Social Anxiety

I went to a party last night, run through a Meetup group.  It was an absolutely fantastic party!  A ton of people attended, and everyone was talking and laughing and having a great time!  I had a blast!  Saw a bunch of friends, and made some new ones!  And the party was amazing for another reason.  More awe inspiring than any other party I’ve ever attended!  Because this party was run by a Meetup group for people with social anxiety and shyness!

I personally am extremely lucky and do not have to deal with social anxiety to a great extent.  I can feel comfortable talking to people, even to those I don’t know … most of the time.  So you may wonder why I’m in this Meetup group to begin with.  Well, the organizers and the members are absolutely fantastic people, who are warm and genuine.  People who are some of my closest friends.  Plus, they have the most amazing events!  It’s got to be one of the best Meetup groups on Meetup.com!  And this endorsement is coming from me, as someone who runs her own Meetup group (which is pretty awesome too).

Now, I said I don’t have to deal with social anxiety to any great extent.  But does that mean I don’t have social anxiety at all?  No, it doesn’t.  I believe that everyone has social anxiety, but some just have more of it than others.  Every one of us can remember a time where we were going to have to go somewhere or meet with some people, and we were at least a little bit nervous about it.  We were afraid that we wouldn’t be accepted or that we may make ourselves look foolish.  We may have had to do a presentation for work or some other reason and were scared of getting up there, and our palms started to sweat or we got a little shaky.  Even that little bit is social anxiety. 

But for those who really have to deal with SA, it is a million times more frightening!  It can feel like they can’t get a breath in.  Like their heart is going to explode in their chests.  It can be paralyzing.

I did a little research, and I found that there are quite a number of famous people who you’d never guess had SA.  People like Emma Stone, Jennifer Lawrence, Barbra Streisand, John Steinbeck.  Even Abraham Lincoln suffered from severe anxiety!  The list goes on and on!  But, look at all that these people accomplished!!

I was looking around that party last night, and I was amazed!  Not only with how all these individuals had pushed their own limits, and challenged themselves to do something that can feel like they are actually going to die.  But that everyone was so accepting of all the others there.  And when one person would see someone walking around with that “deer in the headlights” look of pure fear, so afraid that they might have bolted for the door at any second, someone would go over, say hello, and bring them into a conversation!  It was not only a party, but a giant therapy session!

Like I said earlier, I believe that every one of us suffers from SA.  It’s just the extent of it that varies for each individual.  I believe that it is something that can be worked on, but will never fully go away.  Because if someone doesn’t go out and challenge themselves on a continual basis to not let SA take over their lives, it will slowly (or not so slowly) creep back in to be all-consuming.  But with work (yes, it’s work) and a great support network, like the group I am so glad I joined, people with severe SA can feel more comfortable with themselves and with others and go out and enjoy their lives!  They can realize that they are valued, and that they have so much to offer to others as well!

I just wish that more people who are lucky enough to not suffer from severe SA were able to interact with those who do in an environment like this Meetup group.  Because I think that sometimes we put unfair labels on those who suffer from SA.  They may be considered rude or snobby by those who don’t know that SA is in play here.  That it’s like climbing Everest for them to open up and even smile, when inside they feel that paralyzing pressure of anxiety.  So next time, before you judge, remember that you have no clue what is going on in that person’s head, heart and life.  Be kind to yourself, and be kind to others!!

It’s like walking a tight rope! Such a thin line!

I am in the process of job hunting.  As a huge favor, someone I work with sat down with me to go over my LinkedIN account, my resume, discuss networking strategies, and to help me prepare for interviewing.  It’s not as if I haven’t done the whole job search thing in the past, but it’s been a few years, and refreshers are always helpful. 

He gave me a number of great suggestions!  One of which was to have 2 “elevator pitches” of varied lengths ready.  For those who don’t know this term, it means that if you had to “sell yourself” in the time it takes to ride up in an elevator with someone, what would you say?  He suggested in addition to the traditional quick two minute version, to also have one that is a tiny bit longer.  The five minute pitch.

I actually had a former employer look at his watch at the start of the interview and say to me “Ok, I’ve got 5 minutes.  Why should I hire you?”  I had a great response, even though I hadn’t been prepared for this interview technique.  At least I think my response was great, because I got the job.  Of course, after my quick elevator pitch, he went on to interview me for another 20 minutes, and then I had to come back for 4 more interviews with other people at the company.  But eventually, I did get the job.

Thinking about this “elevator pitch” made me think about how to do this and sound confident, but yet, not cocky!  It’s a really thin line between these two.  While you may think you’re coming across as confident, you could accidentally end up appearing cocky.  I honestly don’t think that people actually TRY to come across as cocky.  Although there may be some who do.

Then, of course, because my mind sometimes has a very strong stream-of-consciousness going on, I started thinking about the online dating profiles that I am having OH SO MUCH FUN reading!  There was one that was sooooo cocky that the guy even admitted in his profile that he is cocky.  He said he may “appear arrogant and unattainable”, but that’s because he is.  I actually laughed out loud when I read this!  And not in a good way.  This guy had been the one to contact me, trying to establish some kind of connection.  So, I have to admit, it was a bit of an ego boost that I ranked high enough to be considered worthy of his attention.  (can you hear my eyes roll from there?)  But when I read that, I immediately was turned off!  BIG TIME!! 

Because I was thinking about how to appear confident and not cocky in an interview, I started to look through more dating profiles to see how someone can tread that thin line, and not cross over to the cocky side.  And I’m telling you, it’s not an easy line to traverse!  Not only does it depend on what YOU say, but also how you say it, and on the mood and general attitude of the recipient.  Are they in a good mood?  Do they have a sense of humor?  Or are they a very straight-laced kind of person?  Did they possibly have a rough day?  Have they dealt with self-absorbed jerks in the past and just have no time to put up with that kind of crap?

It made me wonder how my elevator pitch that I gave at that one interview actually worked.  Now that I think back on it, it could have totally backfired.  I did come across a bit cocky.  Thankfully, my boss (future boss at the time) was a bit cocky himself and he appreciated that approach.

All this thinking I’m doing on this subject tells me is that I need to do a lot of drafting and practicing before I head into the interview scene.  I will probably videotape myself doing my elevator pitches, to try also read the facial expressions I use and my body language.  That also plays a huge part.  Something said with a little bit of a smile comes across a lot different than if it’s said completely straight faced!  Or with a smirky kind of smile.  That can make what you say come across more on the cocky side.  

Ugh!  So much to think about!!  But I’m CONFIDENT that I can do this!!

Three rules to get through life!

When I was a kid, my Mom told me that there are three rules to follow to get through life. 

#1 – Never buy an expensive umbrella.  It will only get broken by some gust of wind, or you’ll end up losing it.

#2 – Never buy expensive sunglasses.  You will lose them, or they’ll get scratched or break.

#3 – Never sit on a public toilet seat.  This one really requires no explanation.

I’ve actually followed all of these rules!  And so far, I’m getting through life!  Thanks Mom!

Everyone has their list ... man, "lists" keep coming up in a lot of my topics!  I think I have some sort of list addiction! ... sorry, I digress … Everyone has their list of things that they will never do, or things that they must always do.  Where do these ideas of never or always come from?  Did everyone’s Mom pass on these gems?

I’ve come up with a few other “never” things that I am going to add to my Mom’s list.  I actually think these “rules” are even more important than my Mom’s rules.  Well, maybe not more important than never sitting on a public toilet seat!  Seriously, just don’t do that!!!

1.                   Never be so concerned that something has the right “label” or “brand name”.  In junior high school, all the girls were wearing designer jeans.  I wanted to do the same.  I begged my Mom!  She was shocked by the price tag, but finally gave in and got me a pair of designer jeans.  And I wore them with so much pride!  

But, was it really so necessary to have them?  I could argue both sides.  No, it wasn’t.  Non-name brand jeans would have kept me clothed just as well, and would not have been as expensive.  But yes, it was.  Because having those jeans was one more step towards fitting in.  And in junior high, that is the highest priority.  Now, that’s a whole other blog to write, about fitting in and the consequences of not doing so.  So, we’ll just leave it at that for now.  But as an adult, I know that the label or the brand name doesn’t really matter. Well, at least it doesn’t matter most of the time.  Which brings me to ….

2.                   Never be so concerned about getting something that is not the more expensive name brand, that you end up losing quality.  While I will definitely try to buy the “store” brand of certain things, because they are a LOT less expensive for the same exact thing, there are certain things that are just not as good or as high quality.  So it’s a thin line to walk, between not being concerned about the brand name/label and being concerned that you may be sacrificing quality.

And this last one is most important!!!

3.                   NEVER WORRY MORE ABOUT WHAT OTHERS THINK OF YOU, THAN WHAT YOU THINK OF YOURSELF!!! This one actually gets a lot easier as we get older.  But if I could pass this jewel on to someone younger, and they followed this advice, it would make me so happy! 

Personally, I have always tried to live my life in a way that keeps others in mind.  Meaning, that I try to not do things that are selfish, or could hurt someone else (definitely not physically, but also not emotionally either).  But at the same point, if I do choose to do something or act some way that isn’t going to have a negative effect, yet may get me made fun of or thought of in a “non-popular” way  … I don’t care!  I am going to have fun, I am going to be true to myself, and I am not going to give a rat’s ass if someone else has too many hang-ups of their own to be able to appreciate my joy! 

Remember, you’re the only one that has to spend 24/7 with you.  So you better make sure to be happy with who you are!!  If you stop to think about this, and can’t say that you are happy with YOU … make the changes necessary to become happy!! 

Stop trying to make your family happy, your friends happy, and definitely stop trying to please strangers!  I’m not saying go out of your way to make anyone miserable.  But make sure you, yourself, are happy first.  Because, like the line from one of my favorite Alter Bridge songs goes … “How can you love someone, and not yourself?”

So go out there, buy cheap umbrellas and sunglasses, never sit on a public toilet seat, and BE TRUE TO YOURSELF AND TO WHAT WILL MAKE YOU HAPPY!!

Act your age, not your shoe size!

When I was a kid I always found it funny when other kids would use that taunt with me.  Acting my shoe size when I was around 10 years old wasn’t really an insult.  See, I have REALLY small feet, and back then, my shoe size was a 13 (little kids size).  Back then, someone saying to me, “Act your age, not your shoe size!” meant I was acting 13 years old!  Older than I actually was.

But now that I am older, even though my shoe size is still rather small (just barely adult size), I wonder what it means to “act your age”?  Is there a specific way that I’m supposed to act now?  Are there things that I’m not allowed to do now that I’m older?  What would happen if I do something that only a 30 year old is “allowed” to do?  Or something only allowed when you’re in your 20s?  Do the “age appropriate police” come by and give me a summons?  Do I get charged as an “adult” in “younger adult” court?  Is there a list out there somewhere that would tell me what I should or should not be doing at a particular age? 

At this point in my life, I have friends of all ages.  Well, not kids or teens.   But I have friends in their 20’s, 30s, 40, and on up.  We all seem to have enough in common to have a good time and enjoy hanging out.  I think the saying “age is just a number” may be correct.  I don’t think it’s necessarily someone’s age that will define the things they like to do or how mature they act.  I know plenty of people my age or older who are extremely immature!  And I know some people much younger than I am who are already acting like old fuddy-duddies!  For the most part, I think people act like an average of all ages!

With me personally, even when I was younger, I wasn’t the type that wanted to just go to a crowded bar to “hang out”, standing around with a drink in your hand, waiting for some guy to come talk to you.  Maybe because I’m short and being in a crowded bar, all I’m seeing are people’s armpits!  But make that a dance club and I was there!  I still would be there.  I love to dance!!  Get the music playing, and I’m gonna be shaking my boo-tay!

When I was younger, I loved doing things that gave me an adrenaline rush!  Roller coasters, flying trapeze, riding on motorcycles and even planning to go sky diving one day.  Then, back in 2009 I had a little accident and a large injury.  I went through 2 surgeries and almost 9 months of physical therapy!  And it definitely has had an effect on my ability to do certain physical things to this day.  Not that I let that stop me.  But it also had an influence on my feelings about doing things that are a bit risky.  But that has nothing to do with my age.  That only happened after the injury.  

Now I don’t think I’ll ever jump out of a plane (unless it’s going down, and I am forced to eject).  Yet, I still LOVE roller coasters and other adrenaline inducing things.  I don’t think that will ever change.  Not even when I’m 95!  But now, I do get a bit more nervous about doing these things. Not that it stops me, it’s just now it makes me think first … and then I do it anyway!

So, what does “acting my age” look like?  What is it that I’m supposed to be doing or not be doing now that I am older?  If I start to “act my age”, won’t that just make me age more quickly?  Because we are all getting older.  We have no control over that, and the alternative sucks. But does that mean we need to get older in all ways?  Do we need to act older?  

If that's what it means, then I may just have to break the rules!  Because I don’t feel the age I am now and I sure as shineola won’t be acting the way people expect someone my age to act!  But, I probably won’t be acting my shoe size either! 

When does dating get easier?!?!

Dating!  I hated it when I was younger.  Hate it still!  I’ve seriously never really LIKED to date.  I find it exciting in the beginning, but at the same time, very uncomfortable.  I’d much rather be seeing just one person!  But of course, you must date first to get to that point.  Or at least that’s how it works most of the time. 

The first few dates with someone new always feel like interviews to me.  You are trying to be on your best behavior, tell only the most flattering things about yourself, and you make that extra effort to look AMAZING, from your outfit to your hair to your makeup. 

Then when you have a few dates with one person, you start to relax a bit.  I personally still like to make sure I look good, but after a few dates, I’ll start to let them see more of my vulnerabilities.  Let them get to know the deeper things about me.  Hopefully they do the same.  Although, I have dated some guys who are … hmm, how should I put this … almost downright secretive.  It can almost seem like I’m dating someone who is in a witness protection program, where I can know NOTHING about their life when they aren’t with me.  It really only makes me wonder what is not being said, what is so horrible that I can’t know more about them?  What are they hiding?!?!  And then, when the dating/seeing each other comes to an end, I usually feel that I never really knew them at all.  And yes, it does eventually end, because how can you develop any kind of relationship of any depth with someone who won’t let you in, and makes sure that you never feel like you are really a part of their life in any significant way.

I’ve done the online dating thing.  I have a ton of funny (and yet, not so funny) stories from that!  Like the guy who in the first few emails back and forth started to “yell” at me for not sharing his political views.  You can probably guess, that never ended up being an actual date.  Or the guy that peeled away from my curb before I had even gotten 2 feet away.  I mean, really?  At least watch that I get inside, if you’re not willing to walk me to the door.  Or the guy who, after I told him that I don’t really feel a “romantic” kind of connection to him, asked if I could set him up with my sister (who he hadn’t even seen, but only knew I had because he asked about siblings on our one date)

Also, with online dating, I usually get either guys that are VERY young, looking for that “cougar” relationship or quick hookup, or I get the guy who claims he’s 55, but looks closer to 75. So there’s a lot more of “um, no thanks”, than there are actual dates.

I’ve been set up on dates with guys through friends.  Sometimes I wonder after those experiences … “Really?  Is that what my friend thinks of me?”  Don’t get me wrong, I have been set up with some very nice guys too.  The last set-up I had, the guy was very nice, but I just didn’t feel that romantic type of connection.  Too bad, because he was a nice guy.

I’ve also gone the route of deciding to be alone for a while.  Just hang out with my friends and focus on me and what is going on in my life.  And while that is definitely needed at times, it does get lonely.  And honestly, after a while of being alone, it’s kind of difficult to get back out there. 

I was recently seeing someone, but unfortunately, that’s ended.  So now I need to decide, do I re-activate my OKCupid account?  Ask my friends if they know any nice, single guys.  Or do I just go solo for now?  Hmm, decisions, decisions.  Why doesn’t this get any easier as we get older?!? 

Sleep like a baby!

We’ve either heard or said that line in one form or another at some point in our lives.  “I slept like a baby last night.”  “After all this fresh air, I’m gonna sleep like a baby!”  “Don’t wake him, he’s sleeping like a baby!” But if you really think about it, that line is completely wrong!  Babies don’t sleep well. They are up every couple of hours to either eat, pee or poop!  Have you ever heard of a baby getting eight straight hours of sleep without waking?  So, sleeping like a baby should mean that you aren’t getting a good night’s sleep.

Unfortunately, as I get older I actually do sleep like a baby!  No, I don’t wake up every 2 hours to have a bottle of formula.  But I do get up to use the restroom at least once during the night!  I’ve even try to not have any liquids past a certain point in the evening, but I still get up!  And I end up feeling dehydrated by morning.  

I’ve tried to ignore the "need", and sleep (or go back to sleep) through it.  But it only works for a short time.  And if it does work and I do sleep through it, I end up waking up about an hour before I actually need to get up.  Going back to sleep at that point is hard, if not impossible. Plus, if I do manage to fall back to sleep, I end up waking up even more tired at the alarm.

I also don’t sleep as soundly as I’m getting older.  Babies actually can do this. They can sleep through all sorts of noises.  Not me!  Someone slams a door down the hall, I’m up.  A car alarm goes off outside, Hello middle of the night!  The woman upstairs decides to have a romantic evening … well, that’s the worst!  I mean, who wants to be woken by that type noise without it being you who is getting the benefits?!  It actually got so bad with her “noises” that the Board of the Cooperative I live in forced her to get wall-to-wall carpeting.  It helps … a little.  What helps more is when she doesn’t have a boyfriend!

I’ve tried earplugs.  They help, but not enough.  If the noises are loud enough, they get through.  And it's a strange feeling to sleep with them.

I’ve tried the sound machines.  They actually only keep me awake. (see above re: not being able to sleep through noises)  And the ones that sound like ocean waves or babbling brooks … well, we’re back to the whole needing to use the restroom issue!

I know from my parents telling me, that this “waking up at night” thing only gets worse the older we get.  And while I don’t feel (or act) my current age most of the time, it seems that I have no power to stop this part of getting older.  I guess I can’t complain, since I’ve managed to keep myself from “getting older” in most other ways.

So I think people should stop saying that they slept like a baby.  I think people should actually say “I slept like a teenager last night!”  Now, THEY know how to sleep!!

Keep on Hoarding in the Real World

We’ve all seen the shows about people who are hoarders. Big Edie and Little Edie.  The news story about the guy who was found dead, buried under 10+ years of old newspapers. We shake our heads and wonder how anyone could let things get that bad. How can they live like that, with only a tiny path to move from room to room, no place to sit, no place to breathe.

But they didn’t start out like that.  This is not a problem that happens overnight.  It is years in development.  Which, in a way, is a very scary thought! It could potentially happen to any of us!  And in this modern age, it’s actually even easier! 

I don’t even need to leave my bed to order a buttload of stuff off the internet!  Amazon Prime, Overstock (as in “stock my place until it’s OVERflowing”), Ebay, and basically every other retailer now has an online version where you can shop!  Convenient, yes.  Dangerous … well, also, yes!

I am definitely a culprit of this online addiction of purchasing!!  I now make most of my purchases online.  Everything from electronics to cat litter!  And I’m not the only one.  The package room in my building is brimming on a daily basis!

But do I really NEED it all?  Absolutely not!  I mean, yes, I do need to buy cat litter, and food for the fur babies, and it is definitely much more convenient to do it online, so I’m sure that will never change for me.  But do I need that golden Buddha head statue?  Do I need yet another pair of sneakers? How many t-shirts is enough?

And yet, this new trend (actually, I’m not sure if it’s “new”, but it’s newly popular in the media) of minimalism that is coming out of Japan is an interesting polar opposite to what is happening in the Western world!  I don’t know if I could live with such minimalism myself.  I do want more than 1 plate, 1 spoon, 1 fork, 1 knife, and only 2 pairs of pants and a couple of shirts.  But, it does make one (that “one” being me) think about just how much I already have, and that I really don’t NEED.

Every few months, I do go through my clothes and fill up a bag (or 7) to give to donation.  And it’s a struggle.  I may not have worn something in the last few weeks or even months, but I get nervous that I will need it the day after I give it away!  That, my blog-reading friends, is the real problem!  This attachment to “STUFF”. 

So what do I do about this?  I have to psych myself up to be brutal and get rid of things.  Set myself a goal.  (maybe create a list??) Fill up at least 3 bags of clothing and get rid of at least a box filled with tchotchkes. And then maybe change the password to my Amazon Prime account and not write it down?!  Oh wait, I still need that kitty litter!  Darn it!  Foiled before I even begin!  The frustration of it!  Maybe some shoe shopping therapy will help?!

“On the road again” or “There's no place like home”

I'm writing this entry from Florence, Italy, even though it will be posted once I'm back home. I love to travel, to see other places, learn the history and culture. I also am a big fan of the resort type travel as well (scuba vacations are always fun!) But traveling definitely has its ups and downs.

The positives, in addition to other cultures and places is the new experiences, tasting new foods (or at least more authentic than you can get back home), meeting new people. And of course, not having to be at work! Unless you happen to write a travel blog or something similar. Traveling for work is definitely not the same!

But, there are definitely the downsides to travel, even if it is for enjoyment.

Not speaking the language can be daunting, frustrating, and can even be scary at times. This trip hasn’t been too bad. Most people speak at least a tiny bit of English.  There was only one time where one of my travel companions was “chased” by some angry lady at an open market stall for not stopping to look at her stuff.  When I said “No Italian”, she gave me a gesture that could only mean that she wasn’t too pleased, rattled off some more Italian, and finally went back to her stall. I don’t think anyone ever taught this woman that being nasty isn’t going to earn you a sale.

Sleeping in a bed that isn't your bed can also be hard to get used to. While the bed on this trip is comfortable enough, it isn’t as good as mine at home, and their pillows SUCK!! I mean, REALLY SUCK!!!  I love my bed at home!  It is super firm, and my pillows are the perfect thickness and weight! I could spend all day cuddled up in my bed! I don’t (unless I’m sick), but I could and it would be so comfy!

And there are the new noises to get used to. On this trip it’s been the 5 a.m. wake up from the garbage being collected (also known as the TONS of wine bottles the restaurant downstairs had served the day before being tossed noisily into a metal truck) and the shops opening their metal pulldown gates to get ready for their new work day. And did you know that Italy has SOOOOO many churches!  The church bells can be heard for quite a distance!! 

Plus, Italy is HOT during the summer.  I mean REALLY HOT.  And humid!  And, Italians don’t seem to be big fans of air conditioning!  Put the two together, and well, yeah, not pleasant! I know, the environment, greenhouse gasses and all that. But when you are literally melting away (yes, literally, as the sweat drips off me!) you really aren’t as concerned about that.

But, the hardest part of traveling can be the having to be 24/7 with your travel companions!  I do love the people I am traveled with, so don’t get me wrong. But in the normal course of my days back home, we’re not together ALL THE TIME!! Not everyone wants to do the same thing as others. Nobody is going to be in a great mood all the time. And everyone needs a little time alone now and then.  But I think we’re doing pretty good, considering the amount of time together!

This trip is definitely a LOT better than a trip I took with a friend a few years ago!  By the end of the trip, we weren’t talking, and weren’t friends anymore!  But from the way she was on the trip, I think the friendship would have been doomed eventually anyway.  Because you can’t hide that level of crazy for too long!!

I’m happy that I am experiencing Italy, and all the things I’ve seen, done, tasted, heard! We are fitting a ton of things into the little time I have here.  But I am also looking forward to heading home!  To see my fur babies! To sleep in my own bed!  To have air conditioning!!

Just not looking forward to having to go back to work!  Hmmm, travel blogs?!?!

When did “9 to 5” become “24/7”?

So, being old enough to be an AARP member, I’ve been in the work world for quite a while.  I started working part time back in high school.  I actually worked at a mini-factory of sorts, making quiches. Not a bad gig, actually.  It did have its down sides, as every job does.  Like when you were assigned the job of processing the huge block of cheese into grated cheese, and you’d break out in hives from the fumes.  But it had its up sides too.  Like getting to take home the ones that came out of the oven with cracked crusts!

But one thing I’ve noticed over the years … what used to be thought of as the “9 to 5” world has now become a “24/7” thing.  And it is NOT a good change!

Back when I first became a paralegal, I worked at a law firm.  Law firms are notorious for having their employees work a TON of hours.  It’s all about the billable.  I would regularly work late.  And I’m not talking 7 or 8 at night, I’m talking 10 or 11 at night.  At times I’d be there would be even later.  And on a rare occasion, I’d never get home.  I had a change of clothes in my office and a sleeping bag stored under my desk for times when I would have to pull an all-nighter, catching a half an hour or so of sleep before starting the next full day.

When I was ready to leave the law firm for an in-house position, I sat down with one of the partners I worked with on a consistent basis.  He didn’t want me to leave and offered to have the law firm pay for me to go to law school.  I was honored that he thought enough of me to make that offer.  But I turned him down. I didn’t want this kind of life.  I want quality of life.  I wanted to earn enough to pay my bills and save for vacations and retirement.  I didn’t need to live in the style of what is commonly thought of as being “rich”, because to me being rich is having a family who loves me, good friends who are like family, and the time to enjoy the things life has to offer.

After the law firm, I worked at jobs that were more reasonable in their hour requirements.  But now, in the past 10-15 years or so, it’s gotten to the point that even the “in-house” hours are getting longer. I know there are certain industries where this is always going to be the case.  But now more companies want to have more done, by less people.  They want everyone on a blackberry or smartphone, connected all the time to the office. 

Taking the weekend, or a vacation, completely away from work related interruptions is practically unheard of!  Weekends and vacations were traditionally meant to let a person recharge their batteries, so they can come back to the office better prepared to tackle the work on their plate.  How is not getting this “off” time having an effect on us?  There is no rest, there is no recharging.  So are we really as productive in the hours we are working?  Now they have desks that you can raise up so you can stand for part of your day, to reduce the risk of stroke.  Seriously?  We have become so glued to our desks that we are risking our very health!

The United States ranks VERY low on the scale of countries that are best for a work-life balance.  It’s not even in the top 10 of the best countries for a good work-life balance. Heck, it’s not even in the top 25! And it’s worse in the metropolitan areas of the country.  These are the areas where leisurely walking down the street will annoy others around you (um, New York, I’m talking about you!) Everyone is rushing around to get more done in less time.  Because we spend so much of our time at work.  Why do we feel that we need to live to work, rather than work to live? 

There are still places in the world where you can have a good quality of life, be able to pay your bills, enjoy life, and not need to work endless hours!  In my searching for how bad the US is on the scale, I saw a number of countries that are much better!  I seriously need to consider moving to Denmark!  At least until that country decides to turn “9 to 5” into “24/7”.

My kids have 4 legs and fur.

My friends post on Facebook about their kids and the accomplishments they are making. I cheer right along with them!  I know how proud my friends are, and I’m happy for them when their kid wins a big game, or an award, or even if it’s not something big, but just that they are having fun and being a kid.

I also have several friends who have decided to have children later in life. Some have even decided to take on this amazing journey as single parents!  I'm in total awe! Raising kids with a partner is difficult enough. But by yourself ... well, I can't even imagine. My friends who have chosen to do this alone are so brave, strong, and inspiring!

Children definitely bring much joy to their parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and on and on. But having kids is also a lot of work, a bunch of frustration and a ton of worry! We’re lucky that the good outweighs the “not as good”, or our species would have died out long ago!

When I was a kid, I had my baby dolls and would pretend to play Mommy. I would dress them up, pretend to feed them, change diapers (that were thankfully not like the real thing!!), and do all the things I thought a Mommy would do. 

As a teenager, I babysat for a family. First for their little girl, and then after their second child was 5 months old, for both kids. I loved it!

As a young adult in college, I still got to be around kids. My major was Special Education/Elementary Education. I did my student teaching and loved working with the kids, watching them learn. It was challenging, but also rewarding! 

So, with all these positive points about kids, you may ask if I have kids? Yes! Only, mine have 4 legs and fur.

Sometimes I do feel that I missed out. That I let something that could have been a wonderful part of my life slip past me. But I’m not as brave and strong as some of my friends, and I wouldn’t be able to do it on my own.

And part of me is selfish. I like being able to sleep later on the weekends. I get to do things that I want to do. If I want to have a bag of microwave popcorn for dinner, I totally can do that!  Not the best thing for me, but at least social services won’t be knocking on my door saying I’m neglecting myself! 

And, let’s not get into the expense of having kids!  Seriously, it’s crazy!!  If I had kids, I definitely would not be able to take as many vacations (or plan them for what I want to do and not what is necessarily "kid friendly"), or get that new cool electronic thing-a-ma-bob that I don’t need, but really want! Retirement savings would have had to be split with college savings accounts. 

I do have a lot of friends who have chosen to remain childless.  Single friends and couples.  So, nowadays, not having kids isn’t as big a deal. And we have each other to hang out with and do "adult" things (or not so "adult" things) Now that I think about it, most of these friends have kids that are like mine.  With 4 legs and fur!

Could I still have a kid? Yeah, sure. I definitely I could. If my friends are doing it now, I totally could! Would I be brave enough to do it by myself.  Absolutely … not!  So, for now at least, I’ll live vicariously through the posts on Facebook.  But first, I have to go walk my eldest “child” before she poops on the rug.