The Golden Rule

I have never been a religious person.  Yes, I do identify with a religion, but it’s more of a cultural thing than a religious thing for me.  I have mixed feelings when it comes to religion in general, and these mixed feelings apply to all religions. Part of me feels that religions help to guide people to be better versions of themselves.  But another part of me feels that religions serve to separate, alienate and exclude those who don’t belong to the same religion and to even exclude those from the same religion who don’t believe the exact same things from that same religion.  On the positive side again, one thing religions are supposed to do is to provide a moral compass, a guidance of how to be a good person. 

The thing is … why should we NEED this guidance?  Shouldn’t it come naturally?  Shouldn’t we all have the basic desire to treat others with kindness, respect and dignity, as we would want to be treated ourselves?  We are human, afterall.  We should be HUMANE!

Luke 6:31 states “Do to others as you would have them do to you.”  Not from my religion, not from any scripture that I grew up reading or being taught.  But it’s something that I’ve always tried to live by.  Something that is a basic tenant of all religions. (well, maybe not Satanic Worship)  But it is something that’s also always frustrated me, because most people do not seem to live by this!  And while I’m going about my life, trying to do and say things in a way that I would want others to do and say things to me … well, it’s not the case for others, and I often end up hurt by this lack of courtesy.

It is because of others NOT following this bible teaching, this moral compass, these words to live by, that I find that I am often the one who is doing more for others, being there for others, treating others well and with thoughtful kindness, and not receiving the same in return.  But I don’t do or say or act in this “do unto others” way in order to make sure I’m treated well in return.  I do, say, and act this way because it’s what I feel is right. It’s how I can look myself in the mirror and like the person I see. So it shouldn’t bother me so much.  But it does.  I just wish I wasn’t disappointed by others so often.

How many times have you been hurt because you’ve been lied to?  Or how many times has someone completely disregarded your feelings, because that would mean thinking of someone other than themselves?  Can you think of a time (or times) when you’ve gone out of your way to be kind, where you could have just said nothing or done nothing, only to have the other person completely ignore you, and not even acknowledge that you reached out in the first place?

I can’t count the number of times I’ve simply wished someone well, and while they may or may not say thank you, oftentimes they don’t offer the same in return.  No “same to you” or similar wish sent my way.  Just an acceptance of my wishing THEM well, without the care and thought that I be wished well.  People want to be treated kindly, but they often put no effort into doing the same for others.  If someone says to you “Have a great day” or “All the best” or anything to that effect… say it back!!! Something other than JUST a self-absorbed “thanks” … and definitely something other than nothing at all! 

You don’t like when people are mean to you?  Then don’t be mean to others!  It frustrates you when someone doesn’t respond to you reaching out?  Then don’t ignore when others reach out to you.  You don’t want to be lied to?  Then don’t lie (or omit truths)!  You want compassion from others?  Then give compassion to others!!  Think of others, and do unto others!  It’s not all about YOU.  It’s all about how YOU interact with OTHERS!

Christianity:  Do to others as you would have them do to you. (Luke)

Judaism:  What is hateful to you, do not do to your fellowman. This is the entire Law; all the rest is commentary. (Talmud)

Islam:  No one of you is a believer until he desires for his brother that which he desires for himself. (Sunnah)

Buddhism:  Hurt not others in ways that you yourself would find hurtful. (Udana-Varga)

Hinduism:  This is the sum of duty; do naught onto others what you would not have them do unto you. (Mahabharata)

Taoism:  Regard your neighbor’s gain as your gain, and your neighbor’s loss as your own loss. (Tai Shang Kan Yin P’ien)

Lisa-ism:  Just friggin’ treat each other with the respect, forethought and kindness that you want to receive! (Lisa - Random thoughts and observations)

I didn’t think it could get worse! But, oh boy did it!!

So, about a month and a half ago, I entered the oh-so-wonderful world of online dating!  As I wrote in a post back then, I wasn’t too thrilled about re-entering this scene.  I had been there in the past, and wasn’t thrilled with the way it turned out.  And I find dating in general to be nerve wracking!  But, enter it, I did.  

Well, what was always an uncomfortable arena for me has now become a pure nightmare!! 

I’ve gotten a lot of “hits”, and even went out on a few dates.  No “love connections” with those guys, however.  But I was still hopeful to find the guy who would set my tummy to butterflies, who would also be a good guy, and would treated me nice.  The thing is, for the most part the majority of the guys that contact me aren’t even going to make it to the first date. 

I am still getting guys from as far away as the Middle East.  Nevermind that the first paragraph of my profile states very clearly that if you don’t live in the NYC area, I’m not going to be interested in making pen pals and won’t respond.  Part of me is tempted from time to time to reply to these long-distance guys contacting me from Austin, TX, Los Angeles, CA, or Tel Aviv, Israel, and say “Hey! Nice to meet you. What do you say we cut to the chase and meet tomorrow at 35^th and Lexington and grab a cup of coffee?”  But, I control my sarcasm and just delete the email.

I’m also still getting the REALLY young guys, who think that dating me will be “cool”, and that the fact that I’m more than twice their age is “no biggie”.  Thing is, I’m probably older than their Mom. And it is a biggie.  What would I have in common with a 23 year old??  I’m also still getting the 75 year olds, pretending to be 55.  My first thought with these guys is “Wow, if you’re 55, you are NOT aging well at all!!” 

But, the thing that is making this time around more of a horror to me is that I’m finding that a majority of the guys on the site are just looking for a quick hookup!  And they aren’t shy about it!  I mean, not shy AT ALL!!!  I had one guy start in on the second sentence with asking sex questions about my favorite position.  He actually hadn’t even asked my name yet!!  Insane!!!

I had started chatting with this one guy.  He seemed nice, and we even took the conversation offline into texting directly.  We were talking for about a week and had set up a date to go to dinner.  The night before our date, we were texting, setting the specifics of the date for the next night, as well as catching up on our week.  Then he asked me to send him a pic … of my boobs!!  I told him no, that I won’t do that. Guess what?  He cancelled the date!  Seriously?!?!  WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH THESE GUYS????

It makes me wonder, am I just too old for this? Is this the way of the dating world nowadays?  Part of me wants to just give up completely and be alone.  It’s got to be easier than dealing with this crap!  But another part of me truly believes that there has to be at least one truly good guy out there.  Who knows, maybe he and I have already started chatting.  Time will tell.  In the meantime, my “delete” button gets a lot of action.

Make New Friends, But Keep The Old

I’m not sure if you know that song.  “Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other gold.”  I’m also not sure if there’s more to it than that one verse, because that’s all I ever knew.  But it’s about old friends being the gold standard, but that you should also make new friends, because they’re pretty darn good too!

When we were kids, making friends was easy.  Well, somewhat easy.  Ok, maybe not that easy.  But at least the opportunities were more plentiful.  We had school, after-school activities, clubs, summer camps, and so on.  We had natural social activities that were meant for making friends.  So, while it can be scary to approach new people and make new friends, at least we had places that would allow us to do that.

As we get older, it gets more difficult to meet new people.  There aren’t as many naturally occurring “friend making” places for us.  Work, yeah, but sometimes it’s best to keep work and social life separate. And the ability to approach someone and simply say “Hi, my name is  ….” becomes more nerve-wracking.

After high school, and maybe even after college, we hopefully had our group of core friends to hang out with. So together, we would go out to clubs, and try to meet more people.  But did we really meet and make many lasting friendships out in clubs?  Probably not.  Or at least, not many.

And then, a lot of people that we were friends with when younger may have met their “significant others” in college or grad school or shortly thereafter.  So they went on to a different social arena.  The “couples” arena.  They may have hung out with us, their single friends, from time to time. But being a “couple” meant that the single friend was the “third wheel” and it became easier to hang out with other couples.  Then their kids came along and now the couples were “families” and they were spending most of their time juggling their kids’ social schedules.  So while they are still friends of our, they are more likely not the people we’ll spend most of our time with, if we’re still single.

So those of us who are still single find ourselves in a smaller universe.  At least it is smaller if we stuck just to our age bracket.  If we pushed the slider a bit in either direction, we could hang out with more people. That is, until they may enter the “couples” or “families” arenas.

But where do we go to meet others?  I am not really looking to go out clubbing.  It’s not that I don’t like to dance, but it hasn’t really changed from when I was younger and would go out clubbing. I wasn’t making new friends. If anything, I may meet some guy and maybe we’d exchange numbers and maybe we’d go out.  But I didn’t really make “friends” by going clubbing.

For me, thankfully, I found Meetup.com.  I have met so many people through that site who are new friends.  Good friends.  “Silver-on-the-way-to-becoming-gold” friends. People I love to spend time with!  These are friends of all nationalities, races, ages, religions.  What do we have in common (other than being members of Meetup)?  Well, we all probably want to make new friends.  Yes, we’re definitely keeping the old friends.  But we find new friends to spend time with, to experience new things with. 

I don’t think I’ll ever stop making new friends.  And my cache of “gold” friends keeps getting bigger!  So I’m getting “rich” with both silver and gold …. friends, that is.  Wouldn’t that be nice if it were also just plain old silver and gold?  But if I had a choice, I’d take the friends over the metals!  They are much more valuable!!

Just call me an Adrenaline Junky!!

I’ve always been a bit of an adrenaline junky!  As a kid I was very active and did lots of very physical types of activities.  I took gymnastics, starting at the age of 5.  I took all sorts of dance classes.  I was the one who liked to place the foam mattresses from our guest bed on the stairs to the basement, and slide down them, head first.  Horseback riding, with learning how to do jumps, was one of my favorite childhood activities (even when I would get thrown or go over a jump without the horse.  Even that one time that while going over a jump, my horse turned and I fell off WITH MY FOOT STILL STUCK IN THE STIRRUP!!   Having grown up in a neighborhood that had originally been an apple orchid, I would often be found up in a tree.  Climbing trees was always something I loved to do.  I would climb out onto a limb, and pick some of the apples.  I’d eat some and throw some down to my dog, who was waiting for her treat!  Skiing was something that in my family, we had no choice about.  My Dad was a National Ski Patrolman.  So we were up at the slopes most weekends when I was a kid.  Thing is, I hate the cold weather!!  REALLY hate it!  So while it was fun to go downhill, I really didn’t enjoy being cold!!

As I got older, I expanded to other activities.  In college I started the women’s Rugby team!  I love rugby!  It’s a very physically challenging sport.  Unfortunately, most of the women who initially signed up were not that thrilled with being incredibly sore, and having raspberry bruises all over!  So the team didn’t last very long! 

I was in the cycling club too.  Now, you may not think that’s very adrenaline inducing.  But when you are riding in traffic, it does get that way.  There were lots of  times that I had to quickly swerve to avoid getting hit, or to avoid a car door that quickly opened.  There was the one time I didn’t swerve fast enough out of the way of the car door.  Riding head first into an open car door is NOT fun!

But I have to say that the most adrenaline inducing activity that I ever took on was the flying trapeze!  I can still remember my first time up on the rig.  I was in Turks and Caicos.  It was a GORGEOUS setting for flying!  The ocean, the beach, the trees and the beautifully painted buildings.  I climbed the VERY high ladder, and crossed over the open space to the platform.  Once up there, I felt my legs shaking.  I was a bit surprised, because I didn’t really think that I was nervous.  I waited for the person in front of me to finally hop off to do her turn.  It took a while, because she was REALLY nervous.  And as soon as she left, I realized that it hadn’t been my legs that were shaking, it was her!  She was shaking so badly, that she shook the entire platform, and me on it!  So it was my turn to get hooked up in the safety lines, and hop off the platform into thin air! 

And once I did, there was no turning back!  I was hooked!  I returned to the resort 2 more times in the next 4 months, with the sole purpose to do more flying trapeze!  Then FINALLY, a trapeze school opened in New York City!! I spent a boatload of money taking classes!  But I was having the best time!!  Even with the extremely sore muscles (which I actually like.  I know, I’m a weirdo!) and the ripped skin on my hands (that I didn’t like so much!!  Especially when it came time to shower or wash my hair!!)  There are now several flying trapeze schools in the NYC area.  

During the years after I started flying trapeze, I spent the majority of my time either up in the air, preparing to go up in the air, or talking with my fellow flyer friends about being up in the air!!

Unfortunately, a few years back, I had an accident and ended up having to have 2 surgeries and went through 9 months of physical therapy.  Yes, it was a flying trapeze accident.  All I’m going to say about that is … if you’re not being paid to fly in a circus, and if you cannot tell if the timing is off, then NEVER take off the safety lines!  With the safety lines, flying trapeze is not really that dangerous!  (well, except to the skin on your hands!)   

Have I been back to flying trapeze?  Yes.  But now, the shaking on the platform may actually come from me.  Where I never had fear before, I now do get somewhat nervous.  But will that completely stop me?  Oh hell no!!  But I’m definitely not a regular at the rig, like I once was.  And yes, that is a bit sad.

This past Friday, I tried laser tag for the first time!  O … M … G!!!  So much fun!!!  Adrenaline pumped!  I got lots of exercise (yes, I’m one of those weirdos who likes to exercise!) and my thighs are screaming at me today!  And I was actually really good!  Like, REALLY good!  Being short was definitely an advantage in this game!  The only thing that would have made it better … if we could have climbed up on things!! 

So, if there’s ever a faction choosing ceremony that I have to go through, be assured, my blood will be dripped onto burning coals!

*for those who never read or saw the Divergent series, the last sentence refers to choosing to join the group known for being brave

Social Anxiety

I went to a party last night, run through a Meetup group.  It was an absolutely fantastic party!  A ton of people attended, and everyone was talking and laughing and having a great time!  I had a blast!  Saw a bunch of friends, and made some new ones!  And the party was amazing for another reason.  More awe inspiring than any other party I’ve ever attended!  Because this party was run by a Meetup group for people with social anxiety and shyness!

I personally am extremely lucky and do not have to deal with social anxiety to a great extent.  I can feel comfortable talking to people, even to those I don’t know … most of the time.  So you may wonder why I’m in this Meetup group to begin with.  Well, the organizers and the members are absolutely fantastic people, who are warm and genuine.  People who are some of my closest friends.  Plus, they have the most amazing events!  It’s got to be one of the best Meetup groups on Meetup.com!  And this endorsement is coming from me, as someone who runs her own Meetup group (which is pretty awesome too).

Now, I said I don’t have to deal with social anxiety to any great extent.  But does that mean I don’t have social anxiety at all?  No, it doesn’t.  I believe that everyone has social anxiety, but some just have more of it than others.  Every one of us can remember a time where we were going to have to go somewhere or meet with some people, and we were at least a little bit nervous about it.  We were afraid that we wouldn’t be accepted or that we may make ourselves look foolish.  We may have had to do a presentation for work or some other reason and were scared of getting up there, and our palms started to sweat or we got a little shaky.  Even that little bit is social anxiety. 

But for those who really have to deal with SA, it is a million times more frightening!  It can feel like they can’t get a breath in.  Like their heart is going to explode in their chests.  It can be paralyzing.

I did a little research, and I found that there are quite a number of famous people who you’d never guess had SA.  People like Emma Stone, Jennifer Lawrence, Barbra Streisand, John Steinbeck.  Even Abraham Lincoln suffered from severe anxiety!  The list goes on and on!  But, look at all that these people accomplished!!

I was looking around that party last night, and I was amazed!  Not only with how all these individuals had pushed their own limits, and challenged themselves to do something that can feel like they are actually going to die.  But that everyone was so accepting of all the others there.  And when one person would see someone walking around with that “deer in the headlights” look of pure fear, so afraid that they might have bolted for the door at any second, someone would go over, say hello, and bring them into a conversation!  It was not only a party, but a giant therapy session!

Like I said earlier, I believe that every one of us suffers from SA.  It’s just the extent of it that varies for each individual.  I believe that it is something that can be worked on, but will never fully go away.  Because if someone doesn’t go out and challenge themselves on a continual basis to not let SA take over their lives, it will slowly (or not so slowly) creep back in to be all-consuming.  But with work (yes, it’s work) and a great support network, like the group I am so glad I joined, people with severe SA can feel more comfortable with themselves and with others and go out and enjoy their lives!  They can realize that they are valued, and that they have so much to offer to others as well!

I just wish that more people who are lucky enough to not suffer from severe SA were able to interact with those who do in an environment like this Meetup group.  Because I think that sometimes we put unfair labels on those who suffer from SA.  They may be considered rude or snobby by those who don’t know that SA is in play here.  That it’s like climbing Everest for them to open up and even smile, when inside they feel that paralyzing pressure of anxiety.  So next time, before you judge, remember that you have no clue what is going on in that person’s head, heart and life.  Be kind to yourself, and be kind to others!!

It’s like walking a tight rope! Such a thin line!

I am in the process of job hunting.  As a huge favor, someone I work with sat down with me to go over my LinkedIN account, my resume, discuss networking strategies, and to help me prepare for interviewing.  It’s not as if I haven’t done the whole job search thing in the past, but it’s been a few years, and refreshers are always helpful. 

He gave me a number of great suggestions!  One of which was to have 2 “elevator pitches” of varied lengths ready.  For those who don’t know this term, it means that if you had to “sell yourself” in the time it takes to ride up in an elevator with someone, what would you say?  He suggested in addition to the traditional quick two minute version, to also have one that is a tiny bit longer.  The five minute pitch.

I actually had a former employer look at his watch at the start of the interview and say to me “Ok, I’ve got 5 minutes.  Why should I hire you?”  I had a great response, even though I hadn’t been prepared for this interview technique.  At least I think my response was great, because I got the job.  Of course, after my quick elevator pitch, he went on to interview me for another 20 minutes, and then I had to come back for 4 more interviews with other people at the company.  But eventually, I did get the job.

Thinking about this “elevator pitch” made me think about how to do this and sound confident, but yet, not cocky!  It’s a really thin line between these two.  While you may think you’re coming across as confident, you could accidentally end up appearing cocky.  I honestly don’t think that people actually TRY to come across as cocky.  Although there may be some who do.

Then, of course, because my mind sometimes has a very strong stream-of-consciousness going on, I started thinking about the online dating profiles that I am having OH SO MUCH FUN reading!  There was one that was sooooo cocky that the guy even admitted in his profile that he is cocky.  He said he may “appear arrogant and unattainable”, but that’s because he is.  I actually laughed out loud when I read this!  And not in a good way.  This guy had been the one to contact me, trying to establish some kind of connection.  So, I have to admit, it was a bit of an ego boost that I ranked high enough to be considered worthy of his attention.  (can you hear my eyes roll from there?)  But when I read that, I immediately was turned off!  BIG TIME!! 

Because I was thinking about how to appear confident and not cocky in an interview, I started to look through more dating profiles to see how someone can tread that thin line, and not cross over to the cocky side.  And I’m telling you, it’s not an easy line to traverse!  Not only does it depend on what YOU say, but also how you say it, and on the mood and general attitude of the recipient.  Are they in a good mood?  Do they have a sense of humor?  Or are they a very straight-laced kind of person?  Did they possibly have a rough day?  Have they dealt with self-absorbed jerks in the past and just have no time to put up with that kind of crap?

It made me wonder how my elevator pitch that I gave at that one interview actually worked.  Now that I think back on it, it could have totally backfired.  I did come across a bit cocky.  Thankfully, my boss (future boss at the time) was a bit cocky himself and he appreciated that approach.

All this thinking I’m doing on this subject tells me is that I need to do a lot of drafting and practicing before I head into the interview scene.  I will probably videotape myself doing my elevator pitches, to try also read the facial expressions I use and my body language.  That also plays a huge part.  Something said with a little bit of a smile comes across a lot different than if it’s said completely straight faced!  Or with a smirky kind of smile.  That can make what you say come across more on the cocky side.  

Ugh!  So much to think about!!  But I’m CONFIDENT that I can do this!!

Three rules to get through life!

When I was a kid, my Mom told me that there are three rules to follow to get through life. 

#1 – Never buy an expensive umbrella.  It will only get broken by some gust of wind, or you’ll end up losing it.

#2 – Never buy expensive sunglasses.  You will lose them, or they’ll get scratched or break.

#3 – Never sit on a public toilet seat.  This one really requires no explanation.

I’ve actually followed all of these rules!  And so far, I’m getting through life!  Thanks Mom!

Everyone has their list ... man, "lists" keep coming up in a lot of my topics!  I think I have some sort of list addiction! ... sorry, I digress … Everyone has their list of things that they will never do, or things that they must always do.  Where do these ideas of never or always come from?  Did everyone’s Mom pass on these gems?

I’ve come up with a few other “never” things that I am going to add to my Mom’s list.  I actually think these “rules” are even more important than my Mom’s rules.  Well, maybe not more important than never sitting on a public toilet seat!  Seriously, just don’t do that!!!

1.                   Never be so concerned that something has the right “label” or “brand name”.  In junior high school, all the girls were wearing designer jeans.  I wanted to do the same.  I begged my Mom!  She was shocked by the price tag, but finally gave in and got me a pair of designer jeans.  And I wore them with so much pride!  

But, was it really so necessary to have them?  I could argue both sides.  No, it wasn’t.  Non-name brand jeans would have kept me clothed just as well, and would not have been as expensive.  But yes, it was.  Because having those jeans was one more step towards fitting in.  And in junior high, that is the highest priority.  Now, that’s a whole other blog to write, about fitting in and the consequences of not doing so.  So, we’ll just leave it at that for now.  But as an adult, I know that the label or the brand name doesn’t really matter. Well, at least it doesn’t matter most of the time.  Which brings me to ….

2.                   Never be so concerned about getting something that is not the more expensive name brand, that you end up losing quality.  While I will definitely try to buy the “store” brand of certain things, because they are a LOT less expensive for the same exact thing, there are certain things that are just not as good or as high quality.  So it’s a thin line to walk, between not being concerned about the brand name/label and being concerned that you may be sacrificing quality.

And this last one is most important!!!

3.                   NEVER WORRY MORE ABOUT WHAT OTHERS THINK OF YOU, THAN WHAT YOU THINK OF YOURSELF!!! This one actually gets a lot easier as we get older.  But if I could pass this jewel on to someone younger, and they followed this advice, it would make me so happy! 

Personally, I have always tried to live my life in a way that keeps others in mind.  Meaning, that I try to not do things that are selfish, or could hurt someone else (definitely not physically, but also not emotionally either).  But at the same point, if I do choose to do something or act some way that isn’t going to have a negative effect, yet may get me made fun of or thought of in a “non-popular” way  … I don’t care!  I am going to have fun, I am going to be true to myself, and I am not going to give a rat’s ass if someone else has too many hang-ups of their own to be able to appreciate my joy! 

Remember, you’re the only one that has to spend 24/7 with you.  So you better make sure to be happy with who you are!!  If you stop to think about this, and can’t say that you are happy with YOU … make the changes necessary to become happy!! 

Stop trying to make your family happy, your friends happy, and definitely stop trying to please strangers!  I’m not saying go out of your way to make anyone miserable.  But make sure you, yourself, are happy first.  Because, like the line from one of my favorite Alter Bridge songs goes … “How can you love someone, and not yourself?”

So go out there, buy cheap umbrellas and sunglasses, never sit on a public toilet seat, and BE TRUE TO YOURSELF AND TO WHAT WILL MAKE YOU HAPPY!!

Act your age, not your shoe size!

When I was a kid I always found it funny when other kids would use that taunt with me.  Acting my shoe size when I was around 10 years old wasn’t really an insult.  See, I have REALLY small feet, and back then, my shoe size was a 13 (little kids size).  Back then, someone saying to me, “Act your age, not your shoe size!” meant I was acting 13 years old!  Older than I actually was.

But now that I am older, even though my shoe size is still rather small (just barely adult size), I wonder what it means to “act your age”?  Is there a specific way that I’m supposed to act now?  Are there things that I’m not allowed to do now that I’m older?  What would happen if I do something that only a 30 year old is “allowed” to do?  Or something only allowed when you’re in your 20s?  Do the “age appropriate police” come by and give me a summons?  Do I get charged as an “adult” in “younger adult” court?  Is there a list out there somewhere that would tell me what I should or should not be doing at a particular age? 

At this point in my life, I have friends of all ages.  Well, not kids or teens.   But I have friends in their 20’s, 30s, 40, and on up.  We all seem to have enough in common to have a good time and enjoy hanging out.  I think the saying “age is just a number” may be correct.  I don’t think it’s necessarily someone’s age that will define the things they like to do or how mature they act.  I know plenty of people my age or older who are extremely immature!  And I know some people much younger than I am who are already acting like old fuddy-duddies!  For the most part, I think people act like an average of all ages!

With me personally, even when I was younger, I wasn’t the type that wanted to just go to a crowded bar to “hang out”, standing around with a drink in your hand, waiting for some guy to come talk to you.  Maybe because I’m short and being in a crowded bar, all I’m seeing are people’s armpits!  But make that a dance club and I was there!  I still would be there.  I love to dance!!  Get the music playing, and I’m gonna be shaking my boo-tay!

When I was younger, I loved doing things that gave me an adrenaline rush!  Roller coasters, flying trapeze, riding on motorcycles and even planning to go sky diving one day.  Then, back in 2009 I had a little accident and a large injury.  I went through 2 surgeries and almost 9 months of physical therapy!  And it definitely has had an effect on my ability to do certain physical things to this day.  Not that I let that stop me.  But it also had an influence on my feelings about doing things that are a bit risky.  But that has nothing to do with my age.  That only happened after the injury.  

Now I don’t think I’ll ever jump out of a plane (unless it’s going down, and I am forced to eject).  Yet, I still LOVE roller coasters and other adrenaline inducing things.  I don’t think that will ever change.  Not even when I’m 95!  But now, I do get a bit more nervous about doing these things. Not that it stops me, it’s just now it makes me think first … and then I do it anyway!

So, what does “acting my age” look like?  What is it that I’m supposed to be doing or not be doing now that I am older?  If I start to “act my age”, won’t that just make me age more quickly?  Because we are all getting older.  We have no control over that, and the alternative sucks. But does that mean we need to get older in all ways?  Do we need to act older?  

If that's what it means, then I may just have to break the rules!  Because I don’t feel the age I am now and I sure as shineola won’t be acting the way people expect someone my age to act!  But, I probably won’t be acting my shoe size either! 

When does dating get easier?!?!

Dating!  I hated it when I was younger.  Hate it still!  I’ve seriously never really LIKED to date.  I find it exciting in the beginning, but at the same time, very uncomfortable.  I’d much rather be seeing just one person!  But of course, you must date first to get to that point.  Or at least that’s how it works most of the time. 

The first few dates with someone new always feel like interviews to me.  You are trying to be on your best behavior, tell only the most flattering things about yourself, and you make that extra effort to look AMAZING, from your outfit to your hair to your makeup. 

Then when you have a few dates with one person, you start to relax a bit.  I personally still like to make sure I look good, but after a few dates, I’ll start to let them see more of my vulnerabilities.  Let them get to know the deeper things about me.  Hopefully they do the same.  Although, I have dated some guys who are … hmm, how should I put this … almost downright secretive.  It can almost seem like I’m dating someone who is in a witness protection program, where I can know NOTHING about their life when they aren’t with me.  It really only makes me wonder what is not being said, what is so horrible that I can’t know more about them?  What are they hiding?!?!  And then, when the dating/seeing each other comes to an end, I usually feel that I never really knew them at all.  And yes, it does eventually end, because how can you develop any kind of relationship of any depth with someone who won’t let you in, and makes sure that you never feel like you are really a part of their life in any significant way.

I’ve done the online dating thing.  I have a ton of funny (and yet, not so funny) stories from that!  Like the guy who in the first few emails back and forth started to “yell” at me for not sharing his political views.  You can probably guess, that never ended up being an actual date.  Or the guy that peeled away from my curb before I had even gotten 2 feet away.  I mean, really?  At least watch that I get inside, if you’re not willing to walk me to the door.  Or the guy who, after I told him that I don’t really feel a “romantic” kind of connection to him, asked if I could set him up with my sister (who he hadn’t even seen, but only knew I had because he asked about siblings on our one date)

Also, with online dating, I usually get either guys that are VERY young, looking for that “cougar” relationship or quick hookup, or I get the guy who claims he’s 55, but looks closer to 75. So there’s a lot more of “um, no thanks”, than there are actual dates.

I’ve been set up on dates with guys through friends.  Sometimes I wonder after those experiences … “Really?  Is that what my friend thinks of me?”  Don’t get me wrong, I have been set up with some very nice guys too.  The last set-up I had, the guy was very nice, but I just didn’t feel that romantic type of connection.  Too bad, because he was a nice guy.

I’ve also gone the route of deciding to be alone for a while.  Just hang out with my friends and focus on me and what is going on in my life.  And while that is definitely needed at times, it does get lonely.  And honestly, after a while of being alone, it’s kind of difficult to get back out there. 

I was recently seeing someone, but unfortunately, that’s ended.  So now I need to decide, do I re-activate my OKCupid account?  Ask my friends if they know any nice, single guys.  Or do I just go solo for now?  Hmm, decisions, decisions.  Why doesn’t this get any easier as we get older?!? 

Sleep like a baby!

We’ve either heard or said that line in one form or another at some point in our lives.  “I slept like a baby last night.”  “After all this fresh air, I’m gonna sleep like a baby!”  “Don’t wake him, he’s sleeping like a baby!” But if you really think about it, that line is completely wrong!  Babies don’t sleep well. They are up every couple of hours to either eat, pee or poop!  Have you ever heard of a baby getting eight straight hours of sleep without waking?  So, sleeping like a baby should mean that you aren’t getting a good night’s sleep.

Unfortunately, as I get older I actually do sleep like a baby!  No, I don’t wake up every 2 hours to have a bottle of formula.  But I do get up to use the restroom at least once during the night!  I’ve even try to not have any liquids past a certain point in the evening, but I still get up!  And I end up feeling dehydrated by morning.  

I’ve tried to ignore the "need", and sleep (or go back to sleep) through it.  But it only works for a short time.  And if it does work and I do sleep through it, I end up waking up about an hour before I actually need to get up.  Going back to sleep at that point is hard, if not impossible. Plus, if I do manage to fall back to sleep, I end up waking up even more tired at the alarm.

I also don’t sleep as soundly as I’m getting older.  Babies actually can do this. They can sleep through all sorts of noises.  Not me!  Someone slams a door down the hall, I’m up.  A car alarm goes off outside, Hello middle of the night!  The woman upstairs decides to have a romantic evening … well, that’s the worst!  I mean, who wants to be woken by that type noise without it being you who is getting the benefits?!  It actually got so bad with her “noises” that the Board of the Cooperative I live in forced her to get wall-to-wall carpeting.  It helps … a little.  What helps more is when she doesn’t have a boyfriend!

I’ve tried earplugs.  They help, but not enough.  If the noises are loud enough, they get through.  And it's a strange feeling to sleep with them.

I’ve tried the sound machines.  They actually only keep me awake. (see above re: not being able to sleep through noises)  And the ones that sound like ocean waves or babbling brooks … well, we’re back to the whole needing to use the restroom issue!

I know from my parents telling me, that this “waking up at night” thing only gets worse the older we get.  And while I don’t feel (or act) my current age most of the time, it seems that I have no power to stop this part of getting older.  I guess I can’t complain, since I’ve managed to keep myself from “getting older” in most other ways.

So I think people should stop saying that they slept like a baby.  I think people should actually say “I slept like a teenager last night!”  Now, THEY know how to sleep!!