all heard that it takes more muscles to frown than to smile, so smiling should be easier. But even if that is just an old wives tale, I’d much prefer the smile creases around my eyes than the two frown lines between them!

The other day as I was walking to work, a gentleman walked out of the local coffee shop. He hadn’t held the door open for the young lady carrying a tray filled with coffees who was exiting behind him. As soon as he realized what he had done (or actually, not done) he quickly turned and went back to hold the door, apologizing profusely, saying that his Mother didn’t raise him to be the type of man who doesn’t hold doors for others. He was so upset with himself.  A block later, as we waited next to each other for the light to change so we could cross the street, I could tell he was still disappointed in himself for not acting like his mother had raised him to act.

It made me wonder, what mother DOES raise their child to be rude and inconsiderate? Really, are there any Moms out there that would take pride in raising a self-absorbed, chip on their shoulders, rude person? And yet, there are so many people in the world walking around with such negative attitudes toward each other, itching for an argument, or getting offended by every little thing.

We’re not born to be nice or to be mean.  It’s not in our DNA.  Being nice or being mean … they are each a choice we get to make.  For me personally, the RIGHT choice is to try to be nice! Even if others may think I’ll finish last!