Getting to know you, getting to know all about you

All relationships begin with a “Hello!”  Ok, maybe not those exact words, but they begin with that initial introduction to each other.  And when I say “relationships”, I mean more than just the romantic variety. ALL relationships: friendships, familial, romantic, acquaintance, professional … even enemy relationships.

The thing we need to remember is that all of those types of relationships are “built”.  They don’t happen overnight.  Some people just seem to click and those relationships grow strong more quickly than other relationships.  And those quickly growing relationships could be the ones that last a lifetime or they could be the ones that burn so bright that they burn out quickly too. But the thing is, all relationships still need to be built, and it takes time to actually get to know another person.  As people get to know more about each other is when they learn if they are compatible or not. 

I have heard that the thing that makes you smile about your significant other when you first start dating could become the thing that you hate the most about them later on.  That what was once cute and quirky ends up being so annoying that you want to just rip off that person’s face! (What?  Too intense? Ok, how about … it becomes the thing that makes you want to run away … FAST)

That cute laugh with the snort ends up making you think you’re living with a member of the swine persuasion.  The way they question the waiter about every item on the menu may seem like they are really in touch with what they put into their bodies in the beginning of a relationship.  But later on, you just want to scream at them to “F*ckin’ order something already!!!”  That guy who seems so dark and mysterious when you first meet him ends up just being that secretive, closed-off person that never really lets anyone truly know him.  Or that person who talks to the television show or the movie as if the actors can hear them … “Don’t open that door!!  See, I told you not to open that door!” … ok, that person is just super annoying right from the start!!

So, how long does it take to get to know someone?  I don’t think there is any specific timeline for that.  As a matter of fact, how many times has there been a news article about someone who does something really horrible, and the people closest to him or her will say “He really didn’t seem like the type to do this.” or “I never knew she was a homicidal maniac, who stored dead bodies in the basement.”  (ok, maybe we don’t hear that last one very often.  Thankfully!!)

But the point is still valid.  It takes time to get to know someone. And I don’t think we every truly get to know another individual completely. Heck, we don’t even know ourselves completely.  But, with time, we do get to know others better.

The beginning starts with the basics.  What do you do for work?  Where do you live?  Where did you grow up?  What do you do for fun?  (For those of you who are on the dating sites, these are the beginning questions you can ask.  Please don’t start off with questions about sex or how many kids someone wants to have!  At least wait until the 2^nd date for those kinds of questions.)

I spoke with someone at a party recently.  He was upset because he felt left out of conversations.  I tried to explain to him that it takes time to be “one of the gang”.  That the others there had known each other for a really long time, and had built up their friendships.  How at first we are all just circling any group of friends.  But if we are patient and understand that they need to get to know us and we need to get to know them, eventually we may be inside that circle.  Or, who knows, maybe we will learn that we don’t want to be part of that circle.  Unfortunately, my “words of wisdom” didn’t seem to help this individual, and he ended up leaving the party very upset.

So, after the basics of getting to know each other are out of the way, hopefully the conversations just flow naturally. You each will get to know more about the other, and more about yourself as well.  And if you spend enough time together, you will get to know whether that person will be more than just an acquaintance. The getting to know each other will determine what type of relationship you two will have. That is, until you find out about the bodies buried in the basement!

(for those who are now concerned about me … yes, I have a storage locker in the basement of my apartment building.  But I swear, I only have luggage and the Christmas tree and ornaments stored there!)