A Perfect 10!!

Look through any magazine or online advertisement, and you will see GORGEOUS people with PERFECT bodies.  Or should I say that what you’ll see is what the advertising world would like us to believe is “perfect”.  There is no such thing as “perfect” and there is no one look that will appeal to all people.  Some people are attracted to those who are tall, others to shorter people (like me … short, that is … I’m short!)  Some like those who are thin, others like athletic, and still others find people are bigger to be sexy.  Straight hair, curly, wavy or even bald.  Light skin, dark skin, caramel or freckled. Blonde, brunette, redhead, purple, pink, blue, green, etc., etc., etc.  Like they say, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Saying one is better than the other is a complete travesty.  Being a specific body type isn’t what’s important.  But, staying healthy, well, that’s important for everyone, no matter what body type floats your boat. 

Unfortunately, staying in shape and staying healthy is not so easy to achieve.  It takes work.  Hard work!  And human nature is for us to gravitate towards the easy, towards the lazy.

Actually, I’m one of those strange creatures who likes to work out.  That is, once I’m actually doing it. See, even for me, I gravitate towards the lazy if I’m not actually doing the exercise.  If I’m sitting on my comfy couch, watching some stupid television show and noshing on something yummy, it can be rather difficult to make myself get up and do some exercises.  Even harder if I have to actually get into exercise clothing and walk to the gym!

So how can I get myself motivated?  Well, looking in the mirror and focusing on the jiggly parts could help.  But while that may make me healthy in my body, it’s not really healthy for my soul.  I mean, let’s be honest, we ALL have jiggly parts.  Ok, maybe not someone who enters body building competitions, but they still have parts that they want to improve.  So focusing on the negatives about ourselves is not the answer. We should all want to improve (physically, mentally and emotionally), but berating ourselves isn’t a healthy way to go about it.

Looking through those magazines or online at photos of people in shape isn’t a way to go about it either.  I mean, first of all, those photos are touched up.  Sometimes A LOT! But even if they were realistic (ha!!), just because you see someone with fantastic abs, or really nicely sculpted arms, it doesn’t mean that you will look like that, no matter how much you exercise.  We all are born with different body types, and just because we want to look a certain way doesn’t necessarily mean we’ll get there.  At least not without some plastic surgery, and that’s not what I’m suggesting here!

For me, I am never going to be able to sing Meghan Trainor’s “All About That Bass” song and have anyone believe the lyrics are about me!  I definitely have “white girl butt” syndrome!  I do squats, bridges, lunges and all the other exercises that are supposed to plump up your derriere.  But my butt never gets much bigger than it currently is.  And oh how I wish I had a bubble butt!! But sadly, that just won’t ever be the case. 

So rather than focusing on achieving a body shape that would be worthy of a Sports Illustrated cover, I think people need to focus more on making themselves healthy!  Focus on doing things that will make your heart stronger, and you bones less frail as you age.  Get yourself moving a bit more, and sitting around doing nothing a bit less.  Eat a bit more of the healthy stuff and stay away from the crap a bit more. And do it starting right now!!  Because the younger you start this, the more it will become a part of who you are, and the less difficult it will be to accomplish or to keep up as you get older!

That doesn’t mean that we should all spend a ton of cash and buy expensive gym memberships.  Just focus on doing a few things differently.  Like, maybe get off the subway one stop early and walk the extra few blocks on a nice sunny day.  Take the stairs, instead of the elevator (especially if you only have a couple of flights to go up or down.)  Or just turn on some fun, energetic music and dance your tush off!  If it’s a nice evening, take a short stroll around the neighborhood after dinner to work off the calories.  And instead of grabbing that bag a chips, grab some nuts instead.  Boring?  How about sprinkling them with a bit of seasoning?

Do these things, and no matter your body type, you’ll have a body that appreciates all you are doing to keep it healthy!!

Liar Liar, Pants on Fire!`

Everyone lies!  EVERYONE!  Whether it is little white lies, like “Of course I like your new haircut!” or “No, you don’t look slutty in that outfit” … to the BIG doozies of lies, like when someone gets caught cheating in a relationship.  It’s become so pervasive in our society that it sadly isn’t even that big of a deal anymore. You hear lies on television, from co-workers, from friends, even from loved ones!  People don’t even think twice about telling a lie nowadays.

Lies come in all different forms.  The little white lies that I already mentioned are somewhat acceptable, I guess.  I mean, they are meant to NOT hurt someone, rather than to get away with something.  So,m they may actually be GOOD lies.  But then there are the other types of lies and liars that commit those lies that are anything but good! 

There are the very blatant lies, where someone will look you right in the eye and claim that something is true which is beyond the shadow of a doubt false (think about the recent election season, with many  claims being made, which when actually researched, turned out to be completely untrue). 

There are the lies made by the pathological liars, where they can’t even keep themselves from telling the lie, even when the truth is not so bad.  I dated a pathological liar a number of years ago.  It was actually pathetic, the things he’d lie about.  Stupid things that didn’t need to be lied about.  Things like the color of the shirt he may have worn that day.  But for him, getting away with the lie, no matter what the lie was, this was the point, the thrill.   That relationship didn’t last long. 

Then there are those people who lie and they truly believe that their lies are reality.  These are basically sociopaths.  No need to say how terrible these types of liars are.

But as bad as it may be to be lied to by any of the aforementioned types of liars, it isn’t the worst type of lies, with in my opinion.  The lies of omission are much worse! These last type  of lies are very dangerous, because they go hidden for a very long time, sometimes years on end! And to make it even worse, most people who commit lies of omissions by just keeping their mouth shut rather than being open and honest … these type of liars don’t actually even think they are liars!  They think, I didn’t actually say anything that isn’t true.  And that’s what makes it the worst kind of lying! Not speaking up about things that someone has a right to know, because it may cause tension, a fight, or even a breakup in some cases, well, that makes it even worse!  Because now, on top of the lie, there’s the secret!

This last type of liar is the one who doesn’t tell you that he or she was flirting with someone and even took their number.  They don’t tell you that they are keeping in touch with their ex.  They simply stay quiet about places they go or things that they do when you’re not around, when you’re thinking they’re doing something completely different.  And because you don’t ask these direct questions, because how would you even know to ask them in the first place, these types of liars just stay silent.  And then they convince themselves that they’re not actually lying, because it’s not like you asked and they made up a false story.  This type is so much worse than any other, because it’s secretive and sneaky!

That’s not to say that if any of these liars told the truth that what they’d normally lie about would be acceptable.  I guess that’s why they lie in the first place.  Because they don’t want the messy fight.  They don’t want to risk losing the other person. They also don’t want to be made to be accountable for themselves.

So, would the truth be better?  The film “The Invention of Lying” with Ricky Gervais takes a look at this concept.  It’s about a world where nobody lies (not even the little white lies) … that is, until one person does lie. It’s a very humorous and interesting movie. I recommend renting it!  My takeaway on the movie though … while a world without any lying (in any shape or form) is not great, I think it may still be better than the one in which there are so many forms of lies, and where lying is so commonplace.  Maybe allowing for the little white lies would be a good compromise.  But let’s get rid of the blatant, the pathological, the socio/psychopathic, and absolutely the lies of omission!!

Next time you are put in a situation where you may feel you want to lie … stop yourself.  Let’s see if we all can just be a bit more honest with each other!  And with ourselves!  It’s worth a try!

Things are looking up!!

So, I officially finished my first FULL week of work at the new job!!  Yes, I know that I started working there at the end of December, but my first week I only worked 3 days.  The next week was a short week as well, having New Year’s Day off.  So this past week was the first time in four months that I went to an office and put in a full day’s work (and overtime) for five days in a row!! 

Next week is a short week as well with Martin Luther King Jr. day! So I lucked out and have a 3-day weekend following the first full week!  I probably still may need to log in from home to do some work on Monday, though. You see, even though I’m new to this job, I’m not new to this type of work.  So they threw me right in, full speed, head first!  I already have deadlines looming!  Talk about hitting the ground running!

But I have to say … it feels GREAT to be back in the mix!!

Now that I’m back in the real world, I realize just how depressing the past four months really were.  You see, not only did I lose the job, but my “romantic” life had hit a bump in the road right about the same time that I left my last job.  Yup, double whammy.

But, I now realize that losing both the job and the guy were actually the best things that could have happened. And, although I wasn’t very happy at the time, I’m so much better off and happier now! 

While my last job was less “deadline” driven than this new one, and while I wasn't unhappy there, it definitely had its own stresses. Even just the basics of having my own work space now makes this job so much better! In the last job, the way the office was set up was very “open office, common space” concept. While this may be great for a start-up, promoting communication and creativity, for the job I have, it was very difficult to concentrate!  Also, having a full-blown cubicle, rather than just a partition separating me from the person next to me at this one REALLY long desk makes me feel as though I’m valued more.

There are lots of other nice perks at this new job too. Like the Wednesday afternoon snack of veggies, hummus and dips and the Friday morning bagels and spreads. The AMAZING views from the office will probably never cease to take my breath. And the technology at this company far surpasses what we dealt with at my last job.

All these little things, and more, make me realize that although I was sad that my position at my old job was being phased out, it was actually a blessing in disguise.

As for the romantic area of my life … that too is a lot better now than it was back then. It took some time (maybe too much time, actually) but I now realize that where I had been, and what I was getting out of that area of my life (or wasn’t getting), well, it just wasn’t the best place for me. I was selling myself short. I talked myself into accepting less than I deserved. A LOT less! 

I realize now that being treated with respect, that knowing someone is excited about getting to know everything about me, and actually allowing me to get to know everything about him … that is what I should have had to begin with.  And it’s what I will always make sure I have going forward with all my interpersonal relationships. I won’t accept anyone into my life who doesn’t have it within themselves to provide this for me.

So, all these changes, while they weren’t ones I actively chose for myself, were actually the best things that could have happened to me.  That old adage of “When one door closes, a window opens” or whatever version of that saying you’ve heard, is absolutely true!

To look at it another way … yeah, it might seem like you are “losing” when negative things like job loss or other types of endings happen to you.  But while things that may seem like negatives at the time, just hold on.  Because those endings allow for positive things to fill the spaces left behind. 

Where’s the humanity??

A little over a week ago I was on the subway heading into the city. I had a coveted spot, leaning up against the door.  I know, it’s not as good as having a seat, but it sure beats having to hold onto the pole or to struggle to reach the bar above those who lucked out and got a seat.  It was crowded, but not wall-to-wall packed.  And even though it’s winter outside, it was really warm in the train.  

All of a sudden I see this guy that had been leaning against another wall collapse to the floor.  I must say, he fainted rather gracefully, just slowly collapsing towards the ground.  What wasn’t graceful were the people standing right next to him, who could have tried to help this young man as he dropped.  But instead, they literally (and yes, I mean LITERALLY) jumped out of the way!

I understand that it is surprising when something like this happens, because you don’t really know what exactly is going on.  But it’s easy to figure it out quickly.  Which is why I was really upset by the reaction of those standing closest to him.

Everyone that was standing near this guy was moving away as quickly as they could. Meanwhile, I was rushing towards him!  Unfortunately, I wasn’t close enough to cushion his fall or prevent him from making it all the way face down onto the floor of a NYC subway!  But I did immediately, without even thinking about it, move to help him in any way I could.

He woke up pretty quickly.  I talked with him to let him know what happened, asked his name, and if he had any medical conditions, including epilepsy.  He didn’t, but had been sick with the flu the week prior.  So that, combined with the warmth of the subway car was probably why he fainted.  I kept him seated on the ground for a bit, until he wasn’t as dizzy.  Meanwhile, I asked those around me to find out if anyone had a fruit or something for him to eat, and someone offered up a breakfast bar.  I asked that we find a seat for him when he was ok enough to stand up.  And again, unfortunately, my faith in humanity was let down, because, while someone did give up their seat, it wasn’t either of the people with the seats closest to this young man! 

The story about this young man’s ordeal goes on with more good people involved, but also with more things that made me shake my head in disappointment with people!  The whole situation made me sad. I totally get that this is a harsh world we live in, and that people (especially people in big cities like New York City) tend to have their guards up because of all the negatives that happen daily in this world.  But it really depresses me that we have gotten to the point where our self-preservation has caused some of us to lose our humanity!

It also made me wonder, if I had a different Dad, would I have been so quick to help?  Let me explain…

When I was a very young child, my Dad was a volunteer National Ski Patrolman.  He would be out on the ski slopes every weekend, helping those who got hurt.  Later in my life, but still while I was a kid, my Dad had joined up with the Coast Guard Auxiliary.  Again, he was helping people, but this time on the open waters.  And whenever my family was in the car heading somewhere, if there was an accident on the roads my Dad would pull over to see if he could help with anyone that may have been injured.  Anytime that my Dad would see someone needing assistance, especially first aid assistance, he would step up!  I never saw him hesitate.  I never saw him move away from someone in need.

So, I learned by example.  If someone needs help, I help.  If someone needs support, I’m there for them.  I think of others and not just of myself.  And it’s not that I “try” to think of others.  I just do it.  It’s how I was raised.  It’s just been instilled in me to do so, without thinking.  Because I follow my Dad’s example!

Yes, it was a different time when I was growing up.  The world (at least my immediate world) seemed smaller, and more of a community.  There weren’t terror attacks constantly in the news, or as many random acts of violence.  But is it these violent times that is causing people to lose their humanity?  Or is it the loss of our humanity that is causing the increase in violence in our world?

And more importantly, how do we get our humanity back?

OMG! The Pressure!!!

It’s a New Year!  And that means people all over the world are going to make resolutions.  Promises to do things, or to stop doing things, or to accomplish things, or to add positives and/or to remove negatives from their lives.  All of these promises, all of these resolutions, are made on one particular day solely because we are starting a new year, and well … why not start NEW in the new year, right?! 

It also seems to be a day that people “declare”, rather than resolve.  They declare their love by maybe getting married or engaged, or maybe they just “DTR”.  No offense to anyone who has done this or plans to do this in the future, but … seriously?  I mean, what if things don’t work out? Then for the rest of your life New Year’s Eve will be a reminder of a doomed relationship!  I mean, why go there?  The whole world will be celebrating with champagne and noisemakers and you’ll be drowning your sorrows, depressed that things didn’t work out.  And I know I may offend some people, but this just comes across as, well, kinda desperate and if I'm being honest here, kinda hokey!

Anyway, over the years I have vacillated between making resolutions and absolutely refusing to make resolutions.  I don’t need that kind of pressure!  Plus, I really feel that there’s no need to wait for this one particular day to make positive changes in my life.  I mean, what’s wrong with making a resolution on, let’s say, April 23^rd.  Or how’s about July 9^th?   September 18^th seems like a good day to make changes!  What’s so special about January 1^st?  Isn’t every day the first day of the rest of your life? (yeah, I know, that was definitely hokey!)

Plus, when I think of the things that people usually have on their resolution list, well … I’ve already gotten the new job (Woot woot!!)  I already go to the gym.  Two gyms, in fact!  I don’t smoke, so no need to quit.  I don’t drink excessively, and I’m not quitting that completely.  I’m not in debt, so no need to pay off credit cards. I guess I could eat more healthy foods.  But where’s the fun in that?  There’s not much that is traditionally on a resolution list that I would need to resolve to accomplish.

But this year I am going to … well, not necessarily make resolutions, but I’m going to commit to try to accomplish several things that I’ve had in the back of my mind to do for some time now!

First, I have had an idea for a novel for many years now.  I even tried a number of years ago to write it.  But it never got completed (or really started).  I think that back then I just didn’t have the commitment to do it, nor did I have the writing skills.  Do I have those skills now?  Not sure.  But I definitely feel that I can give it another try.  Not sure this “commitment” will be completed in one year, but at least starting it is … a start!

I also have an idea for what I think would make a really cute, fun, animated movie!  So, I am going to write up the storyline, develop a screenplay for it and then try to hook up with some animators to see about putting it together!  If you happen to know of or be an animator, please contact me!!  (email address is in my main profile on here)

And last year when I started this blog, one of my closest friends suggested that I start a vlog.  She thought I’d be really good at that.  To be honest, it was something that actually scared me to even think about.  And I’m not so sure it’s something I’d be good at or that anyone would want to even watch.  But I do think it’s something to consider.  I still am not sure if this one will come to fruition, but I commit to at least consider it!  I’d still have to think through all the logistics of this one.  Is it going to be just videos of the things that I now currently write about?  Or will it be separate from the blog?  Do I keep to a schedule, like I do with this blog, with a new one coming out every Sunday?  Or just as the whim hits me and once I’ve had the time to edit things?  It’s got to be more involved than editing my written blog! Plus I’ll first have to learn about how to edit the videos!  Choppy videos probably won’t make great vlogs, huh?

So, anyway, I guess my New Year’s Resolutions are to be more creative this year!

I really welcome all suggestions, comments, and even trolling!  I mean, if I’m going to start my own YouTube channel, I’m going to have to get used to ignoring the trolls, right?  So, if you have anything to say, any suggestions or comments … if you have any gems of experience, any words of encouragement, or disparaging comments meant to thicken my skin, please either comment here or send me an email to the address in my main profile.  I don’t promise responses (especially if you’re a troll, since I’m supposed to learn to ignore you, right?) But I promise that I will read everything!  

Shoot!  I just made another New Year’s promise!

Must love dogs … and cats, hamsters, birds, fish ….

I have always been an animal lover. Always! I have had pet dogs, cats, fish and hamsters throughout my entire life.  And I know I’ll always have some furry family member for the rest of my life.  (Yes, I  know that fish aren’t furry.  But I probably won’t have any more fish.  They are actually rather difficult to keep alive!)

It goes without saying that any guy I get involved with must love animals too!  If he has pets, that’s great, but I have enough for the both of us, so it’s ok if he’s just glomming onto my furrbabies.  I have dated guys that were “ok” with animals, but those were usually first and last dates.  They actually need to really love animals to last with me. 

What I never realized before, though, was how much someone who doesn’t have any pets will have to learn to put up with when they join my pack.  Living with animals definitely takes some getting used to. 

Mealtime becomes interesting, even if you don’t give them anything from the table.  And the guy in my life has to get used to being walked across while we sleep, as well as having three furry monsters taking up a lot of space in the bed!  And there’s the more than occasional time when my dog sneezes in his face!  She sneezes and snorts a lot!  It goes with being a Shih Tzu.

But, there are a lot of benefits to having pets.  Like the cuddles (and head butts from the kitties).  Also, getting greeted at the door after a long day of dealing with annoying human animals is one of the best things about having pets!  If you’re feeling sad, mad or anxious, the furr babies can be a fantastic distraction.  And there’s that unconditional love that they give you.  You can’t get that in the human world.  No such thing as “unconditional” for humans when it comes to love.

However, you also have to be willing to clean up after them.  This includes picking up poop and cleaning up vomit.  Yeah, not so much fun.  But still, it must be done!

And let’s not forget that there will be fur on EVERYTHING!!  I totally should buy stock in the company that makes the lint rollers!! 

Plus, dogs and cats don’t put away their toys when they are done playing with them (well, maybe that one dog that has been trained so that the owner can post the YouTube video of them cleaning up their toys, saying their prayers and tucking themselves into bed at night).  So occasionally, I will step on something that goes “squeak” or some other toy that isn’t soft and squishy (which actually hurts!!)

But that’s not as bad as when you are walking from point A to point B while at home and suddenly realize that you stepped in something that you are PRAYING is just vomit!  Seriously, would you ever think that you’d pray something is “just vomit”?  If you’re a pet owner, you probably have!  It must be hilarious to an observer to then watch me hop my way to the nearest sink to wash the offending yuckiness off! 

Thankfully, I haven’t had any guy accidentally step in something!  I don’t know for sure, but that totally could be a deal breaker for them!  For me, my deal breaker would be a guy who isn’t an animal lover!!  I wouldn’t trade my furrbabies for anything!  Not even for the hottest, most amazing guy in the world.  But, thankfully, there are plenty of hot, amazing guys out there who are animal lovers!!  Even for my three crazy ones!!

Act like an adult!

What does that mean?  Act like an adult. It’s not a very specific or detailed statement, if you ask me.  Similar statements include “Grow up”, “Act your age” and “Stop being childish”.

But I think we all know what that means, even if it’s not explicitly defined.  It means to take responsibility for yourself and for your actions/words.  It means that even though the situation may be uncomfortable, at least have the decency to treat the other person with the respect they deserve and tell them the truth!

I was speaking with a good friend of mine the other day.  She had been in a relationship with a guy for over 2 years.  And of course, over the course of the relationship, there were good times and bad times, as is always the case in any relationship.  Things recently had been fine between her and her boyfriend.  No major arguments or fights.  Nothing to suggest problems in the relationship.  But for some reason, one day out of the blue, he just disappeared! Completely stopped responding to messages she would send.  No longer taking her phone calls.  Just … gone.  My friend had been ghosted.  Perhaps the relationship wasn’t something he wanted anymore.  Perhaps he had spent time thinking this through on his own. But he never brought up any concerns or thoughts he was having with her.  He didn’t have the decency to let her know what was upsetting him.  He just decided that it was a better option to remove himself from existence in her world completely.  To not have the possibly uncomfortable conversation.  To not have to defend his feelings, if she questioned why.  In other words … not very adult-like behavior.  Maybe he just “didn’t want to deal”.  But, sorry … you’re an adult and your actions (or lack of actions) have an effect on someone else, and you owe it to that person to not act like a child!  Especially after being with that person for over 2 years!!  But even if it had been 2 months or 2 weeks, or even a date … the other person in the situation deserves to be treated with enough respect to not pull something like that!

An ex-boyfriend of mine handled ended our relationship in a different, yet also “non-adult” like way. He chose the “I’m gonna act like a complete jerk and get her to break up with me” plan of action.  It wasn’t the first time I’ve dealt with this type of childish way of handling adult situations.  It wasn’t the last time I dealt with that either.  But some guys (and girls) are just cowards when it comes to acting like an adult and actually having the decency to talk to the other person.

There are similar situations that don’t involve boyfriend/girlfriend relationships.  Like the person who pulls the “fake emergency phone call” to get out of a date or hanging out with someone.  Or they pretend they aren’t feeling well.  I guess these could work from time to time, but since we all know about how people pull this crap, it usually doesn’t work in fooling the person they are trying to ditch.  One time, I actually had some guy pull this crap on me, but the idiot didn’t realize that the volume on his phone was high enough for me to hear the other side of the conversation …

Him:            (answers the phone call he got) Hey!
Friend:        Hey, what’s up?  You said to call you right away.  You ok?
Him:            What?  When did that happen?
Friend:        Just now. You sent me that txt
Him:            OMG! Was anyone hurt?
Friend:        Huh?
Him:            Ok, yeah, of course! Absolutely! I’ll be there as fast as I can!!
Friend:        Oohhh!!  Ok, you need to get out of a date, huh?  Ok, call me when
                   you’re out of there!

Meanwhile, I’m sitting there hearing the entire conversation, and doing my best to keep my poker face.  I didn’t confront him, because honestly, I wanted to get away from him just as much at that point! I did end up sending him a txt the next day to let him know I had heard the entire conversation, and as a word of advice, he might want to lower the volume on his calls!  LOSER!!

All of these ways of handling uncomfortable situations are bad!  All of these ways will end up causing the person that is being treated with a lack of respect to not be able to look back on the time the spent with this person with anything other than regret and hostility.  Because how can you have fond feelings for someone who maybe was great towards you for a long time, when they ruin all of that by treating you so poorly in the end?

But I’ve been thinking about this, after speaking with my friend the other day.  It made me think about what she and I had both been saying.  About how her boyfriend needed to just “grow up” and “act like an adult”.  How we were both convinced that it’s immaturity that causes people to act in this “childish” and irresponsible way.  See, the thing is though, children would probably be more “adult” in these types of situations.  They are the ones that don’t have the filters that we get as we “grow up”.  They are the ones who would straight up tell you that they don’t want to be your friend.  That they don’t like you that way.  Or that they don’t want to play with you anymore and they just want to go home.  So I am changing my statement to my friend.  Her now EX boyfriends needs to start acting like a kid and say what he means!!

Let's go to the gym to .... chat?

I work out. And I actually enjoy it. I like taking zumba and kickboxing classes. I also like to lift weights and use the machines. Going to the gym isn't something I dread.

What I don't like ... when people go to the gym and spend most of the time that they are there either chatting with their friends or glued to their phones. And they do this either during the various classes, or while sitting their lazy butts on a machine so nobody else can use the machine.

Go to Starbucks or just hang out at home if that's what you plan to do! Don't hog the machines or the weights if you just want to sit there texting. And please, for the love of all that's holy, STOP THE CONSTANT CHATTER DURING THE CLASSES!!!

I came down to Florida to visit my parents and I've been using the really nice gym facilities here. I'm very impressed with their gym and all they have in there! Plus I've been going with my Mom to her zumba classes. And guess what? It's no different down here. As a matter of fact, with the older adults here, it's even worse in some senses.

In the zumba class we were taking there is this one woman who I'll call Yolanda. I seriously think this woman has dementia. She kept shouting out the entire class. Either "singing along" with the songs (that's in qoutes because she was getting all the words wrong or singing the words a second or two after they were sung by the actual singer on the song) or just shouting out nonsense. I can't fault her though. If she has dementia, it's out of her control. In fact, I applaud that she's still active and staying relatively fit! But it was rather distracting.

But the other women in the class don't seem to realize that they're in an exercise class that's meant to exercise their bodies and not their vocal chords. I heard discussions about whether they were going to the show on Saturday, what happened at their last doctor's appointment (something that's definitely TMI for an exercise class), this really great restaurant that has an amazing early bird special,  and who just arrived as a snowbird, or who had to go into the hospital or hospice.

I know that exercising is also a social activity, but when it interferes with actually exercising, then it's a problem. The one difference down here ... with the weights and machines, you don't see people sitting there texting rather than working out. As a matter of fact, very few people use the free weights at all. At least the ones that are more than 3 pounds.

So, I guess if I'm going to work out in a gym, I'm just going to have to get used to the chatter, since it's not going to get better as I get older. 

Is it a vacation if you’re technically not working?

I’ve technically not been “employed” since September 1^st of this year.  Well, that’s not exactly correct.  Because technically I AM employed, but I don’t go into the office, and I don’t have to work the normal 9 to 5 day (which we all know is never 9 to 5 anymore). I work from home on various projects by logging in remotely.  But, while I’m in this strange “in-between” stage of working/not working, I am also interviewing for a new job that will be in an office, and will be 9 to 5 or whatever equivalent that comes in today’s work world.

After several months of speaking with mostly recruiters, and having just a few interviews, since there are very few job openings at my level, I am very close to receiving offers from 2 different companies (probably will hear about one next week). So it seems that this strange situation is going to be coming to an end soon.  With this in mind, I decided to get away from New York, the cooler weather, and the boredom of being at home too much!  Also, once I start a new job I will not have the opportunity to get away for a while. So it’s kind of a now or not for a very long time scenario. But, since I’m in this strange in-between job situation, is this technically considered a “vacation”?

Whatever it’s called, I’m down in South Florida, enjoying the beautiful weather, sitting by the pool and definitely not wearing a coat.  I plan to go to the Keys to do some snorkeling, and eat some yummy key lime pie!  I’m going to be able to hit the gym here every day (it’s a really nice gym, and not that crowded, so no waiting for machines or equipment!) and take some zumba classes.  There is a gorgeous, practically professional pool hall here.  Maybe I’ll come back to NY and be able to hustle someone! (probably not)

Tonight I’m going to the show.  Tonight's show will be a couple of singers.  Not sure if I’ll know the songs, but it’s entertainment. There are barbeques on Tuesdays and Thursdays here.  And I’ll get to see a couple of movies in the big movie theater they have here, for a cost of $2!!  I even plan to try my hand at golfing!!  If nothing else, it will be fun to drive the golf cart around!! 

We also plan to hit the casino that’s nearby (I’m not much of a gambler, but it will be fun for an evening).  And of course, I’ve signed up for a couple of meetup events to go to while I’m down here!  A board game one, and possibly a karaoke one!  Haven’t fully committed to the karaoke one yet.

But the best part of this  … whatever we want to call this … the cost is very economical!  Why?  Because I’m here at my parents’ place!  So, whether we want to consider me employed or not employed, I didn’t have to pay over a grand to take a vacation to a warm, fun place!!  And even better, I got to bring my dog with me!!  She loves coming to visit her Nanny and Grandpa!!

So, to all my NY peeps, I’ll see you guys when I get back.  But for now, please excuse me, because it’s time to go sit in the hot tub!!

Getting to know you, getting to know all about you

All relationships begin with a “Hello!”  Ok, maybe not those exact words, but they begin with that initial introduction to each other.  And when I say “relationships”, I mean more than just the romantic variety. ALL relationships: friendships, familial, romantic, acquaintance, professional … even enemy relationships.

The thing we need to remember is that all of those types of relationships are “built”.  They don’t happen overnight.  Some people just seem to click and those relationships grow strong more quickly than other relationships.  And those quickly growing relationships could be the ones that last a lifetime or they could be the ones that burn so bright that they burn out quickly too. But the thing is, all relationships still need to be built, and it takes time to actually get to know another person.  As people get to know more about each other is when they learn if they are compatible or not. 

I have heard that the thing that makes you smile about your significant other when you first start dating could become the thing that you hate the most about them later on.  That what was once cute and quirky ends up being so annoying that you want to just rip off that person’s face! (What?  Too intense? Ok, how about … it becomes the thing that makes you want to run away … FAST)

That cute laugh with the snort ends up making you think you’re living with a member of the swine persuasion.  The way they question the waiter about every item on the menu may seem like they are really in touch with what they put into their bodies in the beginning of a relationship.  But later on, you just want to scream at them to “F*ckin’ order something already!!!”  That guy who seems so dark and mysterious when you first meet him ends up just being that secretive, closed-off person that never really lets anyone truly know him.  Or that person who talks to the television show or the movie as if the actors can hear them … “Don’t open that door!!  See, I told you not to open that door!” … ok, that person is just super annoying right from the start!!

So, how long does it take to get to know someone?  I don’t think there is any specific timeline for that.  As a matter of fact, how many times has there been a news article about someone who does something really horrible, and the people closest to him or her will say “He really didn’t seem like the type to do this.” or “I never knew she was a homicidal maniac, who stored dead bodies in the basement.”  (ok, maybe we don’t hear that last one very often.  Thankfully!!)

But the point is still valid.  It takes time to get to know someone. And I don’t think we every truly get to know another individual completely. Heck, we don’t even know ourselves completely.  But, with time, we do get to know others better.

The beginning starts with the basics.  What do you do for work?  Where do you live?  Where did you grow up?  What do you do for fun?  (For those of you who are on the dating sites, these are the beginning questions you can ask.  Please don’t start off with questions about sex or how many kids someone wants to have!  At least wait until the 2^nd date for those kinds of questions.)

I spoke with someone at a party recently.  He was upset because he felt left out of conversations.  I tried to explain to him that it takes time to be “one of the gang”.  That the others there had known each other for a really long time, and had built up their friendships.  How at first we are all just circling any group of friends.  But if we are patient and understand that they need to get to know us and we need to get to know them, eventually we may be inside that circle.  Or, who knows, maybe we will learn that we don’t want to be part of that circle.  Unfortunately, my “words of wisdom” didn’t seem to help this individual, and he ended up leaving the party very upset.

So, after the basics of getting to know each other are out of the way, hopefully the conversations just flow naturally. You each will get to know more about the other, and more about yourself as well.  And if you spend enough time together, you will get to know whether that person will be more than just an acquaintance. The getting to know each other will determine what type of relationship you two will have. That is, until you find out about the bodies buried in the basement!

(for those who are now concerned about me … yes, I have a storage locker in the basement of my apartment building.  But I swear, I only have luggage and the Christmas tree and ornaments stored there!)